Embers
by Equuleus86
Summary: For Carol Peletier, every day feels like an insurmountable struggle to get out of bed and face another day, until a face she never dreamed she would see again turns her world upside down. Some things never die.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I can't believe this moment is finally here, and now that it is I'm absolutely freaking out!**

**Before we get into it, I just want to take a moment to thank two very special ladies, without whom none of this would exist. Emily and Alli, you two are my absolute faves! I know we fight sometimes (Em) but it's all for the cause and thanks to you I have what I reckon might turn out to be my best thing ever. You two have helped me so much you have absolutely no idea, sitting through pain in the arse edits and rewrites and screaming even when you both had your own shit to do so from the bottom of my heart I thank you! I must insist dear readers if you have found this page, please go check out the amazing works of _kaoscraze_ and _allidon_ - they will honest to God blow your frillies clean off. Also hayooge thanks to Em for my cover photo ya wee babe!**

**Anyway this story came to me while I was scrubbing pots and listening to tunes (as you do) and I kid you not, one lyric of a song stuck in my head and I suddenly had this picture that wouldn't go away. The idea was one I hadn't heard before and I've been paranoid since I started writing this that some bugger that was better or quicker at typing than me would beat me to it. I have SLAVED over this story, it's taken over my life and delayed me on other things that should really be taking priority. That's how much I want you to love this story. The shape and plot of this story have changed so many times it's agonising. I won't spoil it, I want you to discover the journey between these two on your own. It is an AU but you smart cookies would have realised that. There are also flashbacks for a bit too, they're pretty self evident too. Sooooo… my dears, I hope you're ready for this, because I've been ready for MONTHS! It's not even finished yet (risky business for me considering I change things on a whim!) but for now, feast thine peepers on a tale of angst, love, friendship and the belief that no matter what life throws at you, some things never die.**

**I give you Embers.**

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters do not belong to me in any way whatsoever, but FEELINGS DO!.**

Chapter 1

"Okay my turn," she said, sucking the spoon clean and thinking hard. "Cat or dog?"  
"Cat, every single time," he replied without missing a beat.  
"Oh yeah right, since when were you a cat person?"  
"Since forever!"  
"Pfft! You've never petted a pussy in your life."

They exchanged an immature look and erupted into fits of laughter.

"What the hell?!" he finally caught a breath, sending her rolling backwards with a playful shove. "Thought you were 'sposed to be a good Christian girl?"  
"Oh God," she giggled, sitting up and trying to compose herself. "Right, you're up… and give me a hard one this time!"  
"Haha! Betcha say that to all the guys!" He laughed.  
"Only the cute ones…" she teased.  
"Pfft, yeah right." He shook his head and tried to hide a shy smile.  
"Are you blushing?" She put down the tub of ice cream. "Oh my God Daryl that is so cute!"  
"Stop. Look are we playin' this damn game or not?"  
"Oh hell no, I have a better game. Let's See What Makes Daryl Go The Reddest!"  
"Aw hell woman, ain't ya got no one else ya can pester?"  
"You're so adorable you know. Look at your little red cheeks!"  
"You're crazy, ya know that?"  
"Only about you." she smiled.

He processed her last statement for a moment before looking up to meet her stare. The humour was gone from her face now; she was still smiling, but it wasn't the same teasing grin she'd just been bugging the hell out of him with. The faint glow in her own cheeks didn't go unnoticed, nor did the shy little smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Just as he was thinking of something to say to break the awkward silence, she let out a loud cackle.

"Dammit Carol! Ya try'na give me a heart attack?" he laughed nervously.  
"Oh you're too damn easy to wind up Dixon," she tutted, shoving him with her foot.

He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief and felt the tension melt away as the usual jokey ease settled in between them once again. He fidgeted with the frayed knee of his pants, absently picking at the flap and letting it slap against his knee. His faraway expression didn't escape her notice.

"Okay spill," she probed, her eyes seeking his like missiles.  
Daryl shot her a quick glance and returned his gaze to his ragged knee. "S'my old man. Fell off the wagon again. Hell I think this is the worst he's ever been."  
"God Daryl, I knew something was bothering you. Why didn't you say anything?"  
"Ain't your problem. Besides, nothin' ya can do."  
"What you gonna do?" Carol eyed him with concern.  
"Not much I can do," he looked up, "stay out of his way."  
"You can stay here?" She suggested.  
"I'm a big boy, can take care of myself." He managed a half smile.

He knew it was a half truth, but it would placate her for now. That was the last thing he needed, her worrying about him and inevitably getting involved. It did his heart some good to know she cared so much but it also filled him with dread. Daryl had enough to worry about without adding Carol's safety to the chaotic swirl in his head. She had never met his father, and never would if he had anything to do with it. She'd never been to his house; his life was so far removed from hers that he thought she'd take one look at the dungeon he called home and wouldn't think twice about sticking her nose in.

She had become his best friend since he had moved to Senoia two years ago and started at her school. He didn't know anybody and made a conscientious effort to keep his head down and not attract any attention to himself. He was a loner and always had been. When he walked he kept his eyes trained on the ground and his face was always hidden behind a mop of ragged dirty blond hair which was gradually turning darker. Daryl shielded himself from the world, hunching into himself like a hedgehog instinctively curls up into a ball. Carol had zoned in on him though. While everyone else barely noticed his existence, she attached herself to him and despite his initial protestation she wouldn't leave him the hell alone and he gave in to her persistence. In the beginning it was hard for him; he'd never really had what he'd call a friend. He would hang around by himself, finding what solace he could from the forest, away from people. Having someone there was new to Daryl, and it took a while for him to learn that it was alright to let someone in. He'd never have thought in a million years it would be a girl. Daryl didn't think he was much to look at so it came as a surprise that Carol Grant - arguably the most beautiful girl in his year - chose to adopt him as her best friend. It took a while for them to grow into the comfortable ease that they now shared, but there was still so much she didn't know about him. If he had anything to do, it was make damn sure that she never knew half of the horrors that he'd gone through, or still did. He wasn't sure if she had picked up on it, but he liked her. She was his best friend, but as she blossomed into womanhood, he was beginning to see just what she was to him. It was more than just friendship, but he knew she'd never see him that way and as much as it hurt him to admit, he would just have to accept it. He'd rather have her as a friend than not at all.

"Carol! Honey it's getting late, come on in now."  
Carol rolled her eyes at her mother's voice ringing up from below. "Okay Mom, be right down."  
"Hi Daryl!"  
"Hey Mrs G," he called down.  
"You staying for supper?"  
"Umm, no thanks, I really should get back."  
"Okay, one night soon then. Goodnight!"

The click of the back door followed by the dog's muffled barking indicated they were alone again. Carol looked at him with disappointed eyes and stood up to see him off.

"You could stay for a little while?" she asked hopefully.  
"Nah, better get back and check he's okay." Daryl eyed her curiously. "Y'alright?"  
Carol nodded and produced a weak smile. "Fine. Just wish you could stay."

Daryl gave her a half smile in agreement and made his way to the ladder. As he swung his leg onto the top rung and looked up at her one last time he was smothered by a soft cloud of auburn curls as she leaned down and caught him with a peck on the cheek that nearly sent him sprawling to the ground in surprise.

"What was that for?" he gulped, his face and ears filling hotly with colour.  
"Kiss for luck," she said quietly, her smile tinged with sadness.  
"Pfft, stop. See ya tomorrow."

Carol watched him descend and jump the fence at the side of her garden. He looked up and nodded goodbye at her and disappeared behind the house.

What the hell had just happened? The burn of his ears and cheeks told him it was more than a kiss for luck. He could have used the luck for sure, but for now the feeling that unravelled in his stomach from the tingle on his cheek where her lips had just been… he would take it. Daryl headed for home, knowing that whatever mood the beast was in, it couldn't stomp out the feelings that were stirring in his chest.

_**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**_

This summer was allegedly the hottest ever. So far the weathermen had it spot on and he hated those smartasses. Leather wasn't a practical choice for a day like this; it was stuck to his arms and chafing him like hell but he knew taking it off would have him burnt to a crisp before the afternoon was out. The hour he'd already spent welded to his motorcycle had been a pain in the ass, and he thanked the Lord he was almost there. The machine was scorching to the touch and he'd uttered more than a few colourful words along the road as his leg had ridden a little too close and the metal had seared him through the holes in his knees. He hated wearing a helmet, and in the humidity it had become close to intolerable. His head itched with the heat and sweat, and he just couldn't wait any longer.

The bike puttered to a halt as he stopped at the corner house he'd been looking for and kicked the stand out. He ripped his helmet off and threw it on the grass in frustration. The air hit his sweltered face in a welcome wave and he sucked in a deep lungful of it. He closed his eyes and sniffed the air, the familiar smell of home filling his nose, and let out a sigh of relief that for a while he could rest.

His eyes opened and he turned his gaze on the house. It looked abandoned; the garden was wildly overgrown, and the windows were bare and dirty. It was a sorry sight to behold, and he felt a pang of guilt as he surveyed the scene. Memories flooded back from the day he'd left town, eyes burning as he followed his old man and Merle, not wanting to leave but having no choice. He'd have given anything to tell them to shove it, but he was a coward, and rather than stand up for himself he did what came easiest and bailed out. His stomach tied itself in knots, wishing he could go back and rewrite time. He'd been a stupid kid; if he could've met his younger self he'd have kicked some sense into him. Hell, what did it matter? It was a hundred years ago. He snorted at his own pathetic attempts at remorse and got off to grab his helmet. Then a thought glinted in his head and he wondered for a moment.

Making his way around the side of the house through the overgrown footpath, he came to the start of the fence he'd jumped over so many times as a teenager and looked up. It was still there. It had seen better days, granted, but the treehouse was perched up in the boughs of the big old tree in Carol's back garden, welcoming him back like an old friend. As soon as he saw it he felt like he'd come home. He stood behind the fence for a moment and just looked at the beat up wooden shack. He wanted to climb that rickety old ladder with the wobbly slats and find her sprawled on her belly reading with her chin in her palms. But he stood rooted to the spot, frozen in apprehension. If he went up there he would feel like an intruder, a betrayer. All of a sudden it didn't look so welcoming and he felt like the house had him gripped in a horrid glare, unwelcoming and unfriendly; it knew what he had done, and it didn't take kindly to the return of this faceless jerk, coming back like he had the right.

Snorting again but this time at how much of an ass he was being, he put his hand on the rail and vaulted over. The seared grass crunched under his boots as he sized up the house. Whether it welcomed him or not, he was going up.

The wood still held some weight, he would just need to be careful as he climbed the ladder. It had always been unsteady anyway, and if the worst came to the worst he could always get a foothold on the tree trunk. It held though, and as his head peered over the last rung he paused. Daryl really did feel like he was home now. The ridiculous possessed treehouse notion fizzled away and he hauled himself into the small cabin. It was definitely a tighter squeeze than he remembered, but then he had been a scrawny young pup. The years had seen him fill out considerably and his ridiculous choice of clothing on the hottest day of the year was making movement frustrating and harder than it should have been. He'd finally had enough. Angrily he freed his arms from the sticky leather and hurled the jacket at the side of the house. The relief was immense; his skin breathed as his sleeveless shirt clung to his drenched back. The comparative coolness of the air inside the little cabin was bliss, like a clear pool in the parched desert.

With his restrictive leather gone he could finally breathe and take in his surroundings. The same woody smell filled his nose, the same sights greeted him, and the floorboards creaked under his weight in greeting. Carol's pile of battered magazines were still strewn in the corner, like she'd just got up to go to the bathroom and would be back any minute. A leak in the roof had glued pages to the floor and the rest were curling at the edges with the humidity. Most of the text and pictures were an indecipherable blur punctuated with the odd wash of yellowed colour. He smirked at the mess; she'd never been the tidiest of girls. Somehow he found comfort in the disarray of pages stuck to the floor where she'd left them. It was like she was still here. Magazines aside, he could feel her presence, like her spirit was woven into the grain of the wood. A thousand memories lived within these four walls, each one playing in his mind like a cinema reel.

He sat down next to the scattering of water buckled pages, running his hand over them and picking lazily at the edges. A dark bundle in the corner caught his attention and he stared at it for a moment, recognition suddenly igniting in his eyes. He leaned over and grabbed it, pulling himself up again and examining the garment in his lap. His sweater.

It was damp and he was sure he had seen a huge motherfucker of a spider scurry under the floorboards when he moved it. Seeing it, holding it in his hands again rattled his emotions a little. She loved this sweater. He'd given her it to wear one day when she was cold and she'd never given it back. She wore it casually slobbing out up here on lazy days and sometimes she slept in it. Back then it had smelt of her and he would take sly sniffs when she wasn't wearing it. He brought it up to his nose and inhaled. He immediately reeled back at the bitter, damp stench. Of course it wasn't going to smell like her after fifteen years in a leaky wooden shack. _Dumbass_

He studied it in his hands and his thoughts drifted to Carol. The magazines spread over the floor didn't bother him; part of the reason he'd loved spending time with her was she didn't stand on ceremony for visitors and the world took her as they found her, which was usually sprawled out in a sea of magazines and sweet wrappers. The mess was comforting and familiar. What niggled away at him was the sweater, her favourite claimed item of his, lying abandoned and forgotten in the corner. She loved that sweater, and it had been something that connected them. He would see her wearing it and feel content, knowing that it was something of his that she wrapped herself in and even if he wasn't there in person she would still have a part of him to snuggle up to. Seeing it festering in the corner made his gut ache and he knew that it was his fault.

His mind wandered to wherever she might be now. A stab of jealousy ripped through him as he considered the very real possibility that she was happily married with kids and a big old family home in the country with a dog. He couldn't process the thought, and yet he felt it truthfully in his heart. It was unrealistic and selfish of him to expect her to put her life on hold after him but he wanted it so badly to be true. She was his Carol, and the thought of another man calling her his and her being happy about it left a bad taste in his mouth. Anger bubbled below the surface. Angry at her. Angry at himself, his old man, Merle.

With his arms locked around his knees he bowed his head and stared at the floor, the light dancing through the gap in the roof making shapes on the mottled wood. Coming up here was like a damn time capsule. He'd had some dumb ideas in his life but this had to be up there with the dumbest. He hadn't known what he was hoping to achieve by this little wander down memory lane, but it wasn't this. His stomach swirled with anger and hurt and resentment. All he'd felt when he'd coasted back into town was a warm, familiar nostalgia of somewhere he'd called home for a while and almost instantly he was drawn to her old home. Now in place of rosy nostalgia he felt bitter and guilty and sick.

He lobbed the sweater back into the corner and huffed an irritated sigh. What was the point of all this? Not a damn thing. Hoping and praying and wishing never did him any good in the past. This wasn't him, this wasn't his life anymore. The past was gone… she was gone. It hurt to accept, but the fact remained and he would just have to get over it.

He grunted to his feet and grabbed his jacket from the crumpled heap on the floor and headed for the ladder, desperate to get out of there, away from the feelings choking him.

With a last look at the abandoned sweater and pile of aged magazines, he climbed out into the humidity again and left his ghosts in the treehouse.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Well here we are at Chapter 2 already folks! I probably should have mentioned this last week, but this will be (if I can keep up my current writing pace) a chapter a week fic. I hope to not keep anyone waiting longer than a week for updates!**

**I want to say a big thank you to anyone who read, favourited, followed or reviewed Chapter 1. I LOVE hearing what you thought, good or bad (but preferably good!) even if you don't have much to say, just letting me know you enjoyed it makes my face light up! Reviews are not essential but dear God I do love them!**

**This chapter as you will see delves into a certain lovely lady's life in the here and now, and a bit about her state of mind. I really hope I've done these characters justice, but again I had a ton of help from my besties kaoscraze and allidon (go check out their fab works also!) I don't have much experience in certain fields so I've tried to imagine what I would be feeling given the same circumstances. Anyway without much further ado, here is the next piece of the puzzle. Enjoy my loves. xx**

Chapter 2

Yes this was her bed. Yes it was a new morning, but it was not a new beginning. For Carol Peletier, this was like every other morning of life. In the early moments between sleep and awareness, she found a calm void that lasted for a millionth of a second, where she could be anything, do anything - where she was as free as a bird. The tranquil oblivion she knew before awakening was all too brief and crumbled around her as she opened her eyes to reality. The same bedclothes covered her, the same drab curtains hung limply on the windows, and the same dip in the mattress beside her brought her crashing into another day. She looked at the bedside clock that flashed 5.57AM and shifted stealthily out of bed, trying not to wake her husband Ed. He was snoring with his back to her as she crept into the bathroom on bare feet and silently closed the door behind her.

A dull ache pulsed in her head as it swam with sleepiness. She was used to being up this early; she did it day in, day out, but her body still objected with a variety of symptoms. As she sat down and went about her business, she rubbed her tired eyes with her palms and a yawn forced its way out of her. Her stomach growled and acid crept up her throat as she considered yet another day. Another day, preparing his breakfast, making sure his work clothes were laid out, making sure the coffee pot was full - all without so much as a grunt of thanks. She'd need to make Sophia's lunch for school, make sure she had all her books, fix her hair and make sure she'd brushed her teeth. Sophia at least had a smile for her and a 'thank you mama', and that was all she needed. It made the day seem a little less heavy on her shoulders, seeing those freckly cheeks and that toothy grin shining up at her.

Carol hauled herself to her feet and flushed. As she washed her hands she caught sight of herself in the mirror and grimaced. She barely recognised the gaunt, drawn face staring back at her. The dark circles under her eyes and her pale complexion made her look like a ghoul. The only traces of life were her blue eyes and dark auburn curls, but even those of late had been looking rather ragged. Her hair was going through some sort of wild and wiry phase, and the little grey strands creeping in that she'd tried to ignore were getting harder to miss. She was only thirty two, but being married to Ed Peletier for thirteen years had taken its toll on her.

Ed was a hard man; he could be mean, unreasonable and on occasion cruel. He paid the bills and kept a roof over her and Sophia's heads though, so she felt obliged to be grateful to him. That, and he never missed an opportunity to remind her. He loved the power he had over her, like she would always be beholden to him for keeping them fed and clothed, and deep down she hated him for it, although she would never allow herself to admit it consciously. It seemed easier to just keep it buried deep inside and let every day wash over her, leaving her feeling numb to everything. It wasn't a life, this was just existence. She existed to serve him first and foremost, and tend her daughter and herself second. Each day was a battle to psych herself up enough just to leave the confines of the bathroom and get herself dressed. Somehow though, she always mustered up enough strength to get herself ready to face the world for another day.

She rooted in the bathroom cabinet, taking her daily round of pills with a well practised jerk of her head, closing the door and looking at herself again. The bruise on her arm had gotten worse. Why was it bruises always looked worse two or three days after whatever had caused them? She pondered the mystery as she turned in the mirror, craning her neck around to get a view of the back of her arm. The black-blue stains on her skin were starting to tinge with yellow and looked just awful. It was hot out but she would have no choice but to wear a sweater or cardigan to cover it up. Handprints weren't the easiest to disguise.

It had been a stupid thing, really. She should've known better than to try her hand at humour or sarcasm with him. One thing said that may have been taken the wrong way would almost inevitably lead to a bruise of some description. It was her own fault, like most things were. As she examined his handiwork in the mirror she felt the ominous congestion of nose and throat as tears welled. When would enough be enough? How much longer could she endure feeling this way day after day after day? She had already allowed sinful thoughts to creep into her mind, thoughts about freeing herself in the only way that seemed possible. But to leave Sophia, her baby, with _him_. The thought left her cold and ashamed, and any such thoughts were quickly pushed to the back of her mind with everything else buried in the dark, never to be seen again.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then with a last indifferent look into the mirror, she opened the door to go and face another day. He would be up soon.

_**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**_

"Mama have you seen my stuff for gym class? I can't find it anywhere." Sophia rooted around in the laundry basket frantically.  
"Maybe if ya wouldn't leave it lyin' around. Ain't a damn hotel ya live in." Ed didn't look up from the sports pages as Carol put his breakfast down to him.

She shot a disapproving look at the back of his head as she turned her attention to Sophia. "I washed it last night sweetie, it's in your bag. Why don't you go brush your teeth and I'll pack your lunch."  
"Okay mama." Sophia smiled sweetly and went upstairs to brush her teeth.

The thick, sour atmosphere that always descended like a toxic cloud when they were alone was upon her as soon as Sophia reached the top of the stairs. Carol stood at the counter spreading peanut butter sandwiches. She didn't speak or look at him, not least of all because the sight of him repulsed her nowadays. She waited for the dig she knew he was waiting to make. He was biding his time, making her squirm a little before finally turning her stomach with the sound of his voice.

"You gotta stop doing everything for her."  
Carol stopped spreading at the sound of his voice. _What, like I do everything for you?  
_She slowly turned and looked briefly at him before returning to sandwich spreading. "I only washed her gym stuff. She needed it for school."  
"She knows where the washing machine is." He sniped at her.  
_So do you, asshole_. "I wash your clothes too. It's not a big deal."  
"What the hell's that got to do with it?" Ed put his paper down and she could feel his eyes locked on to her like a laser sight.  
"Nothing, I just meant… I don't mind doing it, is all." Carol cut Sophia's sandwiches and wrapped them up.

She heard the scrape of his chair and her gut hit the floor. She turned around gingerly, eyes flickering and trying feebly to front a smile, but her face wouldn't cooperate and the best she could manage was a twitch. His buggy eyes were fixed on her, daring her to elaborate on what she'd just said. He moved slowly towards her, backing her into the kitchen counter. His face was so hard and unyielding, unemotional, his eyes dead and cold, and looking into them made her skin crawl. It made her want to bolt like a horse and get as far away from him as possible. His breaths made her skin prickle with fear.

"You got a problem?"  
"No."  
"Seems to me like you're forgettin' who makes the bread around here. You got a roof over your head and clothes on your back. That not enough for ya?"  
Carol felt her cheeks flush and her throat close up. "I didn't mean-"  
"I work my ass off every day to keep you two in the life of luxury and you're complaining about doing a little laundry? A little gratitude wouldn't go amiss."  
"I am grateful," she mumbled, her voice coming out as a pathetic croak as she turned back around to finish fixing Sophia's lunch and to get away from him.  
"Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you!" Ed grabbed her roughly by the arm, his fingertips pressing into the bruised flesh under her cardigan.  
"Ed you're hurting me," she squealed sheepishly. "Please, I'm sorry. I'll try to be better."  
"You will be better, 'cause I'm getting' pretty damn tired of your shit."

"Mama?" A small voice interrupted them and Carol looked round to find Sophia watching them, eyes wide with fear.

Carol gave Ed a pleading look and he looked at Sophia then her before finally releasing his grip with an irritable grunt, bulldozing his way past Sophia and out the door to work. Carol exhaled a shaky breath and tried to compose herself.

"Mama is everything alright?" Sophia asked quietly, as if she was afraid to speak. The atmosphere still lingered in the air like thunder.  
"Yes, sweetie. Everything's fine." Carol held her arms out and gathered Sophia in an embrace, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.  
"Mama, is daddy mad at me?"  
"No," she sighed, "he's just a little cranky and tired from work. Nothing for you to worry about."  
"Is he mad at you?"  
Carol wondered just how much she had seen. "Why do you say that?"  
"He was grabbing your arm," she frowned. "It looked sore."  
"He didn't mean it honey, like I said he's just a bit cranky."  
"He scares me sometimes."

The sentence made Carol's heart fill with lead. Things had been worse recently, and she'd only been fooling herself into believing they hadn't been. She'd been so depressed she had completely overlooked how Sophia must be feeling. She knew Sophia wasn't totally oblivious to what went on in the house - she wasn't deaf. It couldn't have been easy for her to listen to the shouting and things being knocked to the floor or smashed, and she immediately felt awful that it had come to the point where Sophia was actually scared of her own father.

"Listen to me sweetie, you don't need to be scared of your father. I know he can be a bit of a grump but he'd never do anything to hurt you okay?" Carol cupped Sophias face and smoothed her cheeks with her thumbs.  
"You promise mama?"  
"I promise you sweetie. Now, we'd better get a move on or you'll be late."

Sophia seemed satisfied for the moment, and Carol ushered her out of the front door, carrying her bag. The promise rang in her ears, and she hoped to God she was right about that.

_**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**_

"Right have a good day, and try not to get up to anything, I don't want any phone calls from your teacher today." Lori eyed Carl playfully and sent him off with a smile.  
"Bye mom, bye Carol." Carl called back as he and Sophia trotted off down the path into the school gates.

The two women watched them go and Lori let out a wistful sigh. "They grow up so fast don't they? I can't believe how much he's grown in the last year."  
"Yeah, Sophia's the same. I've had to buy her a training bra." Carol groaned at the prospect of her little girl growing up.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, not that she has much to put in it right now," she laughed, "but all the girls in her class are wearing bras so she didn't wanna feel left out."  
"Well that's true, we were there once too. I didn't wanna be the only girl in class not wearing a bra."  
"I suppose I should be grateful it's just a bra. Next it'll be boys and I'm not looking forward to that." Carol shot her a despairing glance.

Lori gave her a sympathetic smile and rubbed her arm a little too roughly. Carol winced and Lori reeled in surprise.

"What's up?"  
"Huh?" Carol feigned ignorance.  
"Your arm. You hurt it?"  
"What that? Oh it's nothing. I just… bumped it off the kitchen door. It's a little tender is all." Carol's head jerked up when she didn't get a reply. Lori's eyes were fixed on her, unconvinced and probing. "What?"  
"Come on Carol. The kitchen door… really?"  
"I don't know what you're implying," Carol said quietly, looking around nervously.  
"Oh I think you do. You think I haven't seen how he is with you?"  
"It's nothing. I told you I just bumped it." Carol insisted.  
"You can talk to me you know Carol. I can get you help." Lori sought her eyes desperately, trying to get her to open up.

Carol looked at her, the cogs turning in her mind. She desperately wanted to confide in her friend, to feel that she wasn't entirely alone. It was hard going through every day with nobody to turn to that understood. There was Sophia, but she had to be strong for her. She needed a friend; it could be like opening a can of worms, but she so desperately wanted someone to lighten her load, to tell her everything would be alright.

"I… oh Lori-" she stuttered, before the sound of a police siren interrupted her.

Lori rolled her eyes and her shoulders sagged as she saw who was driving the car.

"Mornin' ladies," The car pulled up and a handsome cop leaned out of the open window with one tanned, taught arm. "How are we doin' on this fine Georgia morning?"  
"We're fine Shane." Lori said, acidity creeping into her tone on the last word. "Where's Rick? Did something happen?"

"Now why would you go thinkin' something happened?" Shane continued to grin like he'd just won the lottery. "I was just headin' over to the station when I saw you two fine drinks of water over here and decided to come say hello." He dragged his eyes away from Lori's chest and pulled them over to meet Carol's face. "How y'all doin' today Carol? Ain't it a little hot to be wearin' a sweater?"

"I'm fine, thanks," she smiled meekly, pulling the sweater more tightly around her. "I get cold easily. Bad circulation."

Shane's eyes snapped back to Lori immediately, obviously bored with her response. "Why don't ya hop in and I'll take you over to see Rick. M'sure he'd love to see his beautiful wife show up at the office just to say hello."  
"Rick's too busy to be standing around shooting the shit." Lori huffed, stepping off the curb and leaning down so that he was face to face with her. "And I'm too busy to stand here and have you ogle me like some two dollar whore you picked up on the weekend."  
"Ooh you got some spunk in ya this mornin'." Shane's eyes widened. "Ya really think we should be talkin' like this in front of your boy's school?"

Carol suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. She was the only other person who knew the truth behind the rumours, and right now she felt like she was standing next to a nuclear reactor that could go into meltdown at any second. This small town had ears on every street corner, every sidewalk. It wouldn't take much for people to get wind of their conversation. Lori gritted her teeth, trying desperately to hold back what she really wanted to say. She straightened up and clung to her purse like an invisible tether that was beginning to fray like her temper.

"I'm going now. If I catch you following me, I will call my husband at the station and you and he can have words. Are we clear on that?"  
"Crystal."

Lori looked back to Carol in that moment, a look of sympathy and apology written across her face. "Carol, I'll check up on you later and we can continue discussing things, okay?"

Carol nodded, watching Shane begin to pull away as Lori headed for her car. She'd just managed to calm down a bit, grateful for the distraction from her bruised arm when Lori turned around and walked back.

"Oh I almost forgot." She said as Carol tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "I didn't want to mention it in front of Shane because I told Rick not to invite him, but we're having a little get together for our anniversary this Saturday, why don't you bring Sophia along? Carl will be glad of the company, and so would I."  
"I dunno, I'll have to check with Ed, I don't know if he has plans."

Lori sighed, wanting to push the issue but knowing that right at this moment, she would have to accept defeat. The moment had gone. She walked back to her car and got in, leaning out of the window to say goodbye. "Alright, well you can let me know, and we'll discuss it later." Her eyes were clear but concerned. "You take care of yourself you hear?"

Carol nodded, putting on her best pretend smile. "I will… I'll let you know about the party."

Lori smiled and started the car. Carol watched her go and gave her a wave as she drove off. She felt a twinge of emptiness as she watched her friend disappear into the distance. A party. She wanted to go so badly, catch up with friends she hadn't seen in forever and that she knew would be there; friends who'd been able to go of their own free will, not needing anyone's permission. She knew even before she'd asked Ed what the answer would be. There would be no explanation, no 'sorry honey, I have plans, why don't you go and have a good time?' No meant no. Whether he had plans or not would be irrelevant. Her stomach churned as she considered asking him, hearing his response ring in her head like a pre recorded answer phone message. It was a daunting prospect, and she shoved it to the back of her mind. She didn't totally dismiss it, she just needed time to think and maybe work up the courage to bring it up. He couldn't say no to everything.

As she started the walk back, she thought that he could and probably would, but something inside her was struggling, trying to wriggle and break free like a butterfly from its cocoon. She wanted to be free from hers, she just needed to find her wings.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**Well hello lovelies and welcome to Chapter 3! What a week this has been eh?! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am at the pictures and the theories circulating right now. Either way, our babies are filming together ALOOOOONE! So we're going to have (a) a reunion in some way shape or form, and (b) screen time between them on their own away from the group! My feelings can't take much more. Are you all as excited as me? I'm now literally counting the days to both comic con for the trailer and then the season 5 premiere.**

**Anyway coming back to planet earth for a moment… I don't know anyone who doesn't miss him, but I sure as hell do so he's back for my story! You'll see who pretty much right away, and I hope you like! Again, reviews not essential but I do love to hear what you think! Anyhoo, I'd better get my arse in gear and catch up on my writing (I had a crappy week with unavoidable stuff at work which held me up) before you guys catch up to me haha!**

**So here it is, hope you enjoy and don't forget this is a chapter a week so next one is out next Friday. Til then enjoy all this lovely Caryl happiness that's going around!**

**Disclaimer #1: I do not own TWD or any of its characters, I just borrow them for a while and make them do what happens in my head!**

**Disclaimer #2: I know absolutely bugger all about cars. Briefly researched bits so don't shoot me if it doesn't sound right. I tried!**

Chapter 3

Daryl pulled into the parking lot and killed the ignition on his bike. A bearded face he remembered all too well looked up from under the hood of the Dodge he was working on and broke into a megawatt smile.

"I don't believe it." He adjusted his hat, the same hat he'd been wearing since Daryl was a kid. "Daryl Dixon, is that really you? Son of a gun, how the hell are ya?"

Daryl strode up to him and smirked at his outstretched hand. "Don't be a moron man, c'mere." Daryl pulled him into a man-hug and slapped him fiercely on the back. "S'good to see ya."

Dale laughed, overwhelmed to see his prodigal son had returned at long last. "Well this is a surprise, how the hell have you been? Heck, what am I saying? _Where_ have you been?"

"I've been all over the damn place, but my old man died on me so I gotta come take care of some stuff." Daryl waited for a word of condolence and found himself short on sympathy. "Ain't ya gonna say you're sorry? Sorry for my loss, all that bullshit?"

"I'm no more sorry than you are." Dale replied with a knowing smirk. "Where's Merle, isn't he with you?"

"Pfft, I ain't seen him for a long time. Asshole took off when the old man got sick, probably doesn't even know he's gone."

"Ah that sounds like him. He was a troubled young man if I remember rightly." Dale's face screwed up as he tried to recall the elder Dixon brother.

"Yeah, sounds about right."

Daryl had known Dale Horvarth since he was fifteen. Dale had lived in Georgia his whole life, and for the past twenty years had called Senoia his home. He was a decent, hard working man, running his auto repair shop, just trying to make his way like everyone else. For no immediately obvious reason, Daryl had always liked him. Dale had always treated him like he had a purpose, like he was needed, wanted. When Dale looked at him he didn't see just another redneck kid that would grow up to be a white trash asshole. He saw someone that wanted to break away from all the shit and actually do something with his life. He'd given Daryl odd jobs to do around the yard, taught him various bits and pieces about auto repair and kept his mind occupied. Daryl never spoke about goings on at home, but Dale somehow understood and could always be depended on to just be there for him. He didn't ask awkward questions; he seemed to possess amazing powers of perception and knew when Daryl just needed to be away from home, so he always made sure there was some job or other left undone. He was a very calming influence, and it rubbed off on Daryl when he worked. He focused, his problems fading into background noise for a while at least. He didn't know whether Dale was aware, but he had always looked on him as a father figure, and seeing him after all this time really did feel like coming home.

"So are you gonna be in town for long?" Dale sounded hopeful.

"Well I got some shit to take care of but yeah, I'll hang around for a while."

"I could sure use some help around here. My other mechanic's gone AWOL, hell knows if he's comin' back. Don't suppose you still know your way around a car?" he grinned.

"Shittin' me man? I fix cars in my sleep," Daryl snorted. "Just tell me where ya need me."

Daryl set to work changing the brake pads on a beat up old 67 Thunderbird. It felt almost surreal to be lying under a car at Dale's Autos again, but good. It was a welcome distraction from the whole business of his old man dying. He still had to attend the reading of the will, but Daryl didn't hold out much hope of there being anything of use or value in it. His father had drunk every last penny he had, up until he got sick. By then there was nothing left and Daryl had looked out for him until he passed away. He didn't know why he stayed, even in sickness his daddy had been less than loveable; but he felt compelled to see it through with him. Despite the resentment he felt towards him, Daryl still couldn't turn his back and leave the old man to die abandoned and alone. Something pulled at him inside and it would just have felt wrong to close the door on him. After he'd died, Daryl hadn't expected to feel anything, and he was right. An emptiness now filled him; he was alone. His piece of shit brother was Lord knows where, and he was left to sweep the remnants of his father's life into a pile and sift through it all.

Daryl had returned to Senoia under the pretence of sorting out his daddy's affairs, but the truth of the matter he was loathe to admit even to himself. He didn't have anywhere else to go. Of course he could've gone anywhere he had wanted - he was free and no longer had to follow Merle and his old man around doing whatever dumb or dangerous shit they'd schemed up. Daryl was a man grown, and had his father not gotten sick, chances are he'd have been out of there a long time ago. Despite this, no matter what craziness they'd become involved in, at least he still felt part of something… needed. Now there was nobody to need his help, nobody to notice if he was there or not. Nobody that cared either way. His life was a void now, meaningless and without purpose. To Daryl, this had been the only place that had ever truly felt like home, and the only place he could think of to come now he found himself lost in the world. Home.

As he worked on the car, his hands blackened by the dirt and grease, his mind wandered along its own errant path, memories returning unbidden that he'd been trying to submerse his whole adult life. Memories of the person who'd made him feel like he belonged. He'd have been lying if he'd said there wasn't an ulterior motive for coming back. It was dumb to even hope she'd still be here after all this time. He'd already sat in that damn treehouse yesterday, cursing himself and getting mad, and tried to brush it off. But the guilt was creeping up on him, guilt he hadn't felt so vividly in years was burrowing under his skin now he was home. The more time that passed, the more persistent the thoughts were becoming. Was she still around? Was she married? Was she happy? He wanted to ask about her, needing at least a hint as to her well being, but he was afraid of the answer either way. Afraid that she was here, afraid that she wasn't. If she was still around, it was inevitable that at some point he would have to face her and relive things that filled him with shame. If she wasn't though, all he had were memories, and the prospect of never seeing her again was almost unthinkable. Sure, he hadn't seen her for fifteen years, but there was always a small glimmer of hope in his heart that time might have stopped in Senoia and he would go back and find her still there, untouched by the years. There always seemed like there would be time. Even if she was with someone else, and he didn't doubt it after all these years, seeing her would be something at least.

"Daryl you okay under there?" Dale's voice broke through the fog in his mind and made him jump and bang his head off the underside of the car.

"Ahh dammit!" Daryl cursed, sliding out from under the car and rubbing his forehead, checking his hand for blood and squinting up at the voice.

"I called ya three times, thought you maybe fell asleep under there," Dale grinned, oblivious to his pain as always. "Daryl Dixon, I'd like ya to meet Rick Grimes. He's our Sheriff's Deputy."

Daryl had hauled himself to his feet and wiped his hands on his pants, leaving brown trails up his legs. He looked Rick up and down, trying to ascertain what kind of man he was. He looked at Rick's outstretched hand and clasped it roughly, shaking it once and letting it go.

"Good to meet you Daryl," Rick smiled genuinely. "I hear you're a bit of a prodigal son."

"Yeah I lived here for a bit when I was a kid," Daryl looked to Dale with a nostalgic half smile. "Been a long time."

"How's it feel to be back? Must be nice to be home."

"S'a little weird. Place looks so different, an' I ain't seen anyone I know 'cept Dale. He's like a damn relic, he never changes." Daryl laughed at Dale's mock shocked expression.

The men shared a laugh and got talking. As they chatted Daryl decided this Rick seemed a decent guy. He was laid back and cool, and didn't look like your stereotypical asshole cop like the ones that used to bust him and Merle for doing dumb shit. He didn't have any airs or graces, and wasn't up his own ass. For Daryl that was all it took to make him relax into conversation. An easiness fell between them that made it seem like he'd known this Grimes guy in a previous life. There was something familiar and warm about him.

"So you got a family Daryl?"

"Nah man, my old man died not long ago, that's why I'm here."

"Ah, m'sorry to hear that," Rick frowned. "What I meant though was do you have a family, y'know wife and kids, that kinda thing?"

"Pfft, nah if my old man's anythin' to go on I ain't in a hurry neither." Daryl snorted at the thought of him being a parent. He could barely take care of himself.

Rick chuckled a little at this, clearly no idea that Daryl meant every word. "Well you never know. I never thought I'd have a kid but he's almost thirteen now. I haven't screwed up yet so there's hope for us all."

Daryl couldn't resist a laugh at the idea. This guy didn't look as though he'd had a hard day in his life. He was never going to suck at being a father, no doubt he'd come from a loving family and had a laid back, easy paced life, sauntering along the years picking up a wife and a son like a snowball rolling down a slope. He hadn't spent his life looking over his shoulder, listening for heavy footsteps on the stairs, running for the woods as fast as his legs would carry him. Of course Rick would be an amazing father, because the fear of becoming his own wasn't rooted in his gut like a tumour. Daryl swore to himself all his life that he would never put another life in that position. Nobody would fear him, and he wouldn't have anyone except himself to let down. A responsibility of that magnitude was beyond his comprehension. Only one person could maybe have helped him to understand, and she was gone. He had let her down too, and if he wasn't able to have it with her, he'd rather not imagine at all.

"So can you fix it today? I know it's a big ask but I'm kinda desperate." Rick looked to Dale and screwed up his face hopefully.

"Ask my man here, he was born with a wrench in his hand," Dale grinned, slapping Daryl on the shoulder.

"Sure, no worries man. I'll take a look." Daryl nodded, squinting in the late morning sunshine. "From what ya said it sounds like the drive belt is shot." He popped the hood of Rick's car and peered in at the engine. "Hmm, yeah it looks a bit worn. Could probably use a new one."

"Shit, is it gonna take long to fix?"

"If we got a spare I can have it done in a half hour tops?" Daryl directed his question at Dale.

"Yeah, I reckon I might have just the thing. You wanna grab a coffee while you wait for it?"

"Yeah I guess I could hang around, catch up," Rick smiled. "Thanks man, you're really saving my ass."

"No problem," Daryl nodded. Dale disappeared into the office and rummaged through several boxes before finding the pack containing the new belt and lobbed it Daryl's way.

Daryl got to work right away, picking his way through the engine and releasing the old belt. He fell into his old work habits with such ease it was like he'd never been away. The focus he'd held as a teenager returned to him without any conscious thought at all, it all came back so naturally. He worked quickly, methodically, and he was finished before his predicted half hour was up. He stood back and admired his handiwork, feeling thoroughly satisfied. He felt like he'd done something useful for the first time in months and it gave his confidence a much needed boost. It also crossed his mind that Rick would be pleased, and he relished the thought that he might even be impressed. He kinda liked this guy, and subconsciously he wanted Rick to like him. All the negativity he'd had from his old man, from Merle, from teachers at school, telling him he was a simple minded piece of shit, that he would never amount to anything had been drilled into him his whole life. Now he had a chance to start over again without them and find his place among people who held him in a new regard, who saw him as something, _someone _of worth. He could be anything he wanted to be now, and he decided whatever he was gonna be, he would be a hundred times what any of them ever were.

Daryl peered around the doorway of the office to find Dale and Rick sitting on the same threadbare armchairs he'd sat in as a kid, sharing a joke and drinking coffee. Rick looked up expectantly.

"S'all done." He lobbed the keys at Rick, who looked at Dale then his watch.

"Already? Jeez, that was fast."

"Told ya, kid always fixed things quicker than I could break them," Dale beamed. "You manage to finish those brakes on the T-bird yet?"

"Did that before ya gave me a concussion," he smirked.

"Well I gotta tell you Daryl, I'm impressed. I thought I was gonna be off the road a few days at least so thank you." Rick gulped the last dregs of his coffee and looked at his watch again. "Dale I'll settle the rest with you on Saturday, if you're still coming?"

"Of course, I'll be there," Dale nodded and stood up.

"Hey, why don't you come along Daryl?" Rick asked as the three men moved out into the yard again, walking towards Rick's car. "We're having a little get together for our anniversary, just a few friends over for a barbeque and some drinks?"

"Aww I dunno man, I don't really know anybody." Daryl chewed his lip, trying to think of a way to pass but not sound like an ungrateful jackass.

"Exactly! I figure you're new in town… sort of. Be a good chance to meet some folks. Anyway Dale and I will be there so you'll know _someone. _I really appreciate you savin' my ass today with the car and all, at least come for a drink, my way of sayin' thanks."

Daryl looked at Rick's pleading eyes and then at Dale who was grinning stupidly and let out a defeated sigh. "Alright, I guess it wouldn't kill me. Thanks man."

"No, thank you." Rick settled his hat onto his head and held out his hand. Daryl grasped it firmly and nodded in acknowledgement. Rick got in his car and leaned out of the window to say goodbye. "See you both Saturday."

Dale gave a little wave goodbye and Daryl watched as Rick's car disappeared off down the road. A party? What the hell was he thinking? It was the least appealing idea in the world to him; hanging around like a spare part and suspecting everyone of furtive glances at the strange redneck dude. Sure, meeting people might be ultimately a good thing, but he was only just back. A little breathing space might have been nice, but then again the longer he got to breathe, the more chance there was of him talking himself out of going. _Hell, just go already, have a couple drinks then get the hell outta there._

When Rick was gone Dale turned to him and slapped him affectionately on the back. "How about some lunch, then we'll see if you still wash cars as well as you fix them?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It's Friday bitchezzzzz! And you know what that means... you beautiful lot get another chapter to read! Right now is an awesome time to be a Caryler is it not?! All the spoiler pics and theories and even awesomer pics of... I wanna say scripts but they're not... (What would we call them? Camera guy scripts?) that the amazing upsgirl88 procured from her friend! Anyway, I'm buzzing as I'm sure most of you are too!**

**This chapter was a lot of fun to write. Carol's mind throughout this story is a complex arena and this gives me so many avenues to explore. The inner workings of an abused person's mind is a delicate thing to try to portray properly, but I hope I have done it justice. Again, I can't take ALL the credit; my fab buddies kaoscraze and allidon helped me out a ton making sure everything about this was just right. It was fun to write for other reasons, but I won't spoil it for you :) just read!**

**Anyhoo, I'm off to try and catch up before you're all on my tail! Happy reading and remember, reviews make me a happy bunny! **

**Disclaimer #1: I do NOT own TWD or any of its characters. They just come into my mind and do stuff and thangs.**

**Disclaimer #2: Boooo you Emmy people! **

Chapter 4

"Are you crazy?!" Carol eyeballed him and tried to keep her voice down so no one in the hallway would hear them. "What if we get caught? I'm not spending the next week grounded Daryl."

"Aw c'mon, stop bein' such a chicken," he grinned. "We ain't gonna get caught. I've got it all planned out. Trust me."

Carol sighed. "I wanna trust you, but I also don't wanna wind up in detention."

Daryl smirked. He seemed to be in detention every week for something. Carol was a straight A student and she wanted to keep it that way. When Daryl had come over this morning to walk her to school like he always did, there had been a gleam in his eye that she knew only came out when he was planning something mischievous. She should've known better than to let it go and chalk it up to something trivial. Now here he was, standing in front of her with the bell about to ring for fifth period, trying to convince her to skip out on the rest of the class for the day and take off with him on some half-schemed adventure. The sad part was she was actually considering going along with it.

"Aw man just come on. We'll tell them you got sick and had to go home. I'll make sure we get ya back before your folks get home too."

"Daryl…"

"Please? I promise, you're gonna love it."

Carol eyed him suspiciously and tried in vain to suppress a grin as he pouted at her with big blue puppy dog eyes.

"Oh alright! But if we get caught you take the blame." She scowled at him.

"Oh trust me, even you'd do time for what I got in mind."

He led her down the hall, Carol's mind still trying to figure out a good enough excuse for what she'd say if anyone found out.

"Do I at least get a clue where we're going?"

Daryl could barely contain his excitement as he pulled her through the crowd of students heading to their next class, grinning at her like an idiot. "You'll see."

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

"Oh my God this is amazing!" Carol had to shout to be heard above the rip of the wind in her own ears.

"I told ya!" Daryl yelled back. "Am I a fuckin' genius or what?"

"No, you're just crazy!"

Her hair would be a complete nightmare to brush out after this but feeling the wind rip through it was exhilarating and had her heart flying in her chest. His back gave her face some shelter from the harsh elements as they rode, and she used the necessity of holding on to him as an excuse to snuggle up. To say she'd been apprehensive when he'd presented Merle's bike and divulged his brilliant plan would have been an understatement. She'd looked at him like he was an idiot but now it seemed like pretty much the best idea he'd ever had. She'd never experienced anything like this in her life, it was definitely going to take something spectacular to beat this feeling.

They rode to a picturesque little rise of land overlooking town and Daryl decided this was as good a spot as any to stop for a rest. He steadied the bike near a little family of trees while Carol climbed off and attempted desperately to tame her curls which were dishevelled to say the least from the ride. Daryl looked her messy mane over and snorted a laugh, and she shoved him in mock annoyance.

"Keep it up, redneck. I got plenty ways to make your life a misery."

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do?"

"Now why would I tell you and ruin all the fun?" Carol grinned mischievously at him.

They settled down on the grass near the edge of the overhang and took in the view. It was turning out to be a beautiful day, and Carol let out a blissful sigh. Daryl looked at her curiously and laughed under his breath.

"What?" she chuckled. "I was just thinking, we should be in Math or something right now."

"Man fuck that, this is way better."

"Oh yeah? I kinda thought you'd be basking in all the attention," she grinned.

"Attention? The hell ya talkin' about?"

"From Amanda?" Carol rolled her eyes suggestively. "Your little not-so-secret admirer?"

"Pfft," Daryl scoffed, picking at the grass, "chick's crazy, she creeps me out."

"Yeah right, I've seen you checking her out in class," she teased, relishing the way his cheeks were starting to fill with colour.

"Stop. I ain't been checkin' her out. Told ya, I don't do all that romance shit."

"What, never?"

Daryl shifted uncomfortably under her gaze and she couldn't help but smile at the way he looked all flustered at what she was asking. She knew he was shy but she'd always assumed he'd at least had a girlfriend.

"You can't tell me you've never had a girlfriend?" Carol asked, her voice laden with disbelief.

"Can we just change the damn subject already?"

"I'm not judging, just asking."

Daryl glared at her in annoyance. "No, I ain't had one. Ya happy?"

Carol gave him a little smile. "But you have kissed a girl before?"

"Course I have, m'not a total loser." He avoided her gaze like the plague as his cheeks glowed, betraying him.

"Have you kissed Amanda?" She felt dread and hope churn in her stomach. "I mean, would you, if she asked?"

"I already told ya she gives me the creeps," he muttered.

Carol felt her spirits lift a little and wondered if she should dare to dig further. "Well, if not Amanda, how about someone else?"

"I- I don't … Do we have to talk about this?"

Carol had said it half jokingly in an attempt to lighten the mood, keeping the real intent behind it to herself. She was totally unprepared for his response - she'd been expecting his usual dismissive 'pfft, stop'. Instead her tummy fluttered and a light came on somewhere inside her.

"Daryl?"

Her breath caught as her eyes hovered on him, meeting with the side of his head as he ripped up handfuls of grass and avoided her behind a mop of ragged hair. His face burned with embarrassment. She'd been so convinced and secretly heartbroken in school, casting wistful glances back at him and thinking his eyes were focused on Amanda, who sat in between them in math class. She'd carried the hope that one day maybe they would get together, and the hope got a little smaller each time she caught him looking over. Daryl eventually caved under the tension and looked up from behind wisps of straggly hair at her, his pained expression making her heart suddenly canon around in her chest. It dawned on her like an anvil falling on her head. He wasn't looking at Amanda.

"Oh." Carol breathed, unsure if she'd just slipped into a parallel universe.

He knew she'd figured it out and he was mortified. Daryl didn't hang around to wait on the rejection spiel, he jumped up irritably and trudged off, throwing himself against one of the trees. He thrust his hands into his pockets and scuffed at the grass with his boot. She got up and followed him, approaching him cautiously. He looked lost.

"Daryl, it's okay. I just… I didn't realise… "

"How could ya not realise?" He fiddled with a stray blade of grass. "Been starin' at ya like some fuckin' perv all through class."

"You're not a perv," she snorted incredulously.

"Close as I'm ever gonna get… ain't like it's ever gonna happen."

"Why not?" Carol asked, her voice coming out almost as a whisper.

Daryl's eyes evaded her, flitting around nervously on the ground, combing every gnarled root and trodden blade of grass for an answer he couldn't find. Eventually he had to meet her eyes because there was nowhere else for him to hide.

"Not exactly your type," he huffed.

"How do you know you're not my type?"

"Figure ya can have any guy ya want, why would ya even look twice at me?" His hair covered his face as he hung his head.

Carol's heart sank. He had absolutely no confidence in himself whatsoever and it broke her heart. Daryl was the kindest, most caring person she'd ever met, but there was another insecure, self conscious side buried deep within him and it killed her that she was only just realising the depth of it. Without thinking she reached for his face, recoiling a little at the slight flinch before he allowed her to touch him.

"I've been looking at you for months, ya big dummy. If I'd had some kinda idea you felt something I'd have said something by now. I really did think you and Amanda…"

"I fucking hate Amanda!," he groaned, "she's a stuck up little bitch."

"Okay so no Amanda," she laughed, letting her hand fall. "Got it."

They exchanged nervous, shy glances, neither one sure what to say or do next. Carol knew she'd be the one to break the deadlock, mainly because she couldn't stand the tension, and as nervous as she was, she knew he'd never be the one to do it.

"So how many girls have you really kissed?"

Daryl's eyes never left the ground, his face burning beet red. "None."

Seizing what little crazy confidence still buzzed inside her, she closed the space between them quickly before he had the chance to realise what was going on and her lips brushed his lightly. She felt him suck in a surprised breath as they met, his body struggling to hold back the reaction. His lips didn't respond but he didn't pull away either. She knew he had to be terrified, and it was radiating from him and spreading throughout her body. As much as she feared this could change things between them forever, she knew it was a chance she had to take or forever risk being in limbo, unsure of where she stood with him. When she pulled back he was still there, frozen to the spot with a look of bewilderment plastered across his face. At least he hadn't tried to run.

"So?"

"Huh?" Daryl stuttered, looking bemused.

"Was it that bad?"

"Bad?" He looked at her like she was insane. "What makes ya say that?"

"You look like you're about to run for the hills."

His expression lightened a little and he let out a little smirk. "Sorry, caught me off guard I guess. Was that, y'know, your first?"

"Yeah," she smiled shyly.

"Was it okay?"

Carol's heart melted all over again as she realised that he was more concerned for her than himself. "It was perfect. Although.."

"Although what?"

"I think we could both use some more practise."

She moved slowly, knowing this time he wouldn't feel like bolting for the hills. Both of them were nervous, tentative, but he managed to hold her gaze; his eyes soft and warm, causing her stomach to flutter wildly. His eyes flickered between her lips and eyes as he tried to figure out the right moment, his chest seizing as the tip of her nose made his skin tingle with anticipation. Their lips touched softly and this time he tilted his head gently in response, allowing her to capture him completely. Her heart buzzed frantically with this newfound aching and she never wanted it to stop. He could easily have escaped if he'd wanted to, but he was utterly entranced because it felt so right. Carol was surprised; it seemed so easy, like they'd been kissing all their lives. He was a natural.

Standing for what felt like hours, under the little canopy of trees at the top of the hill, Carol and Daryl became lost to the world as they explored this new closeness. Daryl was right. This might just be worth doing time for.

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

Carol swilled the thoughts around in her head, making one sound as convincing as the next, trying to drill some sort of courage into herself. It was going to be okay. He wouldn't give a shit if she went to some dumb party, he was going away this weekend anyway so why would he care? She washed her hands and looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, exhaling nervously, her heart beating a little faster than it normally did. She had to calm down, it was just a party for goodness' sake. He wouldn't care. Carol pulled herself together and breathed normally, trying to bring her anxiety levels back down.

She opened the bathroom door and wandered down the hall to peek around Sophia's doorway. She was lying on her tummy in bed, head propped up on her elbows reading a book. Carol smiled as Sophia failed to realise she was there. She was lost in her own imagination. It seemed a shame to disturb her.

"Whatcha readin'?" Carol stepped further into the room, bringing Sophia back to planet earth.

"It's called A Little Princess. It's about a rich girl who has to live in a boarding school because her daddy is a Captain and he has to go look for a diamond mine, but he tells the head mistress she's to have everything she wants. She's not spoiled though, she's kind to all the other girls, and some of them are very poor. Anyway, her father gets jungle fever and dies, and the headmistress is mean to her because she doesn't have any money now, and she makes her a slave. That's as far as I got."

"Ah, well I'm afraid that's as far as we get tonight because it's bed time, missy," Carol smiled, stroking her daughters face. "Go brush your teeth quick and I'll tuck you in."

Sophia laid the book face down and jumped to her feet, skipping off to brush her teeth. Carol picked up the book and read a few lines then smiled at the bookmark on Sophia's duvet. It had a big furry bumblebee on a daisy with a long green stem. Carol marked the page with it and closed the book, leaving the daisy and the bee peeking out of the top. Two minutes later Sophia came back and hopped into bed, shifting herself down under the covers as Carol pulled them over her.

"Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"Carl said his mom and dad are having a party this weekend and we're invited. Do you think we could go?" Sophia's bright eyes twinkled up at her expectantly.

"We'll see sweetie, but until I discuss it with your daddy we don't mention it, okay?"

"Okay mama. It would be fun though, wouldn't it?"

Carol smiled and dropped a kiss on Sophia's forehead and turned off her bedside lamp. "Night baby girl."

"Night mama, love you."

"Love you more."

As she clicked Sophia's door closed, her breath left her in a rush of hopelessness. Any bravery she had felt about bringing the party up to Ed had vanished and been replaced with a despondent heaviness. The thought of him being unreasonable was now doubly unbearable. Sophia had looked so hopeful about the idea of going to the party, and it would break her heart to have to tell her they couldn't go. Then a thought occurred to her. A thought so tantalizingly plausible she had to stop a laugh escaping. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Maybe because she'd programmed herself to swerve all thoughts that could get her into trouble. She allowed the idea to creep out of the murky dungeon in her mind where she hid everything away, undecided yet whether she should allow it to come out for good.

As she made her way downstairs on autopilot to the kitchen she felt almost like a naughty teenager hiding something from her parents. He was sitting in front of the tv like he usually did on evenings where he wasn't propping up the bar with his buddies. The thought was burning in her brain like a cigarette and she thought if he looked around he would see the smoke and she would be busted for sure. She just knew it would be written all over her face; it couldn't be more obvious she was plotting supposing there were neon flashing arrows pointing to her. Then again, did he notice her at all? If he was in tv and beer mode she'd often thought a nuclear bomb wouldn't draw his attention.

There was always the chance she would be found out. It hung like a cloud over every aspect of her daily life, but this would be much worse than simply spending a cent more than he allowed at the store. The prospect burrowed in her gut, but it was miniscule in comparison to the guilt she would feel letting Sophia down. As she took in the sight of him slobbed out in his chair, swigging from his can, she decided she was done asking for permission. _Look at him, he's disgusting. _He couldn't even acknowledge her when she walked into the room, why should she care either way? If she got found out, to hell with it. He couldn't do anything to her he hadn't already done a million times over. For a night free from him, having fun with her daughter and her friends, she'd take it. There had to be more to life than living under his bootprint. Some things were worth doing time for.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**Hellooooo dears! Gosh these weeks sure are rolling around quicker than I thought they would! Chapter 5 already! Did anyone happen to brave the Caryl tag on Tumblr on Wednesday? All I have to say is whooooa! I felt like I was too young to be reading some of that stuff haha!**

**Anyhoo, bit of Daryl backstory in this one, and more Daryl/Dale squishiness just because I love you all. Back to typing like a fiend I go! And remember… I LOVE to hear from you guys! **

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters are not mine, yadda yadda.**

Chapter 5

His father had been a prisoner to alcohol for as long as Daryl could remember, although he did remember after his mother died it had gotten a lot worse. His father sunk even deeper into the murky depths and he'd spent a hell of a lot of time just staying out of his way. He had become an expert at reading the signs that he was careening off the rails and he could pinpoint the event horizon right down to the second. His father's eyes became black holes, the light rushing out of them like stars being pulled to their death. Then he was running, running for the woods - running until he ran out of breath. If he was out of that house, he was safe. The alternative was like some horribly lucid nightmare. Merle had endured most in the wrath of the storm for years, but now Daryl was more or less a man he made a very handy second option. Merle had come to Daryl's rescue on many occasions and suffered himself to protect his kid brother. Merle was much bigger built than scrawny Daryl who had yet to fill out, but William Henry Dixon, or Will as he was more commonly known, was a huge man, and could overpower his elder son's strength without breaking a sweat. He was built like a bull, with a wide neck that seemed to disappear somewhere between his almost bald, greying head and shoulders. His giant hands looked like sculpted concrete on the end of thick powerful forearms, and his broad back and chest looked capable of heaving tons. The very sight of the man mountain was enough to instil fear.

On days like this, however, Daryl got to glimpse a different side to his father. In the woods, a calming energy subdued him and it was almost like being with a different man. He was utterly focused and in tune with the wilderness, the sights, smells and sounds of the forest speaking to him on some subliminal level, cleansing his spirit of the toxins within. Daryl had watched him a few times, tracking deer and trapping rabbits. Will had attempted to teach him when he was five years old, disappointed that Merle showed little interest in hunting, preferring to seek the company of girls and recreational drugs. Of course he was much too young and showed no promise. Will lost interest in the idea quickly, and following his wife's death, Daryl was left to fend for himself most of the time. Will abandoned any sense of fatherly responsibility and withdrew from sobriety completely. With Merle in juvie, Daryl had no one to take care of him or make sure he was fed. Some days he went to school just so he could get something to eat. As he grew up unsupervised, Daryl began to venture into the woods. After a few days on his own when he'd gotten lost, he'd found his way home and scraped together a sandwich. He was like a dog returning home to eat, and it gave him a sense of freedom. The idea that he could just come and go, and take care of himself was starting to grow on him; he didn't need to rely on anybody. This nomadic lifestyle might just have been his new favourite thing. Daryl decided to teach himself how to hunt, remembering what little he'd learned from his father. He would hunt whatever he could find in the forest, setting traps and improving through trial and error. It gave him an enormous sense of worth, knowing that there was something he could do right and reeping the rewards. Survival at its most primal level made him feel like a damn superhero.

There was a brief period of sobriety for Will as he found himself in a spot of bother with the wrong people and he uprooted them to Senoia, where he'd grown up. During the upheaval Daryl would spend a lot of time out in the forest, continuing to hone his skills and bring back food for the table. Will came to realise his son was a natural tracker and had become a man in his absence. The weak boy who'd shown no promise before was now a capable and proficient trapper. One day Will decided to dust down his crossbow and accompany Daryl on his daily wander. An easy atmosphere blew in the breeze between them, although force of habit saw him fall in behind Will. He followed literally in his father's footsteps, shadowing him as they stalked various forest dwelling creatures before halting as his old man dealt the killer blow.

They were following a trail, both sets of eyes trained on the foliage, unravelling the clues left by whatever had scurried along in front of them minutes before. Suddenly Will stopped, holding his free arm up slightly to alert Daryl. He turned his head to flick a quick glance over his shoulder to Daryl and nod in the direction that had grabbed his attention. Daryl crept closer until he was right next to Will and it was then he saw it. At the base of a nearby tree, a squirrel was sitting with its tail curled over its back, happily munching and oblivious to their presence.

Daryl waited for the thunk of the arrow that he expected, and felt more than a little surprised when instead of the thunk he felt a nudge on his arm as Will handed him his crossbow and nodded towards the target in expectation. Daryl looked at him in confusion and disbelief for a second before realising it wasn't a piss take. He raised his arm and steadied it with the other as much as he could under the weight of the weapon, took a deep breath and lined up the shot. He let fly and missed, the arrow whizzing past the squirrel and landing in the foliage behind it. The squirrel paused and stood to attention before finally deciding there was no danger and resuming its munching. Will took the bow back and notched up another arrow, handing it back to Daryl and leaning in to speak quietly in his ear.

"Okay straighten up," Will adjusted Daryl's posture, aligning his body with huge hands. "Hold yer breath until yer ready ta fire then let go. Go 'head."

Daryl took another deep breath and held it, lining up the squirrel which was now half way up the tree trunk, and felt time stop as he counted down in his head before squeezing the trigger. This time the arrow didn't miss. The squirrel hung from the bark in a limp furry bundle; he'd managed to shoot it right in the head. Daryl's breath rushed from him and he jumped as Will let out a raucous laugh, his face turning so red Daryl thought he might explode. Daryl was so taken aback he began to shake as his own laughter built from down in his gut.

"Well fuck me! That little bastard just ate his last nut!" He slapped Daryl on the back. "Go grab him an' we'll haul ass home."

Daryl grabbed the arrow and yanked it out of the tree, the squirrel dropping to the ground at his feet. He picked it up by the tail, feeling a sudden pang of guilt for laughing at its poor lifeless body swinging and cast a glance up at Will. He was smiling, actually smiling at him, and there wasn't a trace of mocking or malice in his eyes, no hidden disappointment at how useless he was. He glimpsed something in his old man's eyes that he had never seen before, which came from finally getting it right. He was proud of him. Daryl couldn't contain the smile that burst in reply. He felt like he'd been given a gift as Will put an arm around him roughly and they headed for home. The prospect of pleasing his father was so new and unexplored that he felt almost giddy. As the sunset cast a muted gold glow over the woodland, Daryl felt a wave of contentment roll over him. It had been a good day, one he would take with him and keep to light any dark ones yet to unfold. He hoped there were no more dark days. Maybe things were gonna work out now. Something he'd never felt before came alive inside him. Hope.

_**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**_

Will's hunting cabin had looked exactly the same as it did the last time Daryl had seen it. His dad's shit was still strewn everywhere, reminders that made him feel like he was seventeen again, that made him flinch whenever he heard a floorboard creak. A presence still hung in the air of the living room, in the stale lurk of cigarette smoke long absorbed into the furnishings, in the tacky dated décor. His old man's ashtray - a vulgar piece in the style of a red bra - still sat on the floor beside his chair practically overflowing. The years hadn't been too harsh on the cabin; there was some water damage to the roof upstairs, and the doors and skirtings would definitely need updated but all in all it was habitable for now.

The first thing he'd done was open every window in the place. The air was thick and musty, and after he'd stopped coughing he'd opened the front and back door to let some air flow in. Now that his father was gone he finally felt free, but stepping into the cabin was like opening a time capsule and it turned his stomach. The walls were bare and cold, making the place look like an abandoned asylum. There were no photos or anything that implied the place or his family meant anything to him. Cigarette butts and empty crushed beer cans littered the living room and he felt like at any moment the old bastard could walk in and shatter his freedom. These ghosts laying all around him were unbearable. Even now he still felt his old man's presence on him, a heavy veil of memories, suffocating, choking him. He shook it off and began climbing the stairs.

The upper level of the cabin felt eerie. There were only three rooms on the landing; a bathroom, the small room where he and Merle had slept and that Will used for storing miscellaneous hunting gear, and his old man's bedroom. Almost immediately he was drawn towards the room Will had slept in.

Curiosity pulled him into the room, which he realised he'd never really seen at all. Any time Will had gone to sleep in that room, it became a red zone. Venturing in there during a drink induced slumber was something - he'd learned from Merle - that you didn't do. He felt like he was visiting a scene from history, a moment frozen in time. The bed sheets were still a blur of mess where they'd been thrown off for the last time so many years ago. More beer cans littered the floor, making their presence known as Daryl's boots picked their way around the bed. The bedroom continued the asylum theme, comprising only the bed, a dresser and a large chest at the foot of the bed. The chest looked ancient and well worn, the wood pitted with hundreds of little dents where his old man had dug his knife into it by the looks of things; nothing like you would be able to buy in a store nowadays. As Daryl knelt in front of it he realised it had no lock, just two simple catches to keep the chest closed. Daryl allowed himself a wry snort as he considered the very idea that Will Dixon would feel the need to have a lock on anything. His mere presence was all the deterrent anyone needed. Despite the fact he was now gone, Daryl was in two minds about opening the chest. He knew there would be no backlash, no yelling, yet somehow as his fingers grazed the mottled, cold wood, he could hear his father's voice echoing. He wanted to lift the lid out of simple curiosity, but he was also apprehensive about what might be in there. If it was fishing bait fifteen years old he was screwed.

Taking a deep breath, he flipped the catches on the heavy lid and pushed it up slowly with his palm. As light filtered into the box he could see it was full of crap. Pictures of various people Daryl had never seen before, bolts and fittings of indeterminate use or origin, varying motorcycle books and journals. As he rummaged he came across numerous items that had belonged to Merle. Daryl was dumb as to why any of Merle's shit would be in the old man's trunk, his first assumption being that the old bastard simply took it and never gave it back. It became clear as he delved further into the chest. Everything was Merle's. The first arrow he'd made a kill with, some shitty clock he'd made in woodshop, a crappy hunting knife Daryl knew he'd stolen. Daryl raked irritably through the possessions, frantically almost, until he was at the bottom of the chest and found nothing. Nothing that even alluded to his existence in Will's life. His stomach was a pit of lead, his eyes burning holes in his head as bitter tears threatened to choke him. He got up and stormed out of the room, arms swinging as he strode towards the stairs. As he thundered down the creaky stairs his heart hammered in his chest. All the hurt and the anger was brewing in his chest like a tempest, his breathing ragged as he rebelled against the hot water welling in his eyes.

His eyes stung as he surveyed the spot where Will had sat after many a day spent hunting, drinking and shooting empty beer cans off the top of the tv set. He felt his muscles tense as his eyes drifted over the threadbare material of the chair. The cushion still had a deep hollow where his father had moulded it to his shape. He was everywhere. He was sitting there still, judging him, laughing at him, telling him he wasn't good enough. He had a real son, and the bastards were probably in on it together.

He swung his foot at the sea of rubbish and cans around the chair and smashed them angrily into the wall. He spied Merle's baseball bat in the corner and grabbed it, obliterating everything around him in a blaze of white hot anger. The burnt out lamp, the old tv set, the stupid fucking tray he'd sat his damn microwave dinners on while Daryl went hungry night after night. He swung as hard as he could, the crash of glass bringing him immense satisfaction, each rush of the bat coming harder than the one before. Bullets of sweat lashed down his temples, slicking his dark hair into demonic points on his skin, swinging and swinging until his arms burned in agony, grunting with effort. Finally his grip on the bat loosened and it clattered to the floor. He wanted to cry, he really did, but he'd let them humiliate him for the last time.

Swivelling on his heel he thundered out to his truck and reversed it right up to the front door. Then he started grabbing anything he could carry and hurling it all venomously into the back of the truck. He had to get rid of everything. Even if he decided not to stay here, he couldn't leave these pages unaltered. He might be dead but there was no way the old bastard was having the last word, not this time.

_**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**_

"Are you alright?"

Dale's voice broke through the fog in his mind and he realised he'd been staring at the engine for ages. He blinked and looked away, the outline of the engine still flashing in his vision like a negative.

"Sorry man," he mumbled hoarsely.

"Daryl are you okay? You're miles away today." Dale put a hand on Daryl's shoulder.

"Sorry," Daryl huffed, scratching the back of his neck. "Head's up my ass right now. Can't get used to bein' back in the cabin."

Dale nodded in understanding. "Yeah, it can't be easy. I know it's not somewhere that holds fond memories."

"Just don't get why he left it to me in the first place."

Dale sighed. "Listen, there's no point in you driving yourself crazy. You'll never know why he chose to leave it to you, but the fact is that it's yours now. Do what you want to, either make it your own or sell it. Nobody would blame you."

"Place is fallin' down," Daryl snorted. "Although my granddaddy built it with his own two hands. S'the only piece of land any Dixon ever put any effort into."

"So fix it up," Dale shrugged. "I never met a man who was better at fixing things than you Daryl Dixon. If anyone can whip that place into shape, it's you. I know you can do it."

Daryl looked at the ground , his body sagging as he let slivers of self doubt and loathing rooted in his past surface again for a moment.

"Y'know when I was a kid, he was wasted most of the time. Sometimes I didn't eat for fuckin' days 'cause he was too busy drinkin' to work an' we had no money. I taught myself to track an' hunt so I didn't starve. Anyways, when he finally sobered up he came out with me one day. We were followin' a trail an' he sees this squirrel, just sittin' at the bottom of a tree." Daryl's voice softened as he recalled the little creature. "My old man handed me his bow an' let me take the shot. Missed it first time, but he straightened me up, y'know? Second time I hit it right in the head, nailed it to the damn tree. I walks up to grab it off the tree trunk, I turn around, an' he's smilin' at me. He actually looked fuckin' proud of me. It was one of the best days of my goddamn life. I thought he… I thought things could be different, y'know? It was all just shit."

"Why do you think that?" Dale encouraged him to go on.

"The other day I found a trunk in his room, full of crap. Most of it Merle's. Fuck all to do with me in there. Guess I always knew Merle was his favourite. He always looked at me like I was a mistake." Daryl looked up to meet Dale's eyes. "But that day he looked at me like I was his son an' not some accident was the only good memory I had of him… and he took it away. It was all fuckin' bullshit."

Dale's eyes flickered with sympathy. "Well I think you can deal with this two ways. You can either feel sorry for yourself and dwell in the past, or you can turn this thing on its head. The past's gone Daryl, all you have is the future. Fix the place up, make it your own, don't let him win. You might have lost one memory, but think how many more you can make if you give yourself a chance. You've taken care of yourself your whole life, this should be a walk in the park for you. You can do anything, just believe in yourself, I know I do."

Daryl looked up at him and a faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He'd always known how to bring Daryl out of the shadows and make him feel like he was worth something. Even after all this time he still had the knack, and Daryl couldn't deny he felt better. His own father might not have given a damn about him, but he knew he could always count on Dale to be proud of him, even if it was something as shitty as fixing an old house with a leaky roof. He knew Dale and his wife had never been able to have children of their own, and having this undying affection still poured on him after all this time like he'd never been gone, made Daryl want to be there for him. He'd allowed Dale to be the father he should've had and now he knew it was up to him to be the kind of son worthy of his love. Dale never let him down, not once. Daryl wouldn't let him down now. He would rebuild the parts of the cabin that were falling down, and the parts of his soul would hopefully follow.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Well lovely Carylers how are we all on this glorious Friday? Everyone excited for the trailer? And HOW ABOUT the amazing McReedus pic?! I'm sure I wasn't alone in my flailing! **

**Anyhoo, on with the story! I should probably point out that this is quite a lengthy story, so if you are reading, PLEEEEASE stick with me! I know it's taken a while to get going, but I promise you things are gonna start moving along now! We have the party coming up (!) and other stuff which you do NOT want to miss! The next few chapters in particular on occasion made me cry (and not just because of my crappy writing, a-ha!) Again many thanks to my super editorial team of _kaoscraze_ and _allidon_! Check their work out, they are both awesome possums!**

**So, with my babbling out of the way, I give you Chapter 6 of Embers! **

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters did not originate in my brain. Unique food combos do however. PM for enquiries!**

Chapter 6

The house was blissfully quiet. Ed had left for his overnight away early in the morning and Carol was revelling in the peace that filtered and spread through each room as he got further away. The weight crushing her chest had lifted and she flew through the housework happily, getting it all done quickly so she could spend as long as possible with Sophia before the party. She had been in two minds about going, forever a prisoner to her morals and hating the idea of lying to him, although not as much as she hated the idea of being caught. She had to constantly remind herself she had to do this not just for herself but for Sophia. The guilt of deception quickly faded as she started to look forward to the evening and seeing her friends. For the first time in a long time, Carol felt like she could be herself again. The shadow that usually hung over her was gone and it felt amazing.

Sophia was buzzing with excitement when Carol had told her they were going. They got ready together, milking the peace and quiet for all it was worth and taking the opportunity for some long awaited girl time. Carol hated that they could never have this time when Ed was home, she had to be free to serve him when he demanded and it left very little time in her day for relaxation. It was nice to just spend time with her baby, doing girly things. Carol was painting her daughter's nails at the kitchen table, Sophia with her hair still wrapped in a towel. She was telling her all about her week at school and they got talking about boys. In particular one had been picking on her and she just couldn't seem to shake him off.

"He's like a bad smell Mama, he just won't leave me alone!"

"Has he hurt you?" Carol stopped painting and looked at her in concern.

"No, he just teases me in front of his friends." Sophia sighed and screwed her face up. "When he's on his own he doesn't say anything. Sometimes he smiles though, but he always looks away when I look up."

"Aha. Sounds to me like someone has a crush on my baby." Carol chuckled softly as she moved on to the other hand.

"A crush?" Sophia's eyes widened in horror. "Eww! I don't think so Mama."

"Oh yeah," Carol smiled. "Honey boys are silly. A lot of the time when they like someone, they show off and pick on you to look cool for their friends. When you get them on their own though and they give you that look, and go a bit red… oh yeah, you know."

"How do you know? Was it like that for you and Daddy?"

Carol was halted by the question, but moreso by a realisation that hit her like a bolt of lightning. Memories she'd more or less shut out since she married hit her in the gut again, ripping old scars open to hurt anew. She looked thoughtfully at her daughter before answering her question. "No baby, it wasn't. Before I met your father, there was… someone else."

Sophia was fascinated by this new information and waited eagerly for more. Carol hesitated, wondering if she was doing the right thing bringing the past up.

"I knew a boy once. We were best friends. He was the kindest, sweetest boy I ever knew, but he was real shy. I would catch him staring at me and he'd look away and turn bright red. He used to hide behind his hair." She smiled and gave a little giggle at the memory. "Of course it took him forever to admit he liked me but boys are like that. Not so good at the mushy stuff."

"What was his name?"

"Daryl," she smiled. "Daryl Dixon."

"Was he cute?" Sophia grinned excitedly, blowing her nails.

"Oh yeah, Daryl was very cute. He was real shy though, and quiet." Carol frowned as more memories seeped through. "His daddy was… he wasn't a very nice man."

"Like my Daddy?"

Carol shot her a warning glance, fearful of her saying such things even in his absence, but she couldn't deny the truth in the question. _Yes just like Daddy._

"He had a lot of trouble at home. But he had… me." _It wasn't enough, though._

Sophia paused, her face full of understanding and sympathy for the boy. She knew how he felt. "I'm glad he had you, mama."

"We were always together in those days," Carol smiled. "We used to have a great time, we'd do all kinds of outdoorsy stuff like fishing and climbing trees."

"Sounds like he was lots of fun," Sophia smiled back.

"He was," Carol's smile faded. "He was the best."

"What happened to him?"

Carol turned Sophia and started brushing out her damp hair. She didn't particularly want to delve any further, but if she had to then she'd rather not have Sophia register the pain in her eyes. "He moved away, and that was it. I never saw him again."

"Did he never write to you or come to visit? I thought he was your best friend."

"He was baby, but things aren't always as simple as they seem. Some things just aren't meant to be. " Carol's lip quivered and she took a deep breath to settle herself.

"Were you sad?"

"For a little while. I was really sad." Carol wiped a tear before it fell. "But then your daddy and I got married and you came along."

"Mama, I wish you had married Daryl. I wish he was my daddy instead of-"

Carol spun her round by the shoulders urgently. "Sophia, you mustn't say things like that… and you mustn't ever mention this to your daddy. He'd be very cross. We have to keep this conversation between us. Do you understand?"

"Yes Mama," Sophia nodded, a little taken aback by Carol's serious expression.

"Good girl. We need to take this off before he comes home too, okay?" Carol examined her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Sophia nodded again and Carol planted a kiss on her forehead, turning her back around to finish her hair. She suddenly felt a pang of sadness not just for her loss of Daryl, but now for Sophia's too. She'd never known any different than a life of listening from her room as her father yelled at her mother, trying to muffle the yelps and crashes under her pillow as she cried in bed. A life of knowing it was better not to ask her mama why she hissed in pain when she hugged her at the school gate, or why she couldn't stay over at her friend's house. Fresh tears prickled her eyes as she dwelt on the realisation that her daughter was just as much a prisoner in this nightmare she had long considered hers alone. She blinked the tears away, refusing to let Sophia see her upset.

"All done," she smiled, stroking Sophias cheeks. "You're so pretty. The boys will be chasing you down the street. Now scoot, let's go find something to wear."

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

"Daddy do you HAVE to do that?"

Carol huffed in exasperation, trying to tame her already unruly curls as her dad chuckled on the way past. Ruffling her hair was one of his favourite pastimes, mainly because he knew it drove her nuts.

"John leave her alone for goodness' sake," Gina tutted as she finished spreading her toast and placed the dripping plate of butter and bread on the table.

"Aw c'mon Gee, she loves it really, dontcha kitty cat?" John pinched a slice of toast and winked at Carol as she rolled her eyes at him and tried not to smile.

Gina looked at the kitchen clock and then at John. "Cutting it a little fine aren't you? I thought you had a meeting at nine?"

"I'm going in a minute!" he mumbled through a mouthful of toast. "Oh! My briefcase, good thing you reminded me!"

John got up and whizzed out of the kitchen, his hurried footsteps pattering upstairs leaving Carol and Gina alone. Carol munched on her toast and flicked lazily through the pages of the magazine she was reading.

"So I had a call from Mrs Graham yesterday."

Carol froze mid-chew. _Oh shit. _

"She seemed to think you hadn't shown up for your last two classes. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

Carol gingerly looked around at her mother, who was looking at her with folded arms and piercing blue eyes full of sternness. "I'm sorry mama. It was just this once, I promise it won't happen again."

"Carol you can't just go running off out of school! What if something happens and nobody knows where you are huh? I try to treat you like a grown up and have trust in you but when you do things like this… ugh, I don't know." Gina wiped down the kitchen counter and sighed in frustration. "Where were you Carol?"

"Mama I was with Daryl, nothing would've happened to me."

"Where Carol?" Her tone brooked no argument.

"We went for a ride." Carol spoke quietly, feebly hoping Gina wouldn't probe further.

"A ride? A ride on what, and where to exactly?"

Carol knew there was no way this conversation would end well so she decided honesty was probably her best policy, at the risk of being found guilty of lying too. Mothers knew everything, or at least hers seemed to, she would find out eventually, she had eyes everywhere.

"Just up on the hill over town," she mumbled. "We took his brother's bike and-"

"A bike? As in a motorcycle?" Gina sounded fit to explode. "Oh I don't believe I'm hearing this. Carol, you're barely seventeen! Do you have any idea how dangerous those things are? What if you'd been in an accident?"

"Mama we were careful, Daryl would never put me in danger."

"You know I'm beginning to wonder if I like you hanging around with him, I thought he was a nice boy but taking my daughter out on a motorcycle which he probably doesn't have permission to ride or insurance for that matter… I'm really not sure I'm comfortable with you seeing him."

"Please Mama, it wasn't Daryl's fault," Carol pleaded, eyes wide and full of panic. "I never meant to make you worry, ground me if you want but please don't make me stop seeing him."

"Well you give me one good reason why," Gina demanded.

John burst back into the room, out of breath from the stairs and looked like he'd walked onto a battlefield. The tension buzzing in the air didn't escape his notice but he could tell from the expression on his wife's face this was a matter to be discussed later when there was less chance of him stepping on a mine.

"Everything alright?" He attempted to lighten the mood of the room.

"Everything's fine. Shouldn't you be at work by now?" Gina scolded.

"Yes alright, I'm going!" John held his hands up in surrender. "I'll see you both later."

"Bye daddy," Carol's voice was laced with desperation, wishing he would stay and save her from this nightmare.

John winked at her and disappeared down the hall. She heard the front door closing and soon after his car engine revving as he set off for work. She could feel her mother's eyes boring into her and she looked up through watery eyes, trying to keep it together.

"Well?"

Carol looked down and screwed her face up against the tears, but they came anyway. She felt so pathetic but she didn't have a reason in her arsenal that was substantial enough to quell her mother's anger.

"You can dispense with the waterworks," Gina tried to sound stern.

Her mother's seemingly impenetrable resolve made her cry even more and after a few minutes of silence all except for her own sobbing, she heard Gina huff and throw down her dishcloth. The chair next to her scraped out and Gina sat down.

"Come on Carol, stop crying, you'll make yourself sick." Gina passed her a tissue. She hated seeing her upset and felt slightly guilty. "Look I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm just worried about what happens to you, I'm your mom, it's my job."

Carol wiped her eyes and tried to stave off her sobs, her breaths hitching as her body hiccupped against the resistance. Gina's face was softer now, not completely sympathetic, but the sternness had receded and she looked more approachable.

"I- I love him," she croaked.

"Daryl?" Gina asked. "You love Daryl?"

Carol nodded meekly. "I think so. Lately I- I've been feeling sort of… different about him."

"I see," Gina replied in her mother-knows-everything tone, "and does Daryl feel the same about you?"

"I think so. We uh…" Carol felt colour seep into her cheeks. "We sort of…"

"Sort of what?"

"We kissed," Carol mumbled bashfully.

"Uh huh." Gina couldn't help but smile a little. "Well I had a feeling this day was coming."

"You did?" Carol croaked. "How-"

"Carol I've known for months you two were getting close. A mother has eyes. You think I haven' t seen how you two are together? I also knew it was only a matter of time before you two pulled a stunt like this. I suppose I forget what it's like to be your age sometimes."

"Then why did you-"

"I wanted to hear it from you Carol. I wanted to know if I could trust you to be honest with me."

"I didn't mean to, I swear. It was just this one day, I promise it won't happen again, I'll never make you worry ever again."

Gina studied her daughter's pleading blue eyes thoughtfully, making her squirm a little as she considered her options. "Well, really I should make an example of this and ground your butt. What you did was dangerous and silly. Although you did come clean in the end. I want you to promise me, no more sneaking off like that. I will have your father walk you to class every day in his pajamas if you let me down again. Alright, you got one more chance, but you'd better not make me regret it."

"Thanks Mama, I promise I won't." Carol said quietly, not wanting to risk a smile yet.

"So, does this mean you and Daryl are a thing now?" Gina nudged her arm.

Carol blushed even harder. "I think so. I really like him a lot."

"You loved him just a minute ago, didn't you?"

"Well, I mean, y'know… I think I do." Carol stuttered. "It just feels right, like I'm meant to be with him and no one else."

"Well as much as I could wring his neck right now, he does make you happy. As long as you're happy and safe that's all I care about. I know I might sound like an ogre sometimes but that's what moms are for." Gina scraped an errant curl behind Carol's ear. "But hey, great kisser or no great kisser, I catch him whisking you off on that bike again before he's qualified to do so… I'll skin him alive, got it?"

Carol giggled and wiped her nose, relieved that the discussion seemed to be at an end. She felt strangely relieved that everything was out in the open now, relief mingled with happiness that she could be honest and come out of it more or less unscathed and feeling so much lighter from it. It was like she'd opened a new door of trust with her mother, and she vowed to herself not to let her down again. Mothers saw everything anyway, didn't they?

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

"Ladies, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" Rick greeted them as they entered the hallway.

Sophia giggled and Carol smiled at her friend, accepting his embrace. "Wouldn't have missed it. Where's your lady wife?"

"Ugh," he groaned. "She's in the kitchen causing mayhem. She's like a bear with a sore head. Well, more than usual."

"Oh," she exclaimed. "Do you think she needs a hand?"

A loud clatter of metal pots and pans landing unceremoniously behind the kitchen door made them both flinch. "I'll wait til she comes out."

Rick showed Carol and Sophia through the living room and out into the back garden to wait as Lori cleared up the carnage in the kitchen. Carol immediately zoned in on the cause of Lori's stress as Shane looked up and nodded in acknowledgement. They sat down as Rick disappeared indoors and Carol braced herself for raised voices. Carol could just make them out through the kitchen window and Lori looked like she could spit nails.

"Sophia, you made it!" Carl came running out of the house and made a beeline for her.

"Hey!" Sophia grinned. "Where's Simba? I've really missed him!"

"He's around here somewhere, let's go find him."

"Mama, can I?" Sophia batted her eyelids.

"Course you can honey, I'll be fine til you get back."

Carol smiled as she watched the two of them run off in search of the dog. Her smile faded as she looked up and saw Shane staring in the direction of the kitchen, swigging from his bottle irritably. Rick had managed to appease his wife to some extent and had his hand on her face, before pulling her into a close embrace. Shane grunted in disgust and stomped inside to use the bathroom, leaving a trail of tension behind him.

Carol got up and ventured over to the drinks table to pour herself something cold. It was hot as hell still, even though it was early evening. Thankfully Ed had left her alone for a few days, and her bruise was gone so she could wear light summer clothes and not worry about hiding her shame. She smiled up as Lori came outside and greeted her with a megawatt smile and a hug.

"I'm so happy you're here!" she gushed. "Where's Sophia?"

"Oh she deserted me the second we got here, she and her partner in crime are off looking for the dog." Carol smirked. "How are you? It's so good to see you."

"Ugh, well I was fine up until about an hour ago when Shane showed up." Lori rolled her eyes and poured herself a drink.

"Yeah, I saw. I thought you told Rick not to invite him?"

"He didn't see what the big deal was, and frankly I didn't have the energy to argue. He's here now, so I just gotta smile like an idiot and pretend I don't wanna kill him." Lori took a big gulp of her drink and sighed.

Carol giggled and sipped her own drink. "Are we still talking about Shane or are we back to Rick?"

"Oh don't worry, I'm not done with him either yet."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well hello my dears! Another week over, another chapter for you! I am so excited because I was sitting on Monday fretting about where the story was going and all of a sudden I had a Eureka moment and it all just came spilling out! I can't wait for you guys to see what's coming up! **

**I hope you like this chapter. Again, reviews are most welcome, I read them all and try to reply :) Please stick with me, I know it's taken a while to get going but here's where it all kicks off! Enjoy my loves!**

**(Oh, and THAT McReedus kissy hand pic? If anyone has a spare set of ovaries, they're needed over here.)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners, no copyright infringement intended, blah blah you know the drill ;) **

Chapter 7

"It is so good to see you! You've barely changed at all!" The pretty blonde gushed as she released Carol from a bear hug.

"Oh I think I have a few more wrinkles than the last time you saw me," she chuckled.

Andrea tutted in objection and sighed happily. When Carol had looked up from her drink and saw her sweep through the door in a flurry of curls and perfume just like she always had, she could have burst. The last time she'd seen Andrea, she was leaving for a bright new life in New York. The attorney's office in Georgia where she'd began her career was closing and she'd been headhunted by a big firm in Manhattan. She'd been Carol's neighbour two doors down for a few years, often taking Sophia for a few hours and even overnight sometimes to give Carol a much needed rest. They'd been good friends, and Carol had really missed her when she left. Knowing she was practically next door gave Carol a crutch in times when she found it difficult to function through lack of sleep, and a friend when things got desperately lonely. Seeing her again brought back a sea of emotions and memories, but she couldn't have been happier to see her friend again.

"How long are you back in town for?" Carol asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately not that long, they want to make me partner in Manhattan so looks like I might be staying there for the long haul."

"Oh that's wonderful news," Carol put on a front, hiding the disappointment in her voice.

"But hey, you should come visit me." Andrea's face lit up at the idea. "I'll pay your flights out, and you can stay at my place. It would be great to catch up properly."

"I would love that," Carol's heart soared at the thought, before being snatched back to earth. "But I'll have to check with Ed."

"Ah, right."

Andrea's expression said she knew it all, and she did. She'd always suspected that Ed was heavy handed. He was abrupt and never missed an opportunity to bring Carol down in public, and she could read on Carol's face that there was something darker troubling her. Like Lori, Andrea had begged Carol to get out while she still could, but she always insisted that she was fine and nothing was going on. With no proof, there was very little Andrea could do, despite wanting to rip that bastard limb from limb in court. Seeing Carol all these years later left her feeling guilty and cold; she hadn't gotten out. She could see every invisible scar etched into Carol's features, in the way she held herself, in the way her head dipped and her eyes fell to the ground at the mention of Ed's name, as if the name itself could hurt her. As much as she felt compelled to, she decided not to launch into a full blown lecture. Carol's cheeks were starting to burn with shame and she knew from previous experience it would do no good to make her feel worse. She was only back for a short time, and upsetting Carol wasn't in her plans.

"Where's Sophia?" Andrea asked, changing the subject.

"Oh she's around here somewhere, I can't keep up with that girl honestly." Carol sighed in defeat.

"She was the exact same when she was little. I used to lock everything in the cupboards 'cause she would just climb on anything she could find to get at things."

"That sounds like my girl alright," Carol chuckled. "I swear God gave me a monkey by mistake. She's always scraping or bumping something."

Right on cue, Carl came running towards her. She expected Sophia to follow, but when she didn't she felt her heart pick up a little.

"Where's Sophia?" She asked, praying her voice didn't betray her.

"We were racing bikes down the street and she fell off," Carl panted. "She's cut up her knee."

A grazed knee shouldn't have been a big deal, but it made her stomach churn. She would have to keep a lid on the alarm bells in front of Andrea. The last thing she needed was her asking awkward questions about a big fuss over a scraped knee.

"Oh dear." Carol's pulse quickened and she hoped the front she was putting on wouldn't be rumbled. "Tell her I'll be there in a sec."

Carol sighed shakily as Carl ran off back to Sophia and she looked at Andrea apologetically. "I better go and make sure she's alright, I shouldn't be too long. "

"Don't worry we have the rest of the night to catch up," she smiled. "It's really great to see you again, Carol."

"You too."

Carol strode through the kitchen and down the hall towards the open front door. Carl was waiting for her. She'd hoped to find Sophia back on her bike, tearing down the street again, oblivious to any injury. She couldn't see her though, and she felt her chest tighten as she scanned the block frantically.

"Where's Sophia?" Carol looked at him anxiously.

"She came off up there," Carl pointed up the street a bit to where Sophia's bike lay crashed.

Sophia was sitting on the ground, both hands over her left knee, and her tears had dried and left trails down her dirty cheeks. Her face was crumpled in pain, but when she looked up and saw Carol approaching her features dropped.

"Sophia are you alright?!" she exclaimed, rushing towards her and kneeling to examine the damage. "Lemme see."

Her stomach lurched when she saw the damage. She had been expecting just a scuff, but was instead greeted by the sight of Sophia's best pants in shreds. The knee was torn, its material completely soaked in deep red. Sophia's knee looked a lot worse than it was, but her pants were ruined. Lord knew how she would explain this one away to Ed. He was always reminding her that he paid for the clothes on their backs, and she shuddered at the thought of what he would say when he saw this. Ed was always drilling on about how clumsy Sophia was. Recently he'd been extremely vocal on the subject, on how it made him look having a kid that couldn't walk twenty yards without falling over herself. With his temper almost as bad as she'd ever seen it, Carol felt sick with worry. She'd promised Sophia he would never lift a hand to her but all the while she was growing more and more scared that she was wrong. She snapped back to reality. Sophia had to come first, she would worry about Ed later. They were closer to Carol's house than Lori's, and she had everything there that she needed to patch up Sophia's knee.

"Good Lord Sophia, how fast were you going?" she scolded, trying to disguise the tension in her voice. "Can you stand up?"

"Yeah I think so," she grimaced as Carl took one arm and Carol took the other, helping her to her feet.

"Come on, let's go and get you cleaned up."

They helped Sophia hobble back to Carol's house and up the few steps to the front door.

Carol could hear the phone ringing before she had the key in the door, but by the time she had the door open it had rung out. She huffed and set her keys down by the phone as she helped Sophia into the kitchen and sat her down at the table.

"What am I gonna do with you missy?" Carol asked as she rummaged in the cupboard under the sink for her first aid kit. "How did you manage to fall?"

"It was _his_ fault mama, he bumped into me. Just cause I was beating you!" She turned and stuck her tongue out at him.

"You were not!" he objected shrilly.

"Was too!"

"Hey!" Carol intervened. "Come on now, that's enough. Carl you can go on back now, we'll have to get changed. Tell your mom we'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay," he nodded, turning on his heel and striding back outside.

Carol peeled the blood soaked pants off and examined Sophia's tattered knee. She set to work, cleaning up the graze and Sophia winced as the antiseptic took effect and stung like mad. The bleeding seemed to have clotted, but Carol bandaged it up to be on the safe side. The silence between mother and daughter was heavy and dark.

"Sophia what were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry Mama," Sophia mumbled, her voice full of remorse.

"I've told you repeatedly you have to be careful!" she exclaimed, her voice almost a nervous screech. "What am I supposed to tell your father when he sees this?"

She could see the tears welling in Sophia's eyes and felt guilt wash over her. She knew Sophia hadn't done it on purpose, but all she could think about was how in the hell she was gonna explain this to Ed when he came home.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but you gave me a fright. You have to be more careful, you know your daddy doesn't like you going around with scraped knees." Carol stroked Sophia's sticky face.

"Is he gonna be mad at me?" Sophia looked at her torn pants wistfully.

"No sweetie," Carol bundled them up. "We'll just need to be extra careful and make sure he doesn't see. Now go on upstairs and get changed."

Sophia nodded obediently and walked carefully and quietly upstairs. Carol watched her go and heaved out a sigh as she turned her attention to the ruined pants. They were her best ones, and hadn't exactly been cheap. He would go apeshit if he found out. She examined the damage to find that they were indeed screwed. No amount of sewing or soaking would fix this mess. She went into the kitchen drawer and found a black bag, stuffing the pants into it and wrapping them into a tight bundle. She would have to hide them. Ed wasn't due home until tomorrow, but she wasn't taking any chances by leaving them lying around until she came home from the party. She racked her brains trying to think of somewhere he wouldn't look. The cupboard under the sink, where she kept mostly cleaning products, seemed like the perfect place. He never went in there, mainly because he never got off his ass to clean anything. She stuffed the bag in at the back, behind the bleach and floor cleaner, and made sure it couldn't be seen.

"I'm ready Mama," Sophia reappeared at the foot of the stairs, looking no worse for wear.

"Okay sweetie I'm coming."

Carol was heading back down the hall when the phone rang again and she suddenly felt her guts sink like a lead balloon. It was him. She just knew it would be him.

"You go on back to Lori's, I'll be along in a few minutes." Carol smiled, trying to mask the fear that she knew must have been written on her face.

Sophia smiled and set off back down the street. Carol turned her attention to the insistent ringing of the phone. As the ringing continued adamantly, she just knew in her gut it was him. Every ring sounded shriller and more angry than the last, and she could see him sitting at the other end of the line, the vein in his temple pulsing as his temper grew. He didn't like to be kept waiting. She stared at the phone and willed it to stop ringing. To answer it now frightened her. He would be pissed off, and somehow he would _know_. Eventually she pulled herself to her feet and leapt for the receiver before it rung out, terrified that she would miss it and pay later. He wouldn't try all night; she knew if she missed this one she would have an even bigger cloud hanging over her head until he got home.

"Hello?" she said quietly.

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

Dale had picked him up at around seven and they'd headed over to Rick and Lori's house for the party. Daryl had been in two minds all day about going, his guts churning at the thought of standing around like some jackass who didn't fit in anywhere, but Dale was having none of it and waited until he was ready. Now they were in Dale's truck and had stopped outside a house in the middle of a picturesque little street. The gardens were well kept; colourful flowers and pristine lawns trailed the entire length of the street, and Daryl felt completely out of place. He'd worn his best clothes, which for him amounted to the jeans with least holes in them and a shirt with sleeves, but he still felt like he was infringing the dress code.

"I dunno 'bout this, man," he huffed, resting his elbow on the door and scratching his head. "Standin' round makin' smalltalk ain't me. I don't know anybody."

"What about making new memories, huh? You won't make them sitting around by yourself." Dale opened the driver's door. "Come on, it'll be fine, stop worrying."

"I ain't worryin', just don't see why he wants me here, guy don't even know me."

"Ugh look we've been through this, just come inside and try to loosen up. It won't kill you to have a little fun for once, will it?" Dale eyed him insistently.

"Alright, I'll go," Daryl sighed in defeat, pushing his door open and jumping out.

The humidity was already making his shirt cling to the small of his back, and Daryl just knew this was gonna be the most damn uncomfortable evening ever. The heat wave hadn't let up and forecasters were predicting it to get even hotter over the coming week. He was regretting letting Dale drag him to this party; he could be at home laying around in his underwear doing nothing instead of having to make shitty small talk and sweating bullets. He huffed anxiously as Dale pressed the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. Every footstep behind the door made him want to go home before finally the door opened and Rick appeared, his face welcoming and familiar.

"Dale, Daryl. Glad you could make it. Please, c'mon in." Rick waved them through into the hallway.

Daryl nodded in acknowledgment and followed Dale's lead as they passed through the hallway. He felt really out of place now. Daryl took in the pristine, homely décor and the photos dotted all over the walls. This guy definitely hadn't had a hard day in his life. Photos of him and his kid, his wife who was very easy on the eyes, photos of their damn dog. He was silently envious and wanted to hate him, but he couldn't.

He followed Dale and Rick out through the kitchen and into the back yard where the barbeque was in full swing and the smell of charred meat and smoke filled his nose.

"I won't be a sec, make yourselves at home," Rick smiled before disappearing in pursuit of his wife.

Daryl was relieved to find it wasn't a huge gathering of people; in his mind he'd stepped out into a yard bustling with people who all stopped and studied him suspiciously. This was doable. Everyone was just chatting amongst themselves and seemed relaxed enough, nobody looked up and nudged elbows furtively. For the first time that day he breathed a sigh of relief and started to relax a little. He recognised Lori from the photographs, mingling and making sure people had a drink and something to eat. He scanned the modest gathering and made quick analyses of each person. Most of them passed as generally okay, except for one guy with a shaved head who'd eyeballed him the second he'd noticed he was there. Daryl took an instant dislike to him. He didn't like the feeling he was getting from him, lurking at the back table, his hooded eyes stalking Lori around the garden, never breaking the line of sight as he swigged his beer. There was anger behind those eyes, Daryl was an expert in that field, and he detected resentment and bitterness there too. It didn't take him long to work out the cause and that Rick clearly didn't have a clue about it.

"He's a piece of work that one." Dale appeared beside him, reading his thoughts.

"What's the story with him and her?" Daryl looked at him and nodded towards Lori covertly.

"It's rumoured, and they are only rumours, that there was uh…" Dale hushed his voice. "A thing, y'know?"

"No shit. When?"

"Oh years ago but Shane's never been one to forget things easily. They're rumours for conversation sake but you just watch him. It's written all over his face." Dale's voice was laced with disgust as he watched Shane.

"Rick don't know nothin' about it?"

"If he does he's a bigger man than me, and one hell of an actor." Dale forced the last few words out quickly as Rick walked over with Lori in tow to greet her guests.

"Hey Dale, nice of you to come by," she grinned, kissing him on the cheek before turning to Daryl and looking to Rick for an introduction.

"Honey this is the man I was telling you about, he really saved my ass the other day. This is Daryl, Daryl this is my wife Lori."

"Nice to meet you Daryl…?" Lori smiled at him expectantly as she held out her hand.

Daryl realised he was idling and grasped her hand. "Oh, Dixon."

Lori's face dropped like she'd been slapped and he saw a flash of something in her eyes, almost like recognition, but he'd never seen her before in his life. It unnerved him the way she suddenly went from politely inquisitive to completely cold and shifty. Something uncomfortable lurked behind her eyes and it was gonna eat away at him if he didn't find out. She pulled her hand away as if she'd just put it in a box of crickets and looked away from him nervously.

"Hey, you okay?" Rick looked at her curiously.

"Yeah, I've just got a bit of a headache, it's this heat. Think I'm gonna go inside for five minutes." Lori shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. "It was nice meeting you Mr Dixon."

"Daryl," he corrected.

"Daryl," she replied curtly, his name drawling out of her mouth like some vulgar swear word.

She looked back over her shoulder at Daryl as she disappeared inside. His eyes followed her uneasily. What the hell was her problem? The way she'd looked at him it was like he had three heads instead of one. He didn't like her much either so far; something definitely wasn't right there.

"Sorry I dunno what's the matter with her, she's not usually like that." Rick screwed his eyes up as he pondered his wife's abrupt departure.

"S'alright man, not the first time that's happened," Daryl smirked.

Rick chuckled apologetically and patted Daryl's back. "Come on, lemme get you a beer and you can meet everyone."

**_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox_**

"Where the hell have you been?" The voice hit her like a blow to the stomach. "Four fuckin' times I've called!"

"I-I was in the bathroom." She lied.

"When I call I expect you to answer, I don't like to be kept hangin' like some jackass!" The angry voice blasted her ears, completely disregarding her reply.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I don't care if the place is being fuckin' invaded by aliens, when I call you pick up…"

Carol's self worth plummeted as his voice continued its slurred attack on her delicate ears. He was quite obviously drunk - she could hear a jukebox blaring in the background and raucous laughter perforated by pool balls being struck. Her mind registered intermittent fucks and damns, the rest all blurring into white noise as she drifted somewhere else. She had been such a fool to believe she could escape his grasp for one joyful night alone with her daughter. The warden may have left the prison, but he was still there, ever omnipresent and quick to remind them of their place. Was this really what their lives had become? They deserved so much more than this. She could pack hers and Sophia's bags and be gone by the time he got back. They could go anywhere they wanted. They could be free from this prison. It was all just a dream though. She had no power, allowing him to demolish her, apologies and appeasements slipping freely from her lips as he went on at her, chipping little pieces of her soul away. She played absently with the phone cord, stretching it out and letting it ping back as she fought the bitter sting in her eyes. By the time he'd broken her and hung up she was on the floor, huddled against the stairs. The line crackled with electricity, her ears buzzing from his venom, like someone had clanged a church bell with her head inside it. She tried to fight the quiver in her bottom lip. Lori and Andrea would be wondering where she'd gotten to. She had to put on her party face now.

The phone call and the drama with Sophia really knocked the wind out of her sails, and she had to sit for ten minutes and calm down before she even thought about going back to the party. How was she supposed to go back and face Lori and the others after this without them picking up on it? She felt rage burning through the usual knot of fear in the pit of her stomach and she tried to swallow it back like a child being forced to take bitter medicine. The relief she'd felt since he'd left for the weekend had fizzled out the second she heard his voice, and she hated him for being able to take even that away from her. Despite the distance, he had still managed to make her feel like a mongrel. He just knew how to get under her skin and make her feel like she was less than nothing. She didn't know how much longer she could live like this. Soon she was going to have to make a decision. She wiped her angry tears and washed her face, but the feeling in her gut was going to be tougher to get rid of.

She closed the door and locked it, wishing she could leave the sound of his voice behind the door. Instead it rang in her ears, echoing and making her feel nauseous. Hopefully the walk back to the party would blow the droning out of her head and help her relax. It was a beautiful evening after all. She walked back down to Lori's and noticed there was another truck parked outside. It hadn't been there when she'd left to look for Sophia. As she drew closer she thought that it looked vaguely familiar. She thought she'd maybe seen it around town.

Carol made her way back through the Grimes' kitchen into the back garden. Now that she was free for the rest of the night, she breathed a deep sigh and tried to let the weight melt away. As she stepped out into the warm early evening air, her mind wandered and she didn't really pay attention to where she was going. She collided face first with a warm body and jolted back to the present.

"What the hell?"

Carol froze like someone had her held at gunpoint. A voice long forgotten in some other place in time forced the air from her lungs. A rough southern drawl, deeper than it had been, invaded her ears. _It's your imagination, it's not him_.He'd been turning around for a hundred years in front of her, everything slowing down. Time stopped, her heart stopped, felt like it was collapsing in on itself like a dying star. Steely blue eyes narrowed in disbelief as they scanned her face, recognition igniting instantly. His perfect mouth, his rough chin, his ragged mop of dark hair. All the same as they ever were.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hope you like this chapter. I've tried to imagine what it would feel like seeing someone again after so long after parting on such terms (you will find out soon enough ;) its coming!) So hopefully you guys like it. Again thanks to my wee dream team_ kaoscraze_ and _allidon _for all their help and listening to my moaning.**

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters belong to their rightful owners, and not me. *mourns* **

Chapter 8

"Carol?" His voice fled almost like a whisper, like he was convinced his eyes were deceiving him.

She stood there breathless, willing herself to believe what she was seeing and take in the man standing in front of her. Her heart hammered into life and all at once like an avalanche, she was being crushed beneath the weight of all the heartache she'd kept locked away, forgotten until now. Every memory good and bad that she'd buried was breaking free from the shadows. Like a movie reel she saw everything flash in her vision, every moment they had ever shared together, and parts of her that had all but blown out long ago began to stir painfully. She couldn't breathe; every fibre of her wanted to run, but her feet were bolted into the ground. She'd blocked him out for what felt like her whole life; convinced herself that it had all been an illusion from another life, yet here he was standing in front of her, striking her heart like a bolt of lightening just like he always had, his chest seized by shock, falling suddenly as he allowed himself to breath again.

"Is it really you?"

Carol realised her mouth was gaping open, and somehow she managed to snap out of her trance. Words escaped her, her brain suddenly struck stupid by the shock. Words had plagued her when he'd left; there was so much she'd never got the chance to yell at him, but now she didn't know whether to throw her arms around him or bolt in the opposite direction. It was too much. She feared tears were imminent, but she was damned if she was gonna let him make her cry. Not again.

"Shit, it's been… forever. How are ya?" He breathed.

"I'm fine. You?"

Daryl looked nonplussed at her reaction to seeing him after all this time, like he'd been expecting something more. She could see the gears in his mind working, trying to figure out what to say next that could possibly gloss over a gulf of more than a decade.

"M'good." Daryl chewed his lip, like he'd always done when he was nervous. "Can't believe I'm standin' here talkin' to ya after all this time."

"Yeah, me too. You're looking… well." She softened a little, finding it impossible to be totally immune to him.

He offered a half smile in return and his face seemed to darken, acknowledging that there was unfinished business and that he probably didn't deserve the compliment.

"Y'ain't lookin' too shabby yourself."

Carol managed to force a weak smile and tried not to blush. "What brings you back to this neck of the woods? How long you in town for?"

"Dunno yet, I got some stuff to sort out. My old man bit the big one a few months back so I'm takin' care of some business."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking at her feet and knowing that it was a lie, but feeling compelled to say it out of obligation to be polite.

"Pfft, don't be." Daryl pushed thoughts of his father to the back of his mind, the memories tasting like ash in his mouth. "How's your folks? They here?"

Carol's face dropped. "They've been gone a long time. My parents passed away not long after you left."

"Shit, I'm sorry." Daryl bit his lip as his shoulders sagged and he eyed her sympathetically. "What happened?"

"Car crash. My dad was pulling out and a drunk driver smashed right into them." She looked up at him dismissively, like it was no big deal. "It was very quick."

"They were good people. Must have hit ya real hard."

"Yeah, it did." Carol held his gaze, her tone full of purpose.

Daryl's eyes flitted nervously, guessing that the frost that had set into her voice was partially directed at him. There was so much they had left unsaid, and it hung in the air like a storm cloud. Neither of them had even hinted at it, but she knew they both were tuned into the same wavelength. _You should have been there for me._

Before either one of them could break the silence, the tension was ripped apart like tissue paper by a small voice as Sophia came cantering into the garden, none the worse for wear after her ordeal.

"Mama, I've been looking all- oh…"

Daryl looked at Sophia in surprise and then at Carol. "Mama?"

Carol felt like a rabbit caught in headlights, but she knew there was no getting out of this without making things any more awkward. "Sophia honey, this is Daryl. Daryl, this is my daughter Sophia."

"Hi Daryl," Sophia smiled, shaking his hand before pausing as the pieces clicked in her head. "Oh… _Daryl._ Mama is this the kindest, sweetest boy ever you told me about?"

"Sophia!" Carol yelped, her cheeks burning fiercely.

"Well is it?"

"You said that?" Daryl asked, his own face now glowing. "About me?"

"I uh… ." Carol shot Sophia a playful glare. "Yeah, I guess I did."

Daryl dipped his head in a little smirk, both flattered and embarrassed, before meeting Sophia's inquisitive gaze again. "Good to meet ya Sophia."

Sophia smiled up at Daryl innocently and then rather curiously at her mother. "Mama why is your face all red?"

"I'm uh… just gonna get a drink," Daryl snorted a nervous laugh in Sophia's direction, his eyes dancing with amusement, lingering on Carol for a moment before he made his escape.

Carol watched him go, relieved that he'd taken his leave and not prolonged the embarrassment any further. Her heart was still hammering in her chest. He was really there, in front of her. She'd never expected to see him again, he was a blurred apparition in her mind like so many other things that had happened in her life. He'd walked out of her world what felt like a lifetime ago and she hadn't heard a word from him since. _But he's here_. For a moment there was turmoil in her head, as other memories began to surface, the pain and hurt fading momentarily as slivers of sunlight tried to poke their way through. Sophia's candidness had brought back their conversation from earlier that evening and she found herself feeling nostalgic. He was back, and as wrong as it felt, she couldn't help but feel a seed of happiness begging to sprout deep down inside. Her thoughts crashed around her like waves as she felt an intent stare gripping her. She looked down and found Sophia staring up at her, grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"You're smiling Mama."

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

She eventually tracked Lori down, glimpsing her through the open door of the kitchen. She was about to walk in when she realised there was someone else in there with her. It sounded like they were in the midst of a heated discussion, and Carol held back, not wanting to eavesdrop but unable to move.

"Can't just brush me off whenever it suits you Lori... You know how I feel about you."

"Keep your voice down," Lori hissed. "You want the whole world to know?"  
"Hell," Shane's voice broke, "maybe it'd be a lot easier if they did."  
"I'm married Shane, when is that gonna get through that thick skull of yours? What happened between us is ancient history. You have to let this go, it was a mistake, end of story."  
Shane snorted in objection and looked at the floor. "Maybe for you it was..."  
"Stop it," Lori seethed, her temper fraying rapidly. "Rick's practically your brother, what do you think this would do to him?"  
"Would kill him," Shane muttered. "Instead it's killin' me."

Shane reached for Lori's face and she jerked her head away from him sharply. His face crumpled with hurt and anger. It was the first time Carol had seen him look actually pained. He let out a frustrated, shaky sigh, dropping back from her and reeling in her rejection. He stormed out back, defeated and rejected. Lori sagged against the kitchen counter, visibly drained from the encounter as she stared at the tiled floor in apparent disbelief at what had just happened. She poured a glass of wine and took a big gulp as Carol finally deemed it safe to enter.

"Hey, I've been looking for you," she said. "Wondered where you'd run off to."  
"Running sounds like a good idea," she replied, taking another gulp from her glass.  
"I overheard, I'm sorry."  
"He just won't let it drop. I feel like such a bitch, but he just won't accept it. Him being here is bad enough but that just now has got me in a panic. He's had a couple of drinks, I'm just waiting on him saying something to Rick. I can't relax Carol, I feel like I'm gonna lose it." Lori screwed up her face in frustration and tapped her nails against the glass.  
"He won't say anything," Carol frowned. "Rick's like a brother to him, he wouldn't hurt him."  
"Hmm well we'll see how that goes."

Carol knew it was a guess at best; Shane was unpredictable and for some unknown reason in her head she felt an unease around him, like he was a time bomb with a lit fuse. She pushed thoughts of Shane out of her mind and remembered why she'd come looking for Lori.

"Why didn't you tell me Daryl was gonna be here?" Carol eyed Lori insistently.  
Lori's face dropped. "I'm so sorry, I honestly had no idea. Rick just told me he fixed his car and he was new in town, so he invited him along. I didn't realise it was him 'til he told me his full name. I'm sorry, is it too weird?"  
"It was a bit of a shock. I haven't seen him since we were teenagers. I honestly never thought I would see him again so the last place I expected to bump into him was right on my doorstep."

"God I'm sorry. If I'd known-"

"It's alright, it's not your fault," Carol waved dismissively, pouring herself a glass. "Do you know how long he's in town for?"

"I dunno, I took off outta there pretty quick," Lori sipped her glass and winced.

Carol looked concerned. "You alright?"  
"Yeah I'm fine, just feeling a little churned up today. All this week actually. Think it's just this stuff with Shane." She rubbed her chest and screwed her face up.  
"Hmm I dunno, maybe you should get a check up just to be safe."  
"Oh I'll be fine. Now, let's talk about you and Daryl." Lori changed the subject quickly.  
"There is no me and Daryl, that was all a very long time ago. Besides, I'm married now." Carol's voice fell at the last moment.  
"Married. Yeah, that word covers a lot of sins."  
"Drop it, please Lori? I don't want Sophia to hear."  
"Carol you can't run from this the rest of your life. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to stand up for yourself, and for Sophia. You're my best friend. Please, I really don't wanna see you get hurt."

The softness of Lori's voice and the concern etched in her features made Carol want nothing more than to fling herself into her friends arms and let everything spill out, all the hurt and misery. The tongue lashing from Ed still echoing in her head made it even harder to resist, but somehow she steeled herself against the welling behind her eyes and managed to mumble a response.

"I'm fine Lori. We're fine. I can handle my own problems, in my own way."  
"I hope you're right Carol, I do." Lori put her glass down and moved closer to Carol, bringing her hands up to her shoulders. "But you gotta promise me, that if you decide you can't handle it any more, you don't hesitate, you come get me or Rick, and we'll get you help. Okay?"  
"I'll be okay, really."  
"Promise me Carol." Lori locked on to her eyes, determined to extract the answer she needed to hear.

Carol let out a deep breath, as if saying the words was as good as admitting her shame. "I promise."

Lori drew her into a tight embrace and Carol clung on. Sometimes she badly needed a hug from a friend, and with moments where she could find such comfort few and far between, she savoured the contact knowing that it might be a long time before the next one.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

Daryl was in a state of shock. He barely tasted the beer as he took long pulls from his bottle, eyes out of focus on the grass, trying to work out how the hell she of all people would end up at the first goddamn place he got invited to. His heart had almost shuddered to a halt when he'd turned around and saw her standing there in front of him, her wild curls kissing her porcelain skin in the summer breeze. Instantly it had resumed a beat long forgotten, the beat that resounded hers. When he'd left all those years ago he'd been so consumed with guilt he'd just shut her out. Everything they'd shared he locked away, feeling like he didn't deserve to remember or cherish memories he'd crunched under his boot like ash. He could feel fresh helpings of guilt piling on top of him, worsened by the unwelcome news that her parents had died not long after his departure. He didn't know loss, true loss like she had. When his old man had died he just felt empty. He couldn't begin to imagine what Carol had been through, and she had to go through it alone, without him. Daryl was angry at himself. Angry at his old man, Merle. It bubbled beneath the surface, travelling up through his arm, causing him to grip the bottle so hard the tendons in his arm strained.

As he sat and replayed events in his mind, feeling steadily worse, Carol was coming towards the table he was sitting at. Lori cast him a brief glance before going off to find Rick. He hung his head, scrutinising his beer bottle with a little too much concentration, hoping it would somehow deflect the imminent awkwardness.

"Not much of a party person huh?" she joked dryly, cracking open a beer for herself. "Me neither."

"Pfft… since when?" he snorted, taking another gulp and avoiding her eyes.

"Oh Daryl," she sighed. "You've no idea."

His mouth had dried up in spite of the beer. He could feel the awkward tension beading down his forehead and the small of his back. A trip down memory lane, especially this lane, was not something he'd bargained on when he let Dale drag him out of the house. He knew how much he'd hurt her, how much he'd hurt himself. She was just as articulate as she'd always been; hell, if anything she'd gotten sharper with age. She'd barely said two words to him and he already had an idea of what was coming.

"Carol, I'm… m'sorry." He decided to get in before she could. "Bout your folks. I had no idea."

"No, you wouldn't have," she replied indifferently. "But, I survived. I always do."

"I shoulda been there."

"There's nothing you could've done." Carol said coldly. "Besides, I wasn't alone. There were people here for me… friends."

"Yeah but _I _shoulda been here." Daryl chanced a quick glance up at her.

"It's done. It's all in the past ," she frowned, her eyes avoiding him..

Her abruptness and acceptance unnerved him, it wasn't how he remembered her at all. The fire was gone from her eyes, replaced by a veil of frost that shut the world out. This was a different person sitting next to him. She had changed, like there was a part of her missing. He felt the need to dig, just to keep the lines of communication open with her or risk losing her all over again.

"So, you're happily married huh?" He blurted the words out before he could think about them.

Carol shot him a dark glare, as if he knew too much already. "Yes, I'm married."

Daryl swallowed, trying to ignore the unworthy swell of jealousy creeping up his throat. _Grow up man. _"M'glad ya found someone, really. Ya deserve to be happy. He's a lucky guy."

Carol glanced briefly at him, as if there was something she wanted to say. There was something lurking in her eyes that made him suspect she was hiding something from him. They'd told each other everything once upon a time, and the temptation was there to ask her what was on her mind, but he pushed the notion away. It wasn't the same as before; she was practically a stranger and her life was none of his business anymore. He'd seen to that, and he felt his heart break a little.

"How about you?" Carol changed the subject, her eyes falling to the grass. "You married?"

"Nah."

"Girlfriend?"

"Nope. Never did find the right girl." He looked up at her from behind his hair.

Carol met his eyes. "Maybe you did. You just let her go."

Their eyes locked for a moment, both of them coming full circle back to the present. Her eyes still had the power to render him helpless; he found himself holding his breath without even thinking. He could see they swam with bitterness and questions left unanswered, but there was something else there. Something warm and familiar, something that had never quite left. They were still the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen, and he knew that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Time hadn't stood still in Senoia, but she was here, and he wasn't walking away. Not this time.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well we're marching on with this big ol' yarn now aren't we? Well, you lot are, I've been writing since February and I'm still not done! Anyway, can I just thank you lovely bunch for reviewing, following, favouriting and just being awesome... last week the response I had was fabbity fab so cheers muchly! Also thank you if you bother to read my notes! I know it's a load of waffle, but I had a guest review last week asking could I please put AU warnings in... My notes from chapter 1 say this is an AU, so if you missed it LOOK HARDER! These notes are for your benefit so if you miss anything then I can't help ya ;)**

**So now these two have come crashing together again, it's time to start unravelling what happened! I keep trying to put myself in their shoes, what it would be like so hopefully it comes across as intended. This chapter is one of my favourites... you'll see why ;)**

**Enjoy my loves!**

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters sadly are not the fruits of my labour... although if season 5 falls short of my high standards I may just apply for custody. **

Chapter 9

Carol hadn't realised she was staring, but she had been unable to resist the pull, zoning out as Andrea and Lori chatted, their airy voices getting further away as she sunk into herself. She was numb with shock, still reeling from Ed's verbal wrecking ball, and now this. Sitting down was more of a necessity right now than just being social. The heat was really amping up her nausea and she felt if she didn't sit she would end up on the ground. This was overwhelming. It felt so unreal to her, sharing the same space as him after all this time. She'd been the other half of him once, they'd known everything about each other - or at least she thought they had - and then all she'd had were memories that got fainter and faded like photographs through the years. Now he was only a few feet away from her, almost a complete stranger. She could see glimpses of a boy she once knew, gestures and tics resurfacing as he listened to Rick and Dale, mannerisms that would never leave him, imprinted on her brain. He was the same socially awkward Daryl, his hands tucked under his arms, hiding behind his hair and contributing only nods and grunts into conversations. For the first time in a long time she found herself remembering and fighting the urge to allow herself to feel something, anything.

"Uh hello? Earth to Carol!" Lori's voice came ringing through the haze.

"Hmm?" Carol's head jerked round. "Sorry what?"

"You back with us?" Lori giggled. "You were miles away."

"Sorry, I guess I was…"

"Everything okay? You've been quiet since you came back," Andrea observed.

Carol forced a smile, hoping it would be enough to convince them to drop it. "Oh no, I'm fine honestly."

"You've been on the moon for the past half hour," Lori stated the obvious, true to form. "Would it have anything to do with seeing a certain someone again?"

Carol felt a stab of anxiety at the question. Ed's voice was still raw in her ears and to even be here let alone discussing the man that used to be her heart and soul made her uneasy, like he would somehow hear it on the wind. "Lori, please."

"What? Have I missed something?" Andrea looked at them both in turn.

"It's nothing, really." Carol eyed Lori purposefully.

"You see the guy with Rick and Dale?" Lori nodded in their direction.

"You mean the awkward looking guy with his back to us?"

"Yeah," Lori replied, hushing her voice slightly. "He was Carol's high school sweetheart."

"Lori!" Carol scolded, the conversation already making her desperately uncomfortable.

Lori brushed off her reprimand, and Carol knew from the look on her face she had the bit between her teeth and wasn't going to let it go. She felt her heart pick up, dreading where the conversation was going.

"Wow," Andrea exclaimed, eyes wandering over Daryl's frame as he turned slightly. "He's hot. Carol don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell happened?"

"Sorry?" Carol eyed her in confusion.

"Look at him! He's hot as hell, you can't tell me You Know Who charmed you off this one's arm?"

"He's an asshole is what he is," Lori butted in bluntly.

"Oh?" Andrea paused and looked at the two friends in turn, sensing a distinct change in atmosphere. "Why's that?"

"He's just over there, he'll hear you!" Carol hushed her.

"He's got a nerve being here at all," Lori growled, eyeing him with disgust.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Andrea huffed in exasperation.

The silence was deafening and Carol decided for the sake of her own sanity and the prospect of being left alone, to divulge only what she needed to get them off her back. She could fill Andrea in on the basics and pray that Lori would be satisfied with her delivery enough to let it lie.

"We were friends, that's all. Then he moved away and I haven't seen him since."

Andrea looked puzzled. "Right, I don't see how that makes him an asshole though."

"Oh please, he broke your heart," Lori stared at her, annoyed that she was letting him off so lightly. "You were more than just friends and he ran out on you!"

"He didn't have a choice," Carol said quietly.

"He had every choice, and he chose to run away." Lori frowned.

"You're kidding? God what an asshole," Andrea scowled, turning her attention to Carol. "How come you never told me any of this?"

"I never told you because it's all in the past. I've moved on and forgot about it, just like you two should," she bit back irritably, trying to steady her voice against the lump rising in her throat. "We're not silly kids anymore."

"I just wanna know what he's doing here." Lori glared in his direction.

"His father just passed, he's in town sorting his affairs," Carol said quietly, feeling like she was trying to swim against a strong current.

"Yeah likely story," Lori snorted, taking another swig from her glass. "I just hope he doesn't think he can come back and pick up where he left off."

Carol kept her eyes fixed on the mottled wood of the table, trying to ignore the stinging in them. She'd done so well to keep it together up until now, but this was beginning to feel like an interrogation and she got the impression she was under attack. It was like a character assassination of herself, and she somehow felt like she was to blame for things that had happened outwith her control. The onslaught was relentless; she knew all the things Daryl had done but Lori kept dragging it up and whether she realised it or not, each word was hurting her. Her vision was starting to blur.

"Oh honey no, don't cry." Andrea slid an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm fine," Carol mumbled, wiping tears that hadn't fully fallen yet and pushing her away gently. "I just don't want to talk about this right now, okay?"

This was exactly what she'd wanted to avoid. She had enough on her mind without having to answer uncomfortable questions and feel like she had to defend a man she barely knew anymore. Despite what he'd done she still felt her hackles go up at the shots they were firing in his direction. Being married to Ed she'd developed habits, and even when he made her feel like shit, she would defend him, even to herself. It became like second nature to her, but here she was again doing it for Daryl. She wished they would just shut up and forget the entire thing. The last thing she wanted was a big scene, which by some impossible means she was convinced would get back to Ed. The less said about her past life with Daryl, the better as far as she was concerned. She wiped her face and took a deep breath to regain her composure.

"Look we can talk about it some other time," Andrea said, looking to Lori for reassurance.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Lori sighed. "I just wanna look out for you. I don't want him stirring anything up."

"I don't think he would come back after all this time just to cause trouble," Andrea replied, trying to diffuse the situation.

Carol lifted her gaze from her hands on the table to find his blue eyes trained on her, looking at her like they were the only two people in the world. When he realised she'd rumbled him his eyes darted away awkwardly. She felt her heart give an extra beat.

"All I'm saying is I hope he's not back here making some half assed attempt to get back into your life," Lori stated. "I'm not trying to upset you, I just think you should be careful not to let him under your skin. That's all."

"He wouldn't come looking for me. Not after…" Carol stopped herself.

"After?" Andrea probed.

"After all this time."

Carol second guessed her own logic, not knowing what to think. Maybe he had come back looking for her? Or maybe it was just her making assumptions; but Daryl hated crowds of people, he especially hated having to stand on ceremony and hold conversations, so why would he come to a perfect stranger's house and do just that? Just looking at him now reminded her of when she'd first met him, all huddled into himself and trying to avoid interacting with anyone. It got to her a little, knowing that despite the passing of years, he was still a vulnerable, lost boy. She wondered what things he had gone through, how much more he'd had to endure and what effect it'd had on him. Despite their history, she felt a pang of sympathy for him. She sensed Andrea's eyes on her and glanced at her briefly.

"You were more than just friends, weren't you?"

"We were just a couple of kids, that's all," Carol sighed, pushing to sound convincing. "It was nothing special."

Carol looked up, her eyes washing over him again. She knew she was only trying to convince herself because it hurt less if it was the truth. But with him standing just a few feet away, living and breathing in front of her, she was powerless to keep the past shut out. They had been _something_… once.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

She was drifting lazily when a dull rapping on her window startled her awake. For an incoherent moment she was convinced she had imagined it in the haziness of early sleep. The rapping resumed and she sat up. She was almost too afraid to go investigate before scolding herself for being silly. She shook it off and padded over to the window, cautiously drawing the curtain. _Daryl. _She shoved the window up quickly and found him huddled like a dog in the torrential downpour, rivers running down his face.

"Are you out of your mind?! What are you doing out there? Come in before you catch pneumonia," she scolded, taking his hand as he climbed in the window. Carol shut and locked it and drew her curtain.

He was sodden right to the skin, but she saw that was the least of her worries. He had an angry looking cut below his right eye and he was guarding his right side. Claret seeped down his cheek, bleeding into the rainwater.

"Oh god Daryl. Not again," she croaked, feeling tears boiling behind her eyes.  
"Thought the bastard was gonna do me for real this time," he said quietly.  
"Here, give me your jacket, you're soaking."

Daryl obliged and gingerly eased out of his waterlogged jacket. His teeth chattered and his body trembled helplessly as he tried to fight the cold gripping him.

"Take off your shirt," she said, reaching for his buttons.  
He quickly grabbed her hand, pulling it away. "No, it's fine just... Just leave it."  
"Daryl don't be stupid, you're freezing," she insisted, wrenching free of his grip.  
"Really," he pleaded, gripping her hand again. "It's no big deal."

Carol studied his wet, sore face and his eyes which refused to meet hers. He looked afraid, but something else there made her heart ache; he looked ashamed. "Daryl..."

He released a defeated breath and loosened his grip. Her fingers worked quickly all the way down to the last button, pausing to study his reaction before her next move. His eyes were locked on the floor, rendering her momentarily invisible, as if by pretending she wasn't there he could avoid this humiliation.

She slipped her hands under the soaking material, peeling it away from his cold, damp skin. He flinched slightly as her fingers grazed the tops of his shoulders. She paused for a second just to make sure he would allow her to proceed. Carefully she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and helped him out of it a sleeve at a time. The lamplight in her room did nothing to hide his battered ribs, and when she moved behind him to free his other arm she froze in horror at his back.

"Oh Jesus," she gasped, a sob escaping her.

His back was ruined. Several long, recently healed slashes were carved into his pale skin, most likely from a belt judging by the smaller wounds at the end of each angry line.

"When did this happen?" She demanded angrily, struggling to keep her composure.  
"Doesn't even hurt," he said, his voice barely audible above the rain.  
"When?!"  
Daryl swallowed hard and shivered as she gently examined the raw lines. "Couple weeks back."  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"What could ya have done?" Daryl sighed. "He aint like your folks, he's dangerous. I ain't havin' ya gettin' involved with him, if he hurt ya..."  
"He already has Daryl. Look at you. What can he do to me that's worse than seeing you like this?"  
"Don't cry Carol, seriously I'm okay. I'll survive."  
"For how long?!" she snapped. "You can't go back there."  
"Not like I ain't used to it."  
"You shouldn't have to be used to it Daryl," she said, fetching a towel from her closet.

Carol helped him get dried, taking care around the wounds sliced into his back. Every time she looked at them was like a knife twisting into her gut and she struggled not to break down. He hadn't wanted to take off his pants but they were also saturated and he just didn't have the energy to fight her. When he was dry and she'd hung his clothes on the radiator, she ordered him into bed and he obeyed. She turned out the light and slid in beside him, almost gasping at the contact of his icy body under the covers. His predicament seemed to worsen under the warmth; his body was shaking uncontrollably now and she knew she had to heat him up. She slipped her nightdress over her head and tossed it on the floor.

"Come here," she beckoned, sliding her arm under his neck.  
"Wh-what ya d-doin'?" he chattered, his eyes widened in panic.  
"Just come here," she insisted. "We have to get you warm." She drew his freezing body into her arms and grit her teeth through the shock of the initial contact.

Carol wrapped her arms around him and he snuggled in gladly. She fought the urge to jump out of bed away from the icy body next to her and wound her legs around his. She rubbed her legs against him, trying to generate some warmth.

Ten minutes passed without a word and Daryl's trembling seemed to ease up. He huddled into her warm chest, feeling safe at last. Her hand gently weaved through his damp hair as she held him close. The slow rubbing motion of her legs had warmed his cold limbs, yet despite the threat of pneumonia being gone he couldn't move. Not even if he wanted to. She had to have felt him stiffen against her soft body; he'd tried to fight it but their intimate proximity had overridden his self control. Now all he could do was lay still and hope she fell asleep without noticing.

She continued to stroke his hair and buried her nose in the damp mess, breathing him in. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest, and it must have been rattling his head as he lay there. She had tried to push the feelings she was having to the back of her mind, but laying in the dark with him listening to the rain battering off the window was stirring all sorts of feelings inside her. His body was warm now and between the two of them her bed had became dreamily hot. She could have lay like this forever, with his head resting on her chest and her legs tangled with his. She felt an overwhelming urge to protect him and destroy anyone who dared lay a finger on him, and in that moment it became clear in her mind what she had been feeling for months. She loved him.

She stirred ever so gently against him, so slightly that it could be mistaken for an accident if he chose to. When he didn't flinch she became bolder and deliberately grazed against him. She heard his breath catch and as opposed to reeling back like she expected, he didn't move. Her heart began to flutter nervously as his erection pressed helplessly at her thigh and his warm breaths prickled her chest in goosebumps. Daring to see how far she could push it, she kissed his head gently and ground closer to him, signalling that she was willing if he was. His arm which had been clenched around her in the desperation of his trembling came to life and his fingertips tickled her side. Her own free hand skimmed over his scrawny bicep, her fingertips barely kissing his skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She edged closer, her fingers climbing to caress his face.

Daryl took the hint and buried his face between her small breasts, breathing in her perfume between nervous breaths as her hips ground against him, making him ache. His mouth grazed her skin, filling her with torturous desperation as his breaths tickled her. He placed a hot, wet kiss on her skin, his tongue flicking out to taste her. Carol gasped softly at the contact that made her skin sizzle, as he shifted and left a soft trail of kisses up to her throat and chin before finally, his mouth claimed hers. She moaned sweetly as his tongue invaded her mouth, his lips crushing hers urgently. Her hands found his face, fingers winding into his damp locks as positioned himself over her. She could only barely see his eyes, dark and alive, and she knew he had to feel the same burning that she was feeling. His nose gently brushed hers as he leaned down to kiss her again, softer this time. His hands caressed her soft skin, his fingers gently peeling the thin straps over her shoulders as they became lost to the world.

The driving rain battered off the window panes as a long rumble of thunder awakened in the sky, deafening the world to sweet breaths and whispers in the darkness.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

He was sitting at the table with Sophia perched next to him, looking badgered to death but putting up with it all the same. She was utterly fascinated, staring at him eagerly and hanging on his every grunt. Carol's initial reaction was alarm; she figured he wouldn't be very forthcoming with information to Sophia, but there was always paranoia, burrowing and itching away at her. She was uncomfortable with Sophia getting too close to him. She was still in a surreal limbo where the line between reality and make believe was blurred, trying to process the day and accept his presence. Sophia had enough drama in her life without getting attached to someone who couldn't be a part of her life. A small part of her wanted him to know Sophia, to appreciate her and all the funny things she said and did the way she knew Ed never would. Like everything that threatened to give her reason to hope, she quickly locked it away in the darkness where it couldn't get her into any trouble.

He looked a little relieved when he saw Carol heading his way. She smiled a little inwardly, she knew Sophia could be very intense. She had no reservations about grilling perfect strangers on their life story, and Daryl looked completely dazed like he'd just been interrogated.

"There you are, I've been looking for you," Carol painted on a smile for Sophia, turning her attention to Daryl. "I'm sorry, I hope she wasn't bothering you."

"Nah, s'all good, we were just shootin' the breeze," he said, flicking the hair out of his eyes.

"Sophia honey why don't you go on inside and wait for me, I'll be there in a sec." Carol smiled and brushed strands of sandy blonde hair behind Sophia's ear.

"Okay mama," she hopped up obediently, turning to say goodbye. "It was nice meeting you Daryl."

"Hey you too kid," he grinned. "See ya 'round."

Sophia grinned at him and skipped across the lawn and into the house. Carol filled the space she had left beside him, setting her light sweater between them, her eyes following Sophia as she disappeared inside. He had made quite an impression by the looks of things.

"She's a great kid." He disturbed the quiet. "Damn near talked my ear off."

"Oh yeah, she's a chatterbox my Sophia," Carol laughed softly.

"Yeah, kinda reminds me of someone."

Carol met his eyes eventually; she could feel them on her and couldn't resist the compulsion to look around. His hair glowed as the last of the sun's rays shimmered through it, golden flyaway hairs dancing in the evening breeze. He was attractive when he was younger, but time had been sweet to him and made him ridiculously handsome. His eyes had always turned her insides to mush, and it took all her self control not to wilt in front of him. She had to steel herself against his charm, and it was proving difficult in the light of the setting sun that made him look like an angel.

"I'm surprised you remember," she said softly, looking at the ground.

"Remember? Pfft. How could I forget?"

"Hmm," she snorted, "pretty easily if I remember right."

"Carol, I-"

"Why are you here Daryl?" She cut him off, meeting him with an insistent glare.

Confusion and hurt flashed across his features. "I already told ya, my old man died." He screwed his face up in bewilderment. "What the hell is this?"

"I don't know Daryl, you tell me. Because I am having a hard time figuring this out. You didn't need to come back here for your father's benefit."

He looked away from her, his eyes clouding over as if the truth of the matter was too painful a subject to broach. Her pulse was starting to pick up in anticipation of his answer. She needed him to deny it, tell her that she had nothing to do with him coming back, to totally eliminate it from her mind. But a part of her that had been lying dormant forever cried out, wishing and hoping that it was for her, that she meant something still after so long. That she was wanted by _someone_. She had to be strong and fight it.

"You can't just come crashing back into town and expect things to be the way they were Daryl. You left."

"I ain't expectin' nothin'," he grunted, turning to face her with a stony expression. "I left 'cause I had no choice."

"You had a choice, and you chose to leave. I just hope this isn't some attempt to come back and try to build bridges. I've moved on with my life Daryl, the last thing I need is you messing with my head by digging up the past."

"I didn't choose nothin', I did what he told me." He glared at her. "I followed him and Merle around and did whatever they said we had to do, I took so much shit ya wouldn't believe. I looked after him when he got sick and Merle fucked off without a trace. I fuckin' buried him and stood at his funeral alone. I didn't come back to mess up nobody's life. I came back 'cause I got nowhere else to go."

Carol felt a stab of guilt in her throat. She had been too quick to jump on Lori and Andrea's bandwagon and now felt very foolish and ashamed of herself. His eyes were locked on the ground now, brooding and dark as he tried to shut it all out. She couldn't imagine the things he'd had to do or suffer. In the man's body next to her she could see the shadow of the boy she once knew, battered and broken. She felt awful, but her common sense deserted her as she tried to decide on the right response.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone… but I know how you feel." Carol spoke quietly.

"No you don't," he scoffed. "Your folks were decent people. You lost somethin'. When my old man died I didn't feel nothin'. What does that say 'bout me?"

"You shouldn't feel bad Daryl. He wasn't an easy man to live with, you did your best for him," she said, trying to lift the weight a little off his shoulders.

"Yeah, what would you know?" he bit back, his self loathing boiling over at her.

Carol studied his eyes, reading the hurt and anger and knowing intuitively none of this was aimed at her. He was just lashing out like he'd always done when he blamed himself or got upset. She wanted to tell him she knew exactly how he felt, because she felt it every day. The words formed on her tongue and she swallowed them at the last minute, knowing that her burden was hers to bear alone, and that dumping it on him was the worst thing she could do.

"I know enough." She held his glare sadly for a moment, finally pulling her eyes from his and standing up, giving him a quick final look before turning her back on him as she started to walk inside. "Goodnight Daryl."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Chapter 10 already! Wow that went quickly. Can I panic about falling behind yet? Yes I think now would be a good time, kay? Excuse me *screams into pillow* Right, now where was I? Oh yeah, how did you all like Chapter 9? Any FEELINGS happening there, eh, EH?! Okay I'll stahp. **

**If you're on Nine Lives you'll notice I've posted the story over there too, if not go check it out (more for the site than the story, the site is AWESOME!) Thank you once again for all follows, favs, reviews and anyone who's reading along. The response since joining Nine Lives has just blown my mind so thank you! And a mahoosive thank you to Peta2 for suggesting it! **

**Anyway, enough of my drivel. I'm babbling because I'm hyper. ALL. YOUR. FAULT. Have a chapter. (It's early because I won't have time tomorrow and it's cruel to make you wait til Saturday... or is it?) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'. TWD and its characters belong to Kirkman and that... **

Chapter 10

A bright orange haze filled her closed eyes as sunlight crept into her room. Peering through narrow slits she squinted at the offending light and buried her face in the pillow. It smelt of him. Suddenly she remembered last night - every breathy sigh and torturously sweet caress still burning her alive inside. It had been awkward at times and clumsy, but she sighed dreamily at the memory. It had been perfect, blissful. Afterwards he had drawn her into his arms and held her closely as they both fell asleep content. She could have died happily there and then because no feeling on earth could ever extinguish what they had shared. Carol wondered if he was awake yet. She smiled at the thought of seeing his hair all messed up and his sleepy eyes shyly smiling back at her.

She scooted round under the sheets to cuddle up to him. Her heart sank as his side of the bed greeted her rumpled and cold. As she ran her hand over the wrinkled sheet she realised he'd been gone a while. There wasn't a trace of his warmth left. An emptiness bloomed in her gut as it began to sink in. How could he have left without saying good bye, let alone good morning? Part of her wondered if she had imagined the whole thing but her state of undress and the raw ache inside told her she most certainly had not. His clothes were gone, the towel that she'd dried him with still lay where it had fallen and her window was ajar. Her curtain billowed in the morning breeze.

Carol reached for her robe from her wicker chair by the bed, a shiver running over her as she padded over to the window and closed it. As she looked out into the morning sunshine she decided that rather than lay in bed all day feeling sorry for herself, she would tackle the issue head on and go find Daryl. She ran the shower and picked out clothes for the day. Stepping into the steam she let out a heavy sigh and began to scrub away the tension, planning out what she was going to say to him. Her auburn curls snaked down her back in the warm river of water and lather as she ran through everything in her head. She wasn't going to let him brush her off. She wanted answers.

When she was dressed she ventured downstairs to find the house silent, no usual Saturday morning chatter from her parents filtering out of the kitchen. She hung round the doorway and found it empty. Carol supposed they had gone shopping and made her way towards the front door. She decided to skip breakfast; her stomach was in knots and she didn't really feel like eating.

It promised to be a gorgeous, warm day as she stepped out into the morning air and closed the door behind her. It did a little to ease the tension in her stomach, it was hard to be totally pissed off on a morning as beautiful as this, and of course she did still have that warm ache inside her as a reminder of the night before. Despite his disappearing act this morning, and the fact she was mad as a bag of hornets, she couldn't shut the experience out. It played on a loop in her mind; everything about it had been amazing. Everything she felt for Daryl had just been cemented, the stirrings in her heart bursting, blowing up more than she had ever thought possible. It had left her aching yet hungry for more, and as she functioned on autopilot fetching her bike from the side of the house, she was already thinking about the next time. After she had given him a piece of her mind of course.

Carol pedalled out on to the street and enjoyed the warm breeze that lifted her curls off her shoulders. It was only gone eleven but already the humidity was brewing and she could see there being another thunderstorm tonight. Last night's had been fierce, but she was glad of the cover. The fireworks exploding inside her were not something she had wanted her parents to overhear. They knew she and Daryl were together and they liked him well enough, although she suspected they thought it was nothing serious, a teenage crush that would fizzle out before too long. If her father had known what they'd been doing last night under his roof she doubted she'd ever be allowed out of the house again let alone to see him.

She had never been to Daryl's house - at his request - but she knew where she was going. She had passed it a few times on her way to school after deliberately taking a detour so she could try to sneak a glimpse of where he lived. Carol knew very little about his family other than his dad had problems with drinking. She knew Merle a little - she'd seen him around and tried to avoid him. He scared her and the few times she'd held his stare she was convinced she saw a glint in his eye that said he knew it. He was bigger than Daryl, and he made her uneasy. He had eyes that looked as if he was laughing behind them, but behind the laughter there was nothing cheerful or kind. Not like when she looked into Daryl's eyes and found warmth and shyness.

His requests for her not to come to his house were about to fall on deaf ears. As she pedalled into his street and his house came into view, she could see Merle's motorbike glinting in the sun and a scatter of tools and oily rags around it. The smell of engine oil filled her nose and suddenly she felt her stomach curl into a tight ball and wondered if this was such a good idea after all. Yes she was mad, but was she that mad she wanted to come and make a scene at his house in front of his brother and father, both of whom she knew were not exactly members of the neighbourhood welcoming committee? She pumped at the brakes on her handlebars and kicked a leg to the ground as she took a moment to think. If she did this there was no way she could take it back, or what would happen to Daryl as a result. She'd been so stupid not to think about this properly and all of a sudden felt foolish.

She decided to head back and forget the whole thing; she would see Daryl eventually, and as mad as she had been at him she knew he must have had a reason for leaving. It was all in her head. She'd came so close to doing something ridiculous and scolded herself as she turned her bike around to head home.

"Lookin' for somethin' lil mouse?"

Carol froze as the voice washed over her like stagnant water. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed the elder Dixon brother watching her from inside the dismantled old truck parked in the yard. She hadn't seen him as he got up and leaned on the open door, studying her, looking her up and down like a piece of meat. She'd almost got away with it, but her stomach filled with lead at the sound of his voice.

"I was looking for Daryl." Carol turned around gingerly, trying to hide the wobble in her voice.

"Won't find 'im here sweetness," he drawled, taking a swig from his beer bottle. "He's out with the old man."

"Do you know when he'll be back?" Carol felt like she was begging for information.

"Your guess is as good as mine, they been gone since sun up."

Carol felt like a deer in a clearing, with nowhere to hide from his leering eyes. She felt very foolish indeed now, and got the feeling he wasn't likely to part with any further details for his own amusement at watching her squirm. Words deserted her as she tried to think of things to ask him. This had been a total waste of time and she wanted nothing more than to just go home and forget about it.

"Cat got your tongue lil mouse?"

"I- can you tell him Carol was looking for him?"

"Whoa hold up there curly, do I look like an errand boy?"

Carol felt humiliation creep into her cheeks. "It doesn't matter, I-"

"Might help if I knew what ya wanted him for," he cut her off, pursing his lips in amusement.

"Never mind, I'll see him myself." Carol huffed, knowing he was enjoying every second of her discomfort and the power he thought he had over her.

"You don't like me much do ya?"

"I've never said that," she objected.

"Didn't say it but it's true ain't it?"

"I don't have a problem with you Merle. I barely know you."

"I've seen the looks you give me, like I'm shit on the sole of your shoe." His tone made her look at the ground, filling her with unease. "I think you're wastin' your time with the wrong Dixon honey. My baby brother, he's sweet and all, but he's just a boy. How about ya try a real man on for size."

The look in his eyes told her he was actually serious and her skin crawled at his proposition. She could see that behind those laughing eyes there were no morals or regard for his brother's feelings or hers. Immense willpower stopped her doubling over and vomiting at the thought and she swallowed the feeling with defiance.

"No, I think I've got the right Dixon brother. He's everything you're not, and that's why I'm with him."

"Aww you done broke my heart sweetness," Merle feigned sadness, clutching his chest.

"We coulda had somethin' good."

"I already have something better." She shot back.

Feeling satisfied at her boldness and her declaration of loyalty to Daryl, she started to wheel away from the house when his voice called after her.

"Well I hate to piss in your cornflakes mouse, but you ain't gettin him neither."

Carol stopped and whipped her head around in a flash of wild auburn. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well long distance ain't really Daryl's style," he said, clearly enjoying this little game.

"Long distance? You live five minutes away from me." She screwed her eyes up against the sun and the confusion.

Merle finished his bottle and threw it in the hedges, sauntering towards her. "Tonight maybe, and tomorrow… but after that who knows?"

"What are you saying?" Carol tried to hide the alarm in her voice.

"Oh jeez this is awkward. I thought Daryl would've told ya."

"Told me what?"

"Bout the move. We leave in the next few days." He scanned her face and fed off the flash of hurt he found there. "Aww, he didn't tell ya?"

The words hung in the air and she tried to process them but they stuck like square pegs in round holes. Daryl leaving? Why would Merle be so cruel? She got it; he liked humiliating her and thinking he had a hold over her, but this? This was a cruel lie to concoct even for Merle Dixon.

"Moving?" The word tasted bitter on her lips. "No, you're lying. Why would you be so horrible? You're jealous."

"Honey as excitin' as your life is, mine don't revolve around it and neither does my baby brother's."

"You're a liar. He tells me everything, he wouldn't keep something like that from me."

"You're just another piece of ass to him darlin', you think he loves you?" He snorted a laugh. "Ya don't mean a damn thing to him sweetie."

"I don't have to listen to this crap, I'm going," Carol sniped, her throat closing up.

"Yeah you keep on tellin' yourself that sweetheart. But ask yourself this - why did he skedaddle so quick this mornin'?"

The statement hit her like a sledgehammer to the gut. She spun around to meet his hard unfeeling eyes and in that moment she hated him. Hot tears choked her and rendered her completely mute. All she could think of to do was hammer her pedals as hard as she could and get away from him. The wind ripped tears from her eyes as she sped away from him. _Get home, just get home. _Everything blurred before her as she rode, fighting for control of her feelings. This wasn't happening. It was a bad dream, and any minute she would wake up in her own bed, safe in the knowledge everything was as it should be. Except this was real. The tears blinding her were real, her hands gripping the handlebars, white at the knuckles, were real. A swell of hurt and anger swirled inside her. Too many things were wrong to know what to deal with first, and she couldn't decide what upset her more; Daryl leaving, the fact he hadn't so much as mentioned it, or worse yet, telling Merle about their night together.

As she reached her front garden her bike crashed on the lawn along with her life and she ran into the house.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

The darkness spiralled in her vision as she lay staring at the ceiling, shapes coming to life that twisted and danced in the black. Carol had been trying to sleep for hours, and despite the telltale nip of tiredness in her eyes her mind wouldn't shut down. It had been a hard day. Sophia falling and scaring her half to death. The sickness in her stomach as she tried to work out how she would cover it up. Seeing old friends again and the fact they had to leave again. Coming face to face with her past, wounds ripping open that she thought had healed over long ago. She hadn't seen that coming, and it had wiped her out. She felt drained, but at the same time her brain wouldn't shut up and the more she tried to put Daryl Dixon out of her mind, the more vividly she saw his face in the dark. Thoughts whirled out of control in her head, none of them making the slightest bit of sense to her. She wasn't even sure if today had happened at all. It all felt like one big hallucination.

She flipped restlessly onto her side, sliding her hand into the coolness under the pillow and tucked her knees up to her chest. Her plan to savour the quiet and the freedom before Ed got home tomorrow was ticking away faster and faster as her brain buzzed. She couldn't shake Daryl from her thoughts. She could hear his voice, gravel toned and smooth at the same time, caressing her ears. His blue eyes were imprinted in her mind, radiating so much warmth she had to throw the covers off. She could feel her throat closing up, a hard lump swelling painfully. Then she was angry. He had no right coming back here after all this time, reawakening parts of her that had gone to sleep a long time ago. She'd done her best over the years to block it out, all of it, and now here he was digging it all up whether he meant to or not. Hot tears pricked her eyes like needles. This changed everything. Her life, however bad it seemed at the moment, she could deal with. It was predictable most of the time; she knew what to expect from it and that made it almost safe. This was a curveball she didn't need. Tears spilled over and soaked into her pillow.

When sleep finally came for her, she could still see his face and hear his voice. Dreams that she couldn't escape from would surround her until morning. Every one of them felt real and when she would stir from them they left her feeling hollow. The warm feelings that curled up inside her left a residue as they slipped out of her and reality sunk back in. She hadn't had dreams like this since she was seventeen years old. They continued into the early hours and by dawn she was fully awake again, listening to the birds begin their chorus outside. It was four am and her eyes still stung from not nearly enough sleep. She lay for a while, resuming her study of the ceiling and her brain began to whirr into life again, picking up where it had left off last night. She could feel herself getting upset again and decided to get up. If she lay in bed there was every chance she would cry because it just seemed like the only thing to do. Keeping busy meant keeping safe - Ed would be home around noon and she didn't want to take any chances of him seeing that she'd been crying .

The morning was a monotonous blur of tidying, and re-tidying just to give her something to do. As the minutes sped agonisingly away from her she could feel the bile churning in her stomach. It felt like every time she looked at the clock someone had moved the hands forward another hour. As quickly as the pressure had lifted when he'd left, it descended again and spread throughout the house like a toxic cloud. She felt like a net was closing in around her. He would be on his way now and before she knew it he would come barrelling through the door to shatter the peace. The thought made her want to throw up, and before noon arrived she did so several times. She was glad that Sophia had gone over to Lori's and didn't have to see her like this.

When she eventually heard the rumble of the car pulling in outside her breath left her lungs and she had to grip the kitchen counter to steady the wobble in her legs. She could hear the clatter of the driver's door as he closed it forcefully, heralding his return. It sounded like he was rummaging in the trunk for something and then she heard footsteps on the stairs outside and the click of the door as he trudged into the hallway. He was laden down with bags, his cheeks glowing pink with effort as he hauled them over the threshold. He spied Carol in the kitchen and shot her an incredulous look.

"Well don't just stand there," he barked.

Carol rushed to help him with the bags. "Sorry, how was your trip?"

"It was a damn washout, that's how it was." He made his way into the living room and sank into his chair. "Get me a beer would ya."

Carol went to the fridge, her eyes running over him as he clicked the tv set on and turned up the volume to the football that was on. This was him settling in for the day, and she had nowhere to go. The warden was well and truly back in the prison, normal programming resumed. He didn't look up as she handed him his beer. The tears welling in her eyes went unnoticed, and she was glad.

She endured, surviving the day and the night, and as he snored beside her in bed, she found her thoughts drifting again to piercing blue eyes glinting through wisps of dark hair.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

The next day Ed had off work, and after she'd dropped Sophia at school she went to the store. He was out of beer and she latched on to the excuse just to get away from him.

Despite the relief she felt to be out of the house, she could still feel him, hanging over her head like a dark cloud. He was always there, controlling, pulling her strings like a marionette, making sure she danced to his tune. He never ever came shopping, preferring instead to slump in his armchair, eyes fixed on the television, swigging from his can and snorting a laugh occasionally at whatever he was watching. He only moved his lips to mutter abuse or some put down or reprimand at her. It was the most exercise the asshole ever got. She was glad when she could leave the confines of the prison and finally breathe. He had only been home a day and already she needed to get out. She hadn't hung around waiting for him to speak, just hurried out of the door and let it swing shut behind her.

The humidity outside hit her like a wall as she stepped out and got into the car. It was going to be another unbearably hot day. As she backed out of the driveway and pulled out of the street she sighed and leaned an arm on the window. Her mood hadn't picked up any today. Since the party the heat had been getting steadily more intense, and it was making her increasingly irritable. The turmoil in her head was suffocating her. She still felt on edge about Sophia's knee and it had been touch and go trying to keep Ed from finding out. Since he'd got back she'd had it burning a hole in her mind and she didn't know how much longer she could hold out, terrified he was going to find out. Then there was Daryl. Thoughts that had been running on a loop through her mind, but now it was all just a rabble of confusion making her dizzy. She felt conflicted, arguing with herself, one side defending him and welcoming him back with open arms, the other pissed off that he was even here at all and terrified of what Ed would do if he got wind of it. As she drove the thoughts hurtled around her head with hurricane force, never yielding any answers, only getting louder until they blared in her ears like static.

She eventually pulled into the parking lot and escaped from the car which was like an oven now. Grocery shopping should have been like a holiday for her. Ed never went with her but he still held the reins, giving her specific instructions on what to buy and how much she was allowed to spend out of the cash he gave her. God forgive her if she ever went so much as a cent over budget. He always wanted to see receipts and had his hand outstretched, waiting for his change. There was no way she could even sneak treats for Sophia or herself - he saw everything. Carol pushed her cart around, following Ed's instructions to the letter, everything that she had to get memorised from years of practice. She picked up items and almost robotically placed them in the cart, knowing them by heart because they were always the same. Shopping was a lot like her life. Ed called the shots, controlling, supervising, inspecting. It was like being on trial for a crime, and it didn't matter if she was guilty or not, he always found a way to convict her.

She bumped into an old acquaintance from school and nodded and hummed her way through the insincere smalltalk. She really wasn't in any mood for faking interest in what Miss Perfect Prom Queen Amanda McKinley had been up to since school, especially considering they'd barely spoken back then . Carol put on her best pretend smile and grit her teeth through boob jobs and divorces until she finally left her alone. Truthfully she was quite glad of any distraction to keep her out longer, even if she'd had to tune out of the chit chat. Anything was better than what was waiting for her at home.

All too soon though, it was time to go back, and she didn't think she had ever felt so lost.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Well you lovely bunch just continue to make my year! Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'm sorry for all the angst you've had to wade through up til now, and unfortunately (unless you're like me and love a good dollop of angst in your cornflakes...) the shit is about to hit the fan. The latter part of this chapter was one of the first scenes I wrote when I started writing this story. It's a bit of a turning point in the road, and while I can't promise the angst is truly over, those clouds might just be about to break. I do have to point out, this chapter contains some pretty horrible imagery, so just use your own discretion. **

**Warning: This chapter does contain scenes of abuse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of TWD characters, I just pull their strings and make 'em dance ;) **

Chapter 11

Hell knew why he hadn't called after her. He'd tried to convince himself it was because she was already out of earshot and wouldn't have heard him anyway, but he knew that was just bullshit. Their conversation had exposed nerves, left him feeling empty and pretty pissed, and then she'd left and all he had was her damn sweater. He didn't know why he'd kept it - he should have given it to Lori to pass on, but instead he'd stuffed it in his jacket. He felt like a prize dork now. It wasn't her fault he was such a loser, blowing around on the wind like a tumbleweed with nowhere to go. He'd been angry at himself for not having the balls to tell his daddy and Merle where they could shove it and the memory had raged over like boiling water at her. Now all he could hear was his own voice clanging in his head, barking at her like some jackass. Part of the reason he'd flew off the handle at her was she was right - she was always right. Even though he didn't have anywhere to go, nobody to care if he got up in the morning, he'd came back because this felt like home. It felt like home because she was here, but coming back to a glacial reception cut him to the bone, and he'd lashed out like a wounded animal. Then there was the realisation of what he'd supposed anyway, that she was married and even had a kid. He knew he was being pathetic, but it still hurt, knowing she'd moved on and left him behind… had a life now that didn't include him.

He had no right to be jealous of a guy he'd never even met, but Daryl couldn't stop the green eyed monster stirring. Now as he pulled over outside the house he'd seen her and the kid go into after the party, his heart picked up a little. What was he doing? He wasn't doing a great job of rubbishing her claims right now, showing up at her door with a fucking sweater he could've just given to Lori who lived second's walk away. Daryl stared at the garment in his hands, slight wisps of her scent reaching his nose and resisted the urge to bury his face in it. He had come too far now to turn back, and he couldn't deny that he wanted to see her again. Even if she gave him hell for showing up at her door. There was also the possibility of checking out the husband. He wondered what kinda guy had stepped in to fill his shoes after he'd left. It was a nice house, Daryl figured the dude must do alright for himself. He probably had a Merc in the garage. His eyes wandered around the interior of his battered old Dodge, frowning at the patches of duct tape holding the seats together. He had lost his goddamn mind.

He threw the sweater on the seat and huffed out a growl as he went to start the engine. As he leaned forward he heard a door open and his eyes whipped around. The monster was well and truly awake now, his hands gripping the wheel and a growl poised and ready in his throat. Daryl knew right away this guy was a dick. His people skills might not have been great but he was never wrong on first impressions. The guy had the kinda face that had always deserved a pounding but always escaped. He reminded Daryl of the guys his daddy and Merle always got them mixed up with. Tall, lumbering, face like some cartoon villain. Everything about him as he stood in the doorway, drawing on his smoke and eyeing the pickup curiously, made Daryl want to beat his ass into the ground. He didn't bother starting the engine.

"You lookin' for somethin'?" Ed's voice boomed over at him as he shut the driver door forcefully.

"Yeah, m'lookin' for Carol, she home?" Daryl made his way up the path.

"Who's askin'?"

"Uh, Daryl… Dixon." Daryl forced his hand out and felt his blood boil when Ed just stared at it and then back at him. He definitely hated this guy.

Ed looked him up and down, the cogs in his mind creaking as he studied Daryl and took another long thoughtful puff at his cigarette. "What you want with Carol?"

Daryl fought the urge to kick this prick's teeth in. "It was just to return this, she left it at Lori's the other night." He peered around Ed to try and get a look inside the house.

Ed looked at the sweater, his face void of any emotion and then at Daryl again. "Lori's?"

"Yeah," Daryl grunted, getting a little tired of this guy's conversation skills already. "She left it at the party so I picked it up."

Ed glared at the black garment as Daryl handed it over. He thought he recognised that look. The way Ed gripped the flimsy material between his rough hands made him feel sick and got his hackles up. The air was charged with electricity and Daryl knew he had to leave right now or shit was gonna go down. He didn't like the vibe he was getting from this guy and the thought of Carol ending up in trouble because of him was the only thing that held enough weight to pull him away.

"Anyways I better go, I just came to give it back," Daryl turned on his heel, his blood rushing in his ears, barely holding it together.

"Oh don't worry," Ed called after him darkly. "I'll see that she gets it."

Daryl turned to meet Ed's piggy eyes glowering at him, not quite masking the intent behind them. He glared back, and somehow he knew this wasn't over. As he stormed back to the truck he was sure he could feel his father's eyes following him.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

Carol completed her shopping trip in a trance, daydreaming, mulling over her life and wondering how the hell it had come to this. Once upon a time she'd had dreams that far exceeded shoving a shopping cart down aisles she didn't need to visit, all so she could avoid going home. She knew Ed would be mad, but she couldn't bring herself to finish up and pay for her groceries. Being rid of him for a night had given her some much needed relief, and now that he was back all her burdens seemed to weigh twice as much on her shoulders. The thought of going back filled her with panic, but she knew the longer she postponed the inevitable, the worse it would be. The checkout girl smiled at her and the best she could manage was a twitch. Somehow people being nice made it harder. How could people be so different? Someone she didn't know, smiling sweetly at her, like she was a person rather than a thing? Ed never smiled at her. They'd been married for 13 years and he never smiled at her, not the way smiles are intended, anyway. This small observation made her want to give up and crumple into a ball right there on the shop floor, but she resisted, paying for her shopping and heading out to the car.

The drive back home was a blur. Carol didn't register a single turn of the steering wheel or pump of the brakes, her brain running on autopilot. The whole way home she stared blankly ahead, not seeing anything apart from the chaos in her mind. She wasn't going to cry. She bit down on her lip until it hurt, trying to keep the tears from pooling in her eyes. It seemed to work, and she sucked in deep lungfuls of air to repel them further. Tiny pinpricks of rain dotted the windscreen as the clouds billowed in the sky like murky water ripping through a riverbed. The beautiful weather from earlier had disappeared, much like her joyful mood from Saturday when Ed had set off on his trip. She'd felt so light, for the first time in years she'd felt like herself. He took it away as quickly as she'd found it. The sky wasn't the only thing churning now.

When she got home she immediately felt uneasy. There was a distinct sense of foreboding settling in to her body - something didn't feel quite right. The atmosphere outside was eerie and still, like the calm before a thunderstorm. It made her even more apprehensive about going inside. She would much rather be outside in the thunder and torrential rain than inside and dry, with him. Carol sat in the car for a minute, trying to think of a plausible reason why she'd been gone so long. Eventually she decided not to bother. Whatever reason she gave him, he would still find a way to put the blame on her. She took a deep breath and got out of the car.

Ed was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the sports pages when she struggled through the door with the bags. He didn't even look up, and that set alarm bells ringing in her head. He usually looked through the bags, demanded his change, asked her what the hell had took her so long, but he sat at the table as if she wasn't there. She crept into the kitchen and began to put the shopping away without a word, her back to him.

"Who's Daryl?" His voice was eerily calm.

Carol froze. Her mouth gaped as the words fell like bombs and her breathing ground to a halt. She felt fear grip her as she realised there was no way out of this. She turned slowly to face him, afraid of what look she might find on his face. "I- I don't kno-"

"You don't know him? Well that's funny cause he sure as hell seemed to know you when he showed up here earlier." Ed stood up, eyeballing her and producing her sweater. Carol's face dropped as she realised it was the one she'd worn on Saturday. "Somethin' you wanna tell me?"

"I knew Daryl years ago but I haven't seen-"

"Don't lie to me!" he snarled, lobbing the garment across the room at her, making her jump. "I know you went to Lori's behind my back and now I know why. You fucking around with this prick?"

"No, I swear I wouldn't-" she mumbled, backing away slightly.

"Who the hell is he?" He towered over her now, his shadow bearing down on her, blocking her escape.

"I haven't seen him for a long time-"

"You're a lying bitch! When were you gonna mention this party to me?" A vein in his temple pulsed as he asked the question, his voice booming now.

"I- I'm sorry, I was gonna but-"

"But you didn't. You went and cosied up to that redneck fuck! Do you know how that makes me look?" He looked crazed. She could have sworn his eyes were glowing red.

"Ed you're overreacting, I -"

Before she knew what was happening, he had a fistful of her dark curls in his grubby hand and he was hauling her across the hallway. She let out a helpless yowl of pain as he began his merciless ascent of the stairs, trailing her behind him like a pig to the slaughter.

"Ed please, you're hurting me!" she squealed, trying to stay on her feet.

Her frantic pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears as he dragged her into the bathroom. She strained against him like a frightened animal, her heart accelerating, trying to pull away from his grasp. She wriggled free momentarily before feeling his fingers bore holes in the soft flesh of her arm as he grabbed her back.

"Let me go!" she screeched, trying to wrestle herself free.

Suddenly her head exploded with pressure, spinning as if she'd been hit by a freight train as he brought the back of his hand down across her face, catching her on the temple. Stars and black spots danced in the near darkness of her vision and then she was on the floor, gripped tightly between his knees, her chest crumpling under the weight as he pinned her in place. She drifted in and out of consciousness for a moment, her hearing muffled as if she was under water. She could hear a faint buzzing sound, and was unsure if it was external or coming from inside her own head. His grip on her scalp tightened, and it was then she realised what he was doing.

Mechanically he began buzzing thick tresses of auburn, taking care to leave the wad of curls he was yanking her head around with. She wailed and tried to shrink away from him as she saw long swathes of her hair fall to the bathroom floor. He roughly jerked her head as he sawed at her beautiful locks. Her temple was stinging and she imagined from the pain she was in that she was bleeding. Her heart was flying in terror, so much that she feared it might give out. She wondered how far he was going to take this ordeal; she'd had beatings before but never in her life had she been this terrified. He'd never been anywhere near this wired. Her head throbbed and stung angrily under his grip and the way he had her pinned down meant getting away was impossible. She tried to go to that happy place in her mind, telling herself it would be over soon.

The last tuft of wild hair dropped onto the tiles and the buzzing stopped. Carol squinted at the dark spirals on the floor, her eyes stinging and her soul broken. Her beautiful hair, the one thing that made her feel feminine was gone. He had taken away the last part of her that made her feel like she was worth anything. She sat on the floor, huddled over, her arms shaking as she tried to support herself. She couldn't help the flinch as he bent over her, her eyes glimmering and wide with panic avoiding him, her face still burning in agony where he'd struck her.

"You're one nasty lookin' skank, you know that?" he snarled in her ear, his breath making her skin crawl. "You should be fuckin' grateful you got me, nobody else is gonna look twice at ya now." He slung the trimmer back on the cabinet and turned to go downstairs. "Get this cleaned up."

As his heavy footsteps fell on the stairs, she scrabbled to the door and locked it. Carol slid limply to the floor and curled into a ball, wrapping her arms around herself. Her body convulsed as physically disabling sobs possessed her. She lay on the bathroom floor, her face pressed into the cold tiles as she unravelled. Her sobbing left her breathless, forcing all the air out of her lungs, completely suffocating her like a fish out of water until the next wave rescued her. She cried until she was sick and then cried some more. When there were no tears left to shed, she just lay on the floor for what felt like forever in a numb void. She had nothing left. For a long time now, she had felt dead inside anyway.

Summoning what strength she could find in her barren reserves she hauled herself to her feet and threw open the door of the medicine cabinet. She raked through the contents, bottles spilling out into the sink. She fumbled blindly, not caring what came to her hands first, so long as they got the job done. A bottle of aspirin tablets found her hand. She stared at them for a moment before filling a glass with water. Carol popped the lid off and emptied the contents onto the counter. It was almost a full bottle, it would be enough.

As she gathered the first palmful in her trembling hand, she looked at the little round pills through watery eyes. This was it, she had finally reached the end. No going back. The gaping maw was looming in front of her, welcoming her in, and the sad truth was it frightened her less than the thought of staying here with him. Before she could get the pills to her mouth, a soft knocking at the door pulled her back from the edge of the black abyss.

"Mama, are you in there?"

_Sophia. _A small strangled sob tried to break free as her baby's sweet voice rang like an angel's sigh in Carol's ears and as she looked at the powdery white discs in her quivering palm, she was instantly disgusted with herself. The very thought of leaving her daughter behind to a life of misery with that monster downstairs made her want to throw up again. _Not my Sophia. Not a chance._

"Yeah baby I'm here, I'll be right out."

Carol flushed the pills down the toilet, the sight of them making her guts wrench. The thought of what she had very nearly done sent horrid shivers through her exhausted body, like someone had walked over her grave. She scooped up handfuls of her lost hair and watched as they sunk into the bin. Carol swiped at her eyes and took a deep breath before opening the door to Sophia's angelic face.

"Mama, what happened?" Sophia gasped, looking up at her with watery eyes like saucers. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine sweetie. Come here." She pulled Sophia close and bent to kiss the top of her head, knowing the little girl knew exactly what had happened

In that moment, Carol clung to Sophia like a life raft out in the middle of the ocean. She was the only reason she was glad she hadn't opted out a few moments ago. She was wrong when she thought she had nothing left - Sophia was everything. Carol knew she had to keep going. No matter what that bastard threw at her, she would take it, because there was no way in hell she was going to take the easy way out, leaving Sophia alone with him. From now on, she would have to be a lot stronger. A lot was going to change, starting now.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello my pretties and welcome to another chapter! Are we all suitably flailing at *those* pics today? I can feel it in my bones people, this is _our_ time! **

**Anyway, Chapter 12. This is the second last flashback (I think) before we move on with the story in the present. I had considered doing flashbacks all the way through... but when I thought about it, fifteen years is a LOOOOONG time, and I only really needed them to show what happened between our babies. This one is pivotal. No going back. These other flashbacks, may appear in future however... (*cough*sequel*cough*) ;) **

**As always, big thank you to kaoscraze and allidon for their continued support and input, you two are awesome. Also thank you for the always kind reviews. Nothing makes me happier than hearing back from you guys. I do also apologise for the once a week updates but I like to stay a few steps ahead, that way you don't have to wait months for an update (I've read a few that I've loved but haven't been updated in about a year so think what I'm sparing you! Hehe) **

**Anyway enough of my yapping. To the Carylmobile!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, TWD, or anything like that. They own me!**

Chapter 12

Whenever Daryl was having a hard time, or needed to keep his mind occupied, he could always find solace in his work. Any time his daddy had flown into raging bull mode, Daryl threw himself into constructive activity, doing any jobs that Dale needed him to do and found it calmed him. Working had always been a sort of escape for him, even now in adulthood he found peace in focusing his mind and getting things done. Today however, it wasn't working.

He couldn't shake Ed Peletier's ugly fuckin' face from his mind, his eyes burned into his retinas as if he'd been staring at the sun. He'd barely slept a wink all night, his mind in overdrive, wondering what had caused Carol to wind up with an asshole like that. The seeds of worry that had been planted when he came face to face with Ed were taking root and sprouting, creeping like ivy. He hadn't liked anything about the picture this guy had painted in his head. He tried to convince himself he was just overreacting and that the dude was probably just all mouth, beating his chest because some guy showed up looking for his wife. The alternative was something he didn't want to even consider. _"__I__'__ll see that she gets it.__"_ He knew he had no right sticking his nose in other people's business, especially hers. He'd been gone too long, drifted too far from her. It wasn't his problem anymore, and yet, he had a maddening compulsion in his gut to do something. She wouldn't thank him for meddling though.

His concentration was shot; everything he touched was going wrong and making him madder by the second. The humidity wasn't helping either. His shirt clung to his back and chest and he just wanted to rip the damn thing off. He'd tried three times now to screw the radiator cap back on and just couldn't do it. His hands felt like he'd been sitting on them all day, pins and needles climbing up his arm every time he moved his fingers.

"Shit!" Daryl smacked the cap against the inside of the hood and stormed into the office where thankfully the fan was blowing.

He sat at the desk, his head in his hands as he tried to let go of the chaos in his mind. Everywhere he looked Ed's eyes were staring at him, and he was finding it really hard to keep it together. Seeing Carol again after all this time had brought back a lot of shit he thought he'd managed to bury, and now he had double helpings of guilt on the side. Their parting of the ways haunted him, and now he had seen the fruits of his labour. He knew it was his fault, Carol ending up with some prick that reminded him of his old man. If he could have kicked his own ass, he would have.

"Daryl?" He could hear Dale calling him from outside, followed by his footsteps as he peeked through the doorway. "Is everything alright?"

Daryl looked up at him briefly before returning his forehead to his palms. His head was starting to pulse with jagged pain; he really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, even Dale.

"Daryl?" Dale eyed him with concern, making his way to the desk. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

"I dunno where to fuckin' start." Daryl groaned, pulling his hands right down his face to rest his chin on. "Wish I'd stayed the hell away from that party." Dale's brows knitted together in confusion. "Carol."

Dale's frown suddenly eased off with realisation. "Ah."

"Didn't see that comin'."

"You two were pretty close weren't you? "

"Yeah, that year we were," Daryl sighed. "Seein' her again… it's fucked my head up."

"Did you talk to her?"

"A little. Don't think she was too happy to see me."

Dale nodded. "Well from what I hear she's got some troubles of her own. I wouldn't take it personally ."

Daryl's head shot up like a meerkat. "Troubles? What kinda troubles?"

Dale's gaze shifted to the door to make sure no one was around to overhear. "Her husband, Ed. I would stay away Daryl. He's bad news."

"Bad news how?" Daryl wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but he had to ask.

"He's got a bit of a reputation. Runs with a rough crowd - layabouts and crooks. He's trouble, that one." Dale looked at him insistently. "Trust me, Daryl. Stay away."

Daryl leaned back against the chair. "Too late for that. I already met the asshole."

"What? When?"

"Carol left her sweater at the party, so yesterday I went by-"

"You did what?" Dale's eyebrows shot up in wild arcs. Oh please tell me you're kidding."

Daryl scowled as he remembered the way Ed had looked at him, like he'd stepped in better looking shit. "He didn't exactly roll out the welcome mat."

Dale sighed in dismay. "Look, I know you cared about her once upon a time, but I'm telling you now, getting involved is only gonna bring you a world of trouble.."

"I ain't afraid of him," Daryl grunted, his fists balling at the idea.

"It's not about being afraid. It's about her getting caught in the middle and getting hurt." Dale's tone softened slightly at the look that flashed across Daryl's face. "Daryl what happened between you two back then? I always got the impression that you were more than just good friends."

Daryl looked at him like a rabbit caught in headlights. He'd had it eating away at him since he'd come back, but having Dale give him an open invitation to unload only made him want to bolt out of the office. Digging the past up meant actually taking responsibility for things that made him feel ashamed, and he wasn't sure if he was ready. He'd tried to block it out for years, tried to shake off the guilt. Coming back here had just stirred it all up again, and it was just as suffocating to him as it had been the day it happened.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Daryl's eyes fell, the wall going up as the memories came back more painful and raw than they had before. He didn't deserve to feel better about any of it.

Dale stirred his coffee and pulled out the chair across from him. Daryl could sense there was a 'talk' coming. He stared at the grain of the wood on the table, letting his eyes go out of focus, the mottled woodgrain blurring in his vision. His only way out of this was to disappear inside his bubble.

"I can't make you talk, heck I never could." Dale smirked at the memory. "But I know one thing. I've never known anything, not even your troubles at home when you were a boy, that was bad enough to put you off a day's work."

Daryl looked up at him. He had a point. Work had always been his escape, but there was no escaping this. As much as he wanted to clam up and wallow in his guilt and self pity, he was tired. He was losing his damn mind. The look on Dale's face was enough for Daryl to know he wasn't getting out of it without a fight anyway. He didn't have the strength to resist. Pressure welled behind his eyes from the sheer relentlessness of it all, and his voice cracked as he began to relive the past.

"I broke her goddamn heart."

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

The forest was still. The air was thick with humidity, and charged with electricity. Daryl knew they were in for yet another thunderstorm. This summer had been scorching, the hottest he could remember, and they'd had storms nearly every day for weeks. As he made his way to the cabin, he tried his best to figure out what the hell he was gonna do. He didn't want to go. This was the only place he'd ever been where he felt like he belonged. The thought of uprooting and starting all over again in a strange place, of leaving everything he knew, leaving Carol, it was more than he knew how to deal with. He didn't need to ask the reason; his old man had a habit of pissing off the wrong people and disappearing across country overnight. He should've expected it eventually, should've known not to get too comfortable and actually think he could be fuckin' happy for once. None of that mattered, though. He didn't matter, he just did what he was told because he was smart enough to know what would happen if he didn't.

How the fuck was he gonna break it to her? She had to be pissed as hell at him for sneaking off the other morning without a word, so he knew this wouldn't go down well either. He'd had to leave her. Seeing her lying curled up sleeping next to him had driven a sharp pain through his chest. What they'd done the night before had just cemented what he felt for her, and he knew if she woke up before he could get out it would have been impossible to go. He loved her. He'd known for a while but all he felt right now was angry and afraid, and lost. He didn't know what to do, so he just kept walking. Daryl trudged through the forest, the sound of bark and damp twigs creaking and snapping under his boots the only sounds he could hear. It was starting to rain.

As the cabin came into view, a loud snap made him spin around, on alert. Carol.

"Shit, ya tryn'a give me a heart attack?" he barked irritably, his voice laced with the venom flowing in his veins that seeped from his thoughts. A realisation suddenly hit him. "You been followin' me?"

"Well I haven't seen you since Saturday when you snuck off like a dog." Carol folded her arms, her tone scathing. "Have you been avoiding me? How come I haven't seen you at school?"

Daryl avoided her glare, trying to think of how to drop the bomb without hurting her. When an answer didn't present itself and her eyes started burning holes in his head, he turned on his heel and continued trudging towards the cabin.

"Daryl!" she called after him, incredulous. "Daryl stop!"

He slowed to a halt, not wanting to turn around and face the inevitable. He could feel both rage and sorrow strangling him from the inside. This was gonna kill her.

"Look at me," Carol said, her voice trembling.

He turned around slowly, afraid of the look he might find on her face. It was as if she already knew. She looked frightened, like she had come to him for reassurance that everything was okay. Guilt was choking him, stopping the words from leaving his throat.

"I went by your house on Saturday."

Guilt gave way to anger, and Daryl's face screwed up in disbelief. "You did what?"

"I came by looking for you."

"I told ya before to stay the hell away!" he growled. "What did ya-"

"I saw Merle," she cut him off, the words sticking in him like knives and putting him on alert. "He seemed to think you were leaving town, but I told him he had it wrong because you wouldn't keep something like that from me, would you?"

_Merle. That fuckin__'__ son of a bitch. _He'd known Daryl and Carol were together and that it was gonna be hard for him to leave her behind. His rage bubbled in the pit of his stomach, making his breaths quicken and his throat close up. The heavy silence said what he couldn't, and it was deafening. Daryl couldn't look at her. He could feel her eyes locked on him like a crosshair, ready to fire if he didn't produce the answer she wanted .

"Would you?!" Her shrill voice made him jump slightly.

He gingerly lifted his gaze to her terrified expression. Her eyes were sparkling with moisture and her chest was heaving; he knew this wasn't gonna end well. Carol let out a ragged gasp, like someone had punched her in the ribs and winded her. Raindrops were falling all around them now, picking up a steady rhythm as they landed on the forest floor and pattered the leaves on the trees. He just stood there, words failing him, taking in her hurt and feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet.

"When were you going to tell me?" she croaked. "When?!"

"He had no right runnin' his fuckin' mouth off." Daryl muttered.

"Don't blame him for this! You've been lying to me , making me think everything was fine, and I find out from your brother?" She was starting to lose control of her voice, her breakdown imminent.

"What was I 'sposed to do, huh?" Daryl's voice grew raw. "Ya think I had a choice?"

"You chose to lie, Daryl! And to humiliate me." She screeched at him tearfully, and Daryl looked at her in confusion, before realisation hit him. "Make you feel like a big man, did it? You had your fun with me then went running to Merle bragging… I thought I was worth more than that to you!"

"Yeah well ya thought wrong," he snapped. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, his rage overriding control of his speech and firing shots at her that she didn't deserve. Somehow it made it easier to lash out and hurt her, to push her away, put some distance between them. "Ya think this is some damn romance novel? We all live fuckin' happily ever after? We screwed Carol, big deal! Ya think it changes anythin'… huh? Ya think it's gonna keep me here?"

Her eyes glimmered as a silent tear rolled down her cheek, disbelief and hurt etched into her features as she took every barb he lashed her with. He knew her heart was breaking, but it only made him angrier. Angry at himself for what he was doing, angry at her for standing there and letting him tear her to pieces, angry at his dad, Merle, the fuckin' rain.

"I thought…" she mouthed, her voice failing her.

"You thought what?" he sneered derisively, right in her face. "Thought I loved ya? I dunno what dumb fairytale shit's goin' on in your head, but it ain't real!"

Carol swiped her cheeks with her hand and continued to take every blow he threw her way, allowing herself a wistful smile through watery eyes. His blood was boiling now, chest heaving, unable to control the rage surging through his veins.

"What makes ya think you're so damn special huh?" Daryl spat, his voice close to breaking. "Think we're gonna run off into the sunset just 'cause you drop your panties?"

As soon as the last word left his mouth he knew he'd crossed a line. The slap seared his cheek and jaw hard before he had time to blink, leaving an angry sting on his rain soaked face. Her eyes were narrow slits, brimming over with hot tears. All at once he felt regret and shame weighing him down, almost completely dulling the burning sensation in his cheek. The anger was still there, but more at himself now than anything else. He'd deserved a slap, goading her for it, getting angrier as she just stood there and took it all. Now he had his hand on his face, watching her sob as the rain drove down in hard, fat bullets. He wanted to pull her into his arms and take back everything he'd just said, kiss her until she stopped crying and tell her everything would be okay, but he knew it was too late. Their friendship lay in tatters, he'd ripped it to shreds just like he'd needed to, but it brought him nothing but a horrific aching in his chest.

Carol gave him one last solemn look, her eyes red from crying, curls plastered to her face with rain, and turned away. The pull in his gut was awful. He wanted to go after her, to haul her back and tell her he wasn't going anywhere, beg her if he had to. But he just stood there, looking after her as she ran, disappearing between the trees. This wasn't real. His body felt limp, like he'd just had 10,000 volts pumped into him. He couldn't move. He had thought it would hurt less this way but he was wrong. It hurt more than any beating he'd ever taken off his old man. The reality of what had just happened hit him and he sank to the ground, his knees giving way from the shock. Sharp twigs and bark bit at his knees as the pain swelled inside him, choking off his airway and half strangling him. His eyes burned and his hands dug into the waterlogged carpet of foliage as he fell forward. Agonising sobs that he couldn't hold back came pouring out of him in a river that ran with the rain.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Chapter 13? Okay I'm officially panicking eeeeep! Gonna try not to babble too much. Thanks as per to everyone for reading etc, also thanks to everyone who cheered me up at the weekend. I was having a bit of a stress. Writer's block has struck and I have a ton of adult boring stuff to do for exams etc so this is exactly why I update at a rate of one chapter a week... so you lovely lot don't need to wait 3 years for an update and in turn end up hating me haha! **

**Last flashback... not sure if there will be any more (maybe at the end?) but did I also mention... *cough*SEQUEL*cough*. Yes. Aherm. **

**This chapter made me cry. I will admit it without shame. I cried at myself. Young Carol's situation reminded me of something similar I went through and this scene is basically lifted from my own manpain haha. Also the first scene with Adult Carol I wrote to the soundtrack of I Dreamed a Dream sung by Susan Boyle. It fits. **

**Anyway, I have lots to do so enjoy my loves! And keep those sweet reviews coming, I need the feel good right now! **

**Also I know this is a huge angst fest... but it's allll about to change ;) bwahahahaha!**

**_Disclaimer: TWD and its characters are the property of that baaaad man. Not me._ **

Chapter 13

Carol stared at the ghost in the bathroom mirror. The timid, broken woman looking back at her with empty eyes was a shadow of the sassy, vibrant girl with the blue eyes and wild hair that everyone used to comment on. She wasn't Carol Grant, or even Carol Peletier anymore. She didn't know who she was. Some poor, hopeless creature that a thousand people would pass in the street without a glance, like the kind in the stories her mama used to tell her when she was little. Now she was in the story, but there was no good Samaritan to save her.

When she'd woken, reality had slammed into her as she relived the horror that had been yesterday. She'd rolled slightly on her face and winced at the pain that corkscrewed through her temple, biting her lip to stifle the yelp incase she woke him up. She hadn't imagined yesterday. The cool brush of the pillow against her strained neck had reminded her that her hair was gone, and a painful grief she hadn't felt since her parents had passed away settled into her aching body.

Her beautiful long locks were tucked into a bag on the sidewalk for the garbage men to pick it up. Part of her wished it was her in that bag. Her spirit was shattered, the last of it waiting outside to be picked up and slung into the back of a truck. She felt naked and exposed without her thick nest of curls, like there was really nowhere to hide now. The thought of leaving the house and having people stare at her made her want to vomit. He had inflicted the ultimate humiliation on her, taken away the last part of who she once was. Her scalp still stung from the grip Ed had held her in, pulling handfuls of her hair out by force as he jerked her around like a rag doll.

Exhaustion had found places inside her previously untouched. Sleep had eluded her for hours when she finally got to bed, after a night of trying to subtly reassure Sophia that everything would be alright and tending Ed as though nothing had happened - despite wanting nothing more than to grab Sophia and bolt out of the door. She had waited until he'd staggered upstairs and she could hear him snoring before she went to bed, not even wanting to be in the same room as him let alone lie in the same bed. The thought made her skin crawl, and the tears had come again. She considered sleeping on the couch but knew her best chance of getting out of this mess was to act as normal as possible until she figured out what to do. The dilemma tormented her all night, as she relived the trauma, blow by blow. When sleep did finally come for her, it was restless and weak, the nightmares jerking her awake, forcing hot droplets from her eyes until it was eventually time to get up.

As she inched gingerly out of bed, trying her best to be quiet, her entire body creaked in objection. Her ordeal had left its mark on her both mentally and physically. She padded unsteadily to the bathroom, her body seeming to weigh twice as much as it had yesterday morning. She didn't need to look in the mirror to know the damage was bad. The moment she'd opened her eyes she'd known that she had a black eye; the skin around the top of her cheekbone was itchy and tender, her vision blurred from her swollen eyelid. Carol was loath to look at herself. She felt so ashamed and pathetic. Her own trauma was raw and fresh, her head still swimming with dizziness, but it paled into insignificance when she thought about what she had almost done.

_What kind of mother are you?_ She could still feel the pills in her hand; she had almost gone through with it. A congested sob escaped, tears making her sore eye burn angrily. The one thing Carol was grateful for was that Sophia had not been present to witness the horror show, just the aftermath. Of course she had figured out pretty quickly what had happened, having grown up in a constant ominous atmosphere, witnessing enough to know when something was wrong. The thought that her sweet baby girl had to hear her sobbing on the bathroom floor over the crumbling ruins of her life was more than she could bear. If Carol had her way this would end today. She would never have to hear those sounds again.

The shadow in the mirror had her work cut out. She was scared out of her mind. Ed thought nothing of slapping her about, and in some ways she was used to living like a fearful dog, cowering every time she heard a raised voice. But yesterday… yesterday had been so much worse than anything he'd done before, and it had left her in a state of panic. He'd been possessed by some out of control entity and she'd honestly thought he was going to go the whole way and kill her. If he could do that to her, she shuddered to think what else he was capable of. Now as she stood in front of the mirror, trying to work out how to erase the crimson stain on her face and somehow disguise her hair so she could take Sophia to school, she realised she had reached the end of the line. Brushing this off wasn't going to work anymore. She had been lax in her handling of the situation for years now, and it had almost gotten her killed. With the message pounding loud and clear in her temple, she knew exactly how far he would go given half the chance.

Carol dried her eyes, quickly brushed her teeth and carefully washed her tender face. Today felt like the north face of some insurmountable rocky summit. Every fibre of her being screamed at her to stay in the bathroom, in safety. Now she had a door between herself and Ed she didn't want to open it. She would have rather opened the door to some awful creation from the mind of a science fiction author. For a while she stood just looking at the door handle, paralysed by fear, listening for signs that he was awake. She was holding her breath without realising it, and finally willed her hand to turn the doorknob when she heard him snoring again. She hurried past him like he might jump up and grab her at any moment, her heart threatening to burst through her chest.

Carol swallowed back waves of emotion and nausea until Ed had gone to work; fixing his breakfast like she did every morning, trying to get him out of the house as quickly as possible by carrying on with the status quo. Sophia had barely said two words, offering only worried little smiles as she got ready for school and ate her breakfast. Nobody spoke, not even Ed. He seemed to be in a trance, not making eye contact with either of them, like they weren't even there. Carol felt like she was walking on eggshells until he finally got up and skulked out of the door to work without so much as a grunt.

As the time drew near to take Sophia to school, she could feel her heart pick up and her palms began to sweat. The thought of people in the neighbourhood seeing her, staring at her, made her want to lock herself in the bathroom again. She was running out of time to think how she could get Sophia to school without being seen. Suddenly she had an idea and hurried to the window. Peering down the street, she saw Lori's car was still parked up in the driveway. Rummaging in the kitchen she found a pair of sunglasses and one of Ed's hoodies draped around one of the chairs at the table. Despite the smell of him on it making her skin crawl, it was a means to an end and she wouldn't have it on long. Bundled up against the world, she grabbed her keys and took a deep breath as she ushered Sophia out of the door.

"Mama we're going the wrong way!" Sophia tried to keep up as Carol practically dragged her by the hand down the street across to Lori's.

"Change of plan sweetie, hurry up now."

As they approached the house, she could see Lori opening the door to walk Carl out to the car, but she halted in her tracks when she looked up and saw them rushing down the street. Carl looked at his mother and back at Carol, both of them acknowledging that something was wrong. Before either of them could say anything she jumped in first, putting on the best smile she could manage, hoping it would be convincing enough.

"Morning you two," she said, trying to keep her tone light so nobody would notice anything was wrong and adjusting her hood carefully. "Beautiful day isn't it? You know, I was just thinking, how do you two feel about making your own way to school today? I think you're both old enough now. What do you think, Mom?" She turned to Lori, who could definitely sense something was wrong from the way she was eyeing her with concern.

"Umm, yeah," she stuttered after a moment, turning her attention to Carl. "I guess that would be alright with me. Can I trust you to get yourself and Sophia to school on time?"

Carl looked back over at Carol and Sophia, the cogs turning in his head, obviously sensing something wasn't right, but not wanting to pass up an opportunity like this. "Sure, we'll be fine, it's only a couple of blocks. C'mon Sophia."

Lori nodded, sending him down the path to Sophia as Carol left her with a kiss and made her way up to the porch. She didn't want to let go of her but she knew this was something she had to do, for both their sakes.

"Have a good day at school you two, we'll come pick you up afterwards okay?" Lori called after them.

Sophia cast one final apprehensive glance back at Carol, as if she didn't want to leave her either. "Bye mama, I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart." The last syllable caught in Carol's throat, but she managed to keep the smile painted on her face long enough for the two children to turn away towards school.

As soon as they were out of earshot, the silence that fell weighed a ton on her shoulders, and she felt Lori's hand on the small of her back, ushering her into the house. Lori closed the door quickly and guided her into the kitchen to sit at the table. She pulled out a chair and sat close to Carol, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Carol could feel her friend's eyes on her, and lifted her head to a concerned stare.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Carol slowly took off her glasses and her heart sank at the little gasp Lori failed to keep in, her own emotions almost drowning her as she managed to force out a single word.

The floodgates came crashing open.

"Everything."

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

A light rap at the door made her jump and Carol hurriedly swiped at her eyes with her palms.

"Carol honey, its mom. You awake?"

She sniffed and tried to compose herself before answering. "Yeah I'm awake."

The door creaked open and Gina crept in. The look on her face told Carol that her attempts at making herself look presentable had failed miserably.

"Oh baby," she frowned, sitting on the bed and wrapping an arm around Carol's shoulder. "Come on, no boy on God's green earth is worth all these tears. The ones that are don't make you cry."

"I love him mama, I wish I didn't but I do and it hurts so bad!" Fresh sobs strangled the breath from her and she buried her face in her mother's bosom as she fell helplessly apart.

"Shhh-shhh-shhh," Gina hushed, rocking her back and forth. "It's alright, just let it all out."

It had finally come crashing down on her, and the love of her mother only made it worse. There was nothing she could do to stop her body convulsing with every ugly sob. Her world was crumbling around her. She couldn't contemplate a day without him let alone forever, but now she was faced with the cruelty of not having any choice. Reality had kicked her in the gut and the bitter truth, that he was gone, stabbed at her heart like no pain she'd ever felt in her life. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, to be free from the torment. Her mother's embrace drew the grief from her like a priest exorcising a demon and she was totally powerless to resist it.

"Mama what am I gonna do?" Carol forced the words out between energy draining sobs. "Tell me… what to do…"

"Shhh… come on honey. It's alright." Gina kissed her head and smoothed out her long auburn tresses.

"It hurts…. so… bad."

She cried until her river ran dry and her body was drained of its reserves. She felt like a freight train had slammed into her at full speed, and all she wanted to do was lie down and let everything fade to black. Her sobs eventually slowed to occasional reflexive gasps. When it seemed the deluge had calmed, Gina persuaded her to go wash her face and come get ready for bed. Carol changed into her nightdress and sat on the end of the bed as her mother knelt behind her and set to brushing out her wild thicket of curls.

"You feel better now honey?"

"Not really, just tired," she sighed quietly.

"You'll sleep tonight for sure."

"I doubt it," Carol sniffed. "Didn't sleep last night."

"I know, I heard you get up." Gina pulled the brush through Carol's hair in long smooth strokes.

"Needed a drink. Couldn't settle so I sat at the kitchen table for a while. Didn't help."

Carol felt some of her tension loosen as the soft brushstrokes smoothed out waves that tickled her back and shoulders. The release of pressure and grief had definitely helped, but she supposed the fact she was tired had something to do with it too. Her energy levels were sitting at an all time low right now but she knew that in the morning when she woke up and it all flooded back that she would have to feel it all over again. How many mornings could she face waking up to the emptiness of another day without him? They stretched out in front of her, months, years, forever, into the distance.

As if she had read her mind, Gina attempted to enlighten her daughter. "I know you're hurting baby. I've had my heart broken too, and I know how it feels. Even if there was any point carrying on, you just don't want to. Nothing else matters, yet people tell you to move on and forget about him. It's not what you want to hear, but the truth hurts sometimes sweetie. It hurts because you know that's what you have to do. You're gonna feel like crap for a while, but believe me when I tell you that it won't be forever." She scooted round and cupped Carol's face in her hands. "I know it feels like it now, but you listen to your mama. I may be an old fogie but I know what I'm saying's true. One day you'll wake up and it won't hurt so much. You'll realise that you _can_ go on, and you wont have a frown on that beautiful face. You know there's a saying… if you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't… then it wasn't meant to be. Maybe he'll come back, but you can't wish your life away waiting on him. You have to try. Can you do that for me?"

Carol nodded and managed a wistful smile, her tears replenished and shining, ready to fall. Gina wiped them before they left her eyes.

"No more crying tonight, okay? Promise me."

"I'll try Mama," she mumbled.

"No you promise me, and we'll do something tomorrow just the two of us. Deal?"

"Okay, I promise."

"That's my girl. Now scoot, bed time." She pulled the covers back and Carol climbed under, shifting down until her head was nestled in her pillow.

Gina stroked the hair out of Carol's face and dropped a kiss on her head. "Night baby girl."

"Goodnight Mama."

Carol snuggled down and Gina turned off the lamp and moved towards the door.

"Mama?"

"Yes honey?" Gina stopped for a moment at the door.

"I love you."

"I love you too sweetie."

With a quiet click the door closed and Carol was alone again. She listened to Gina's footsteps on the stairs followed by hushed voices in the kitchen, no doubt discussing her. She ran her hand across the sheet where he'd slept on that night she couldn't forget and closed her eyes. She replayed every heartbeat in her mind, every sweet feeling she'd experienced as the rain had lashed off the windows. The visualisation ignited a painful longing that sapped the last of her energy before sleep filled her head. She could keep her promise for tonight, but for tomorrow the best she could offer was to try.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Okay so who apart from me is still flailing at that McReedus pic? Those little shits are gonna kill me. And the season 5 synopsis? OMG. Yes anyway, moving on because I have so much going on in my head it's driving me mad haha! Here is the chapter I know a lot of you have been waiting on. Don't be too disappointed, because let's just say I'm not done yet and what comes later will knock you sideways. That's all I'm gonna say. *maniacal laughing echoing into eternity***

**Anyway, enjoy...**

**Oh and as always thank you to my besties _kaoscraze_ and _allidon_ for keeping me on the right track. And you guys for being awesome.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. I do not own TWD or any of its characters, no copyright intended blah blah. I do this for fun. Well, sometimes. **

Chapter 14

"I can't believe I've let this happen." Carol stared into her now empty coffee cup wistfully, wishing she was anywhere but here.

As soon as Lori knew everything there was to know, she'd called Rick and given him the whole story, despite her anger straining on the end of its tether and wanting to call Ed all the bastards under the sun. The phone call was brief and the outcome was something Carol didn't find appealing in the least. After some persuading Carol had finally agreed to go to the police, but now as she sat picking apart her coffee cup in the interview room she felt like her life was running away from her, like she had no control over what happened next.

Lori resumed her position in the seat next to her and fixed her with a determined stare. "Listen to me, you are not to blame for any of this! You have nothing to worry about, trust me. It's Ed that should be worried. I still can't believe what he did. I thought I knew just what kind of scumbag he was, but he's blown that theory out of the water."

Carol allowed herself a wry smirk. "You did? I've been living with him for thirteen years but even I didn't see that coming."

"I wish you'd come to me right away yesterday," Lori frowned sadly.

"I wanted to, but I knew my best chance of making it out was to pretend like everything was fine until he left for work. He scared me so much…" Carol tried to steady her voice. "I was afraid what he might do if I tried to leave the house."

"Oh sweetie." Lori gathered Carol in her arms. "You're safe now, you and Sophia. You can stay with us as long as you like, you know that right?"

"I don't want to be any trouble," she mumbled.

"And you can cut that out right now," Lori eyed her insistently. "You're no trouble at all. I'm so proud of you for coming to me, I know it must've been hard because you were so afraid, but you've done the right thing Carol. He can't hurt you now and believe me, he's gonna pay for what he did to you."

Carol cuddled in closer to Lori. The thought of Ed paying for anything seemed so impossible it frightened her. Before they'd arrived at the station she'd spent an hour in Lori's house nervously fidgeting, jumping out of her skin every time she heard a car door close. peering through the curtains towards her house. She knew Ed wouldn't be home for hours but she kept being drawn to the window. Each time she saw the driveway empty she breathed an inward sigh of relief that he wasn't coming for her yet.

She had gone through the big reveal of her black eye and then sheepishly lowered her hood to expose her butchered hair, trying her best not to fall to pieces in front of Lori. She failed to keep it together when Lori grabbed her in a fierce embrace, struggling with her own tears and battling against the anger surging through her body at what her friend had been forced to suffer. Lori had let her cry for as long as she'd needed to, and she'd needed it badly. The chaos of her life, ripped up like a house in some category five storm, was crashing around her ears and there was nowhere to hide from it. There were shards of hopelessness, painful splinters of memories hurtling at her from all directions, cutting her, flaying her until the agony was almost unbearable. Carol hadn't cried like this for a long time, although this was a different kind of grief. She wasn't mourning a lost love… she was mourning the loss of herself.

When she'd calmed down enough to be able to talk, Lori had listened as she relived the whole nightmarish ordeal, pausing to compose herself several times. As each new horror emerged Lori's expression had grown sombre and angry. Carol had had doubts about whether to tell Lori about the pills, but she was tired of covering things up, tired of pretending everything was alright. It was a wall she'd been holding up all by herself for too long, and she just couldn't hold it anymore. Lori had broke down and suddenly they were both crying again. It felt so good to release all of the misery she'd been keeping inside for years.

Now as they waited and she sat huddled up to Lori, the reality of her current situation came home to roost. Any moment now the door would open and she would be reliving it all over again, sifting through every detail of her abuse, not even certain that anything would come of it. There was the frightening possibility that no action would be taken. Ed had always been able to charm his way out of anything, and she was almost certain in her mind that if there was a way out of this, he would find it. He'd play it off as one big misunderstanding, then he would come home, she would have to go back and everything would return to normal. Cowering on the bathroom floor, yet another bruise for the collection, and this time she would know to keep her mouth shut. There was no help, not really. In her mind, she would be trapped by him forever. Men like Ed always got away with it, and she was terrified of the fallout from this. Suddenly she wondered whether she had done the right thing, whether she had overreacted. Was this too much of a fuss to be making over a slap and losing her hair? Her hair would grow and the bruise would fade, and those two facts suddenly seemed to outweigh any comfort she had drawn from L:ori.

"Honey you're trembling, what's wrong?" Lori drew back, concern etched into her features.

"What if it's not enough Lori?" she sniffed. "What if nobody believes me and he just gets away with it?"

"Hey listen to me, he is not getting away with anything, okay?" Lori wiped at the salty tracks on Carol's face. "I believe you, and no matter what happens there is no way I'm letting you and Sophia go back to him. You're safe now, both of you. I promise you he is not getting away with it this time."

"I just feel like they're gonna wonder why I didn't come forward sooner, what if they think I just made it all up?"

"They're not gonna think that," Lori coaxed, shaking her head. "Trust me on this one, Carol. Rick and Shane will make sure he can't wriggle his way out of this."

"I can't go back there Lori, I just can't," Carol croaked.

"Even if you wanted to, I wouldn't let you." Lori wrapped her arm around Carol's shoulder again, pulling her close. "I know it's hard but try not to worry. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

Carol breathed a heavy sigh. Worrying was about all she could muster the energy to do. Until Ed was locked in a cell she wouldn't be able to rest, and the more she thought about it, despite Lori's reassurances, the more it seemed like an inevitable fact that he would be excused. Every glint of hope that presented itself she found a way he could get around it. Then another thought occurred to her. If she didn't go back it meant she and Sophia were homeless. Ed had drilled it into her over the years that she needed him, that he kept the food on the table and the clothes on their backs. She didn't have a job, how would she provide for Sophia? She could hear his voice ringing in her mind, his smug eyes laughing at her as she realised he was right. He would always have a hold over her, always stop her from being free. In some ways, it felt like he had already gotten away with it.

The door swung open, hinges screeching and causing Carol to jump as Rick and Shane entered. She glanced at Lori anxiously. After last night's ordeal that seemed to move in agonising slow motion, she was hurtling through today with terrifying velocity. It was all too much, too sudden, and she knew it had to be but it still overwhelmed her. This was happening now, it was no longer a faraway plan in her head that would never come to fruition because she was too scared; she had set the wheels in motion to break away. She had to decide what scared her more; taking this first brave step forward, or facing the rest of her life stuck in purgatory.

"Hey Carol," Rick greeted her as he sat down across from her at the table. "How ya holdin' up?"

"I've looked better that's for sure," she joked, hoping to lighten the tension in her body.

"Well you're doing the right thing. I know this has been difficult for you, but you've already done the hardest part, telling Lori and coming to us for help." Rick's voice was soft and comfortingly familiar, smoothing out the ripples of anxiety pulsing through her body.

"Yeah don't worry your pretty lil' head 'bout a thing," Shane nodded to her with a crooked smile which didn't quite mask the barely subdued rage behind his dark eyes. "Rick and I are gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that sonuvabitch don't lay a hand on you again."

Carol smiled weakly at him, his words making her feel a fleeting glimpse of relief. She couldn't pinpoint the cause. Perhaps the fact they seemed to be taking her seriously, or the notion of someone she had long considered a dark and sinister, now standing in her corner ready to defend her. The thought of having someone like Shane standing between her and Ed made her feel a little better; it was good to feel something other than dread, however brief it was.

"Shane's right," Rick nodded. "First we need to establish exactly what happened so we gotta ask you some questions. I understand it's difficult to talk about, but you take as much time as you need and we can stop and take a break if we have to."

Carol nodded gratefully and exhaled an unsteady breath, knowing she would definitely need to take a break. It had taken her forever to tell Lori what happened.

"We need to know in as much detail as you can remember, what he said and did to you. I know it's not something you wanna rehash but the more detail we have the better off we'll be with the judge. After we're done here we'll need you to get checked out at the hospital and have some pictures taken."

"Judge? Pictures?" Carol shot Lori a look of pure panic. "Wait, I just thought I had to give a statement, nobody said anything about judges or taking pictures."

"It's standard procedure, I promise," Rick reassured her. "Everyone involved in abuse cases has to go through the same thing. You won't be seeing the judge today, but with the evidence we have it'll be enough to serve Ed with an arrest warrant and lock him up until something more permanent can be done." He leaned in, giving her a look of pure empathy. "I promise we'll make this as painless as possible, but it has to be done."

"He's right Carol," Lori rubbed soothing circles on her back to dissipate the tension. "I know you're worried he's gonna wriggle out of this, but if you give them the information they need then there's nowhere for him to run. The evidence is gonna speak for itself."

Carol knew Lori was right, but the idea of doctors prodding at her and taking photos like she was some lab experiment made her want to run away. There were scars and marks on her body that she'd kept hidden from even Lori, but she knew that going into an exam room on her own was something she couldn't face.

"Will you come with me?" She looked at Lori anxiously.

Lori smiled softly, rubbing Carol's back affectionately. "Of course I will."

Carol turned back to Rick. "Okay, I'll do whatever I need to."

"Good," Rick replied, nodding to Shane to get the paperwork. "Let's get this part over and done with then we'll send you on your way. You ready?"

Carol took a deep breath, asking herself the question even though she already knew the answer.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess."

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

Tree after tree flickered past in a blur as she stared out of the car window, her eyes lazy and out of focus, not really registering any of the sights that passed by as they drove home. She felt content to just stare blankly at the world as it flew past; it would have taken more energy than she had to refocus and deal with reality.

Carol had never felt like more of a victim than she did in the hospital. The female doctor and nurse had been nice enough, but she still felt so uncomfortable to have anybody look at her; she could scarcely bare to look at herself in the mirror. She'd had photographs taken of every part of her body he'd ever laid a hand on in anger. Most were scars, long healed by time but still raw inside. She'd felt like a criminal having mug shots taken when the nurse got to her face, but the ultimate humiliation was when the doctor recommended a rape kit. It made her feel dirty and cheap, and she declined. She hadn't been raped anyway… this time. The doctor had gone through her records and Carol confirmed the times she'd been admitted before were times Ed had put her there. The pile of evidence against him was growing, and the doctor had some compelling viewing to hand over.

Rick had called Lori as soon as he'd gotten word that the doctor's report was being processed and told them that he and Shane would take care of the rest, and to take Carol home and wait for more news. Now as she sat in the passenger seat totally oblivious to anything other than the blurred colours and shapes on the other side of the glass, the day was just a haze in the back of her mind. She was almost content to sit in a trance, letting the car take her wherever it went, not having to think about anything. For days all she had done was think, and it had escalated into a crazy buzzing in her head since last night, sapping her energy without her even realising it.

A gentle touch on her arm jerked her back to reality with a slight start. "Wha-?"

"Sorry honey, didn't mean to startle you," Lori said apologetically. "Are you okay?"

Carol smiled back feebly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Guess I was just drifting."

"You've had a tough few days, you must be tired." Lori reached over and rubbed her arm sympathetically. "Don't worry, we'll go pick the kids up and head home for some rest."

Carol's eyes fell to her hands as the illusion of peace fizzled away at the mention of home. The only way she had managed to get through today was breaking it up into tiny parts and dealing with them as they came. This part of the day wasn't something she could break into a small piece; it loomed ahead like some unconquerable mountain, and the closer to home they got, the taller and steeper it became. There was no way around it, or over it. She was hurtling straight through it at a terrifying speed. All she could manage was a weak smile, and as she turned back towards the window her heart jumped nervously in her chest at the thought of what lay ahead.

The whole concept of confronting Ed had been tucked away at the back of her mind since this morning, and probably long before then, before she had the courage to do anything about it. It never seemed real, always something she would deal with sometime in the future, and now that it was here Carol couldn't decide how she felt about it. Scared for one thing; if this all went horribly wrong she dreaded to think where she would go from here. Another smaller part of her actually felt guilty. She'd laid her entire life bare at the station and Ed hadn't come out of it looking pretty. She couldn't help but feel shame at what she'd done. He was probably going to get into a lot of trouble and it was all her fault. Her secrets were out, and it was too late to take any of them back. Now the time was almost upon her, and the mountain was towering, bearing down on her with a crushing weight that forced the air from her lungs. She couldn't breathe.

As the car pulled up outside the school, Carol realised that Sophia still didn't know what was happening. Carl and Sophia were coming out of the main doors and making their way up the path to the school gates, and Carol's brain whirred into action, trying to plan how she was going to explain it all. The two youngsters spotted the car and it was at that point that Carol noticed Sophia's face was all red and blotchy. She'd been crying. Carl looked towards the car, concern etched into his features and then back to Sophia. She was trying her best to look okay, but Carol knew she was far from it. She threw open the passenger door and sprung out of her seat.

"Sophia honey, are you alright?" Carol called to her as a walk broke into a canter.

Sophia wiped her face as best she could and nodded. "I'm fine, Mama. How are you?"

Carol grabbed her into a fierce hug and tried not to get emotional. Everything she had been through today seemed like nothing now that she had her baby girl in her arms again. It was however hard to deal with the fact that Sophia was more concerned about how she was.

"I'm fine sweetie," she sniffed, stroking Sophia's sticky face. "Listen I don't want you getting upset about anything alright? Everything's going to be fine I promise."

"Mama I'm scared," Sophia mumbled. "I know what happened."

"Oh I know sweetheart," Carol wiped away one of her own tears. "But you don't have to be scared anymore. We're going to stay with Lori for a little while."

"What about-"

"We're not going back honey," Carol cut her off, her voice now strong and protective. "He can't hurt us anymore."

Sophia clung to her, and Carol wound her arms around her like she might disappear. For now her fear was overridden by pure maternal instinct. As she guided Sophia back to the car, she felt the weight ease slightly from her chest. She had her little girl, and they had a place to go where they could be safe. There was still the prospect of trouble looming when Ed got home and realised they were gone, but she would have to be strong for Sophia and resist the urge to go back to him with her tail between her legs. She couldn't be that trembling little mouse on the bathroom floor anymore.

The short car ride home had been quiet, and Sophia had reached into the front seat for her mama's hand and clung onto it for dear life the entire way. When they pulled into the street and saw Ed's car parked in the driveway, shadowed by the distinct presence of a police car, Sophia had gripped it even harder and Carol whipped her head around to give her a reassuring glance. She tried to ignore the fact that her heart was close to breaking through her ribcage and she began to flush with panic. The car stopped outside Lori's and she glanced across at Carol to make sure she was alright.

"It's gonna be okay," she mouthed, her study of Carol telling her that she was far from alright.

Carol managed a weak corner-of-mouth smile as she released her seatbelt and opened the passenger door. A torrent of shouting and cursing burst out into the street, making her swivel on her heel and reel back sheepishly. She knew that voice by its volume alone and by the chill it sent up her spine and into every nerve ending in her body. She should've known he wouldn't go quietly.

"Ya better take your goddamn hands off me asshole! This is assault!" Ed yelled, as he strained against the hold Rick and Shane had him under as they led him out and struggled with him towards the car.

"Better watch your mouth sunshine," Shane growled. "Unless ya want breach of the peace added to assault. Now get in!"

"I already told ya I ain't done shit!" Ed's head shot up as he spotted Carol getting Sophia out of the car. "Bet this is all your fuckin' doin' huh? Runnin' your mouth off to your little pal, spreadin' all kinds of shit about me? Look at me bitch!"

Carol's eyes flickered quickly in his direction, before returning to Sophia. She pulled her in close and turned to walk into the house, his eyes still burning into her back like lasers.

"You're gonna regret this!" Ed shouted. "You need me!"

"Shut up and get the hell in the car!" Shane scowled, roughly pressing down on his head as he stuffed Ed into the police car.

Carol turned back briefly to see the car drive past, Ed's glare finding her from the shadows of the back seat. Her grip on Sophia tightened. She'd never seen more hate in his eyes, and it frightened her more than any look he had ever given her. It was too late though… it had happened now, and she would have to pray to God that this all worked out the way it was supposed to.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Omg you guys! Have we had a fabby few weeks or what?! Season 5 is fast approaching and I for one cannot wait! We are also now coming into the real shizzle with this story so fasten your seatbelts! Now that Ed is out of the way, who knows what could happen! Little bit of fluff in this chapter to break up the angst but fear not, what's coming in the next few chapters is squeal worthy (I hope!) Thanks to kaoscraze and allidon as always for helping me. This chapter was a bit of a PITA so thanks you two for rescuing me!**

**Enjoy loves!**

**Disclaimer: TWD and its characters belong to their rightful owners. No copyright intended. Sheesh. **

Chapter 15

Daryl hadn't been able to shake off the dark cloud that had settled around his heart since reliving the past with Dale. It had all come flooding back more vividly than he had expected; he could still feel the water seeping through his pants from the rain soaked forest floor where he'd sobbed himself hoarse on his knees as she'd run away from him. He could still see her blue eyes shimmering with hurt as he'd fired shots at her, cutting her to the bone. It was something he didn't think he'd ever be able to erase from his memory; Lord knows he had tried over the years but it was never really gone. It lurked in the recesses of his mind, quietly haunting his subconscious, knowing it would resurface again one day. He hadn't really wanted to delve into any of it again, but in a way it had been good to unload some of the weight. Dale as usual had listened without passing judgement, nodding and giving the odd understanding glance or interjection. He couldn't deny he felt a little better getting it off his chest, but the ache was still there, and now all the other shit in his head was starting to get on his nerves.

She had tried to be kind and sympathetic at the party, and he'd thrown it back in her face. He didn't deserve it but she'd offered it, just like she always had, and he had shot her down like he was the wounded party. Her eyes were burning like stars in his mind's eye, the way she'd looked at him, still with the same empathy she'd always shown him, but distant in a way that had come about over the years through his absence. She'd been through hell since the last time they'd seen each other, and he'd sat at that damn party sniping at her like he was the only one who'd ever had something to be pissed about. Then to top it all off he'd gone barging round to her house poking his nose in where it didn't belong like some big shot. He was pissed as hell at himself, but as usual, it was too damn late and he was left with the aftermath gnawing away at him. _You're just gonna cause her more harm than good…she's got a family now, she don't need you nosing your way into her life. _

If only it were as simple as leaving again. He still couldn't shake the idea that her husband wasn't the standup guy people probably thought he was. His face flashed in Daryl's memory and he gripped his wrench even tighter at the image of his face when he'd handed over her sweater. How could she have picked a guy like that? He wasn't good enough for her. Hell, no one was good enough for her, not even Daryl. He had come close once, but he'd had his chance and he'd fucked it up.

The sound of an engine chugging past him barely registered until Daryl looked up and saw Dale's face as he realised who the person was. The car came to a halt just a few feet away and he immediately recognised the shrill squeal that emanated from the car window.

"Coo-ee, boys!"

Daryl hadn't been working at the garage long, but he knew that this woman had quite a reputation with Dale. Ever since his wife had died, she'd been hanging around trying to get him to notice. Dale said she was nice enough, but an utter gossip who spent more time concerned with everyone else's business instead of her own. Her big mouth almost matched her big ears, which were a source of entertainment for Daryl on more than one occasion. Dale joked that she could hear a twig snap in a hurricane and he believed him.

She was in the garage nearly every week to bring him something, whether it be fresh venison her son hunted or the latest news from the town. Today it looked like she had some baked goods in tow. Dale waved politely as she got out of the old jalopy she called a car and hobbled her way over to where he stood. Daryl figured that Dale was just too nice of a guy to ever give her the brush off, but in truth, it came down to money. She had a car that was more spare parts than not, but it had been her brother's and she refused to get a new one, so she was constantly needing repairs. When the damn thing did finally croak, he hoped that Dale would send her packing.

"Mrs. Richards, how are you today?" Dale said through gritted teeth. "Are those your famous macaroons?"

"That they are!" She batted her eyelids at him, oblivious to his discomfort. "Fresh out of the oven just for you!" She handed him the container. "And I've told y'all before, it's Ada you silly old goose!"

Daryl did his best to keep in the chuckle that was threatening to come loose, but as she sashayed her way towards the office, Dale threw him a look of utter torture. He hated those cookies, but she was so damn proud of them he never had the heart to tell her that the minute she left they went into the trash. Daryl had nearly broken a tooth on one and since then had stayed far away from anything she baked.

As soon as they went into the office and closed the door, Daryl went back to his work on the station wagon. Dale had commented on how he was blasting through his work today, but in truth it all came down to how much he had rolling around in his head. On days like today with random thoughts making noise in his brain, he liked to work on the tougher jobs that needed a lot of muscle. The more aggression involved the better. He'd been trying to loosen a rusty bolt from the carburetor for ten minutes now, but sadly the bolt was winning the battle. Daryl wiped at his head, which was dripping with sweat from the job, but quickly realized that he had grease all over him, defeating the purpose. Tossing down the wrench, he walked towards the office to grab his towel. The door was cracked open enough that he could hear the conversation going on inside.

"My friend Gladys lives on that street, and I heard her say that those two deputies-that lovely young man with the wife and son and the other ruggedly handsome one...what was his name again?"

"Shane."

"Oh yes! Well, they went barging into the house with an arrest warrant and they dragged Ed Peletier right out of there. Cussin' an' hollerin' in broad daylight no less. I don't know what the world's comin' to."

Daryl halted in his tracks and his towel fell out of his hands onto the floor at the mention of the name that came out of her mouth. He couldn't see Dale's expression from where he was standing, but the old man was quiet and Daryl could sense it was more than just being stuck for words; he could feel the tension in his silence. Before he could stop himself, Daryl charged into the office, obviously frightening Mrs. Richards as her hand flew up to her heart.

"Oh my goodness young man! It's polite to knock before you come barging in-"

"Did you say Ed Peletier? As in Carol Peletier?"

"Well, yes but-"

"Did I hear ya right? They arrested him?"

Mrs. Richards looked over at Dale, who was still standing on the side by his desk, frozen in place. "Dale, I'm not sure I'm real comfy discussin' this in front of-"

"Actually," Dale responded, walking around to where she stood and helping her up out of her chair, "I think it's about time we get back to work now Mrs. Rich- erm, Ada. Why don't I escort you out and we'll finish this conversation later?"

Daryl watched anxiously as Dale flashed him a look that told him not to move from his spot while he walked the old woman back out to the floor. Daryl could feel his blood beginning to boil at the notion that Ed might have done something to harm Carol or Sophia, especially after their tense encounter the other day. Suddenly, it occurred to him that maybe something had happened to them because of what he'd done. Daryl began to pace the floor, waiting for Dale's return. He needed answers, and he needed them now. Mrs Richards' car rumbled off down the yard and faded out of earshot.

"The hell was that all about?" Daryl demanded as Dale came back in and closed the door behind him.

"Okay before you kick off why don't we sit down and not do anything we might regret later?" Dale held his hands up in appeasement, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Like hell I'm sittin' down, not 'til I find out what's goin' on."

"Daryl I know as much as you do. As for why Ed was hauled off I have no idea. But I do know this…" He fixed Daryl with an insistent, almost parental look. "We're best off leaving well enough alone."

"They wouldn't just drag him outta the house!" Daryl's voice was slightly raised as his emotions simmered angrily. "If he's laid a damn finger on-"

"Daryl trust me, the last thing she needs is you marching round there and getting involved. You said yourself, things between you aren't exactly great right now, how is charging in there all guns blazing gonna help anything?"

Daryl huffed in defeat, knowing Dale was right. He was loath to admit it, but there was no way he could go round there and keep a level head. He wanted to knock Ed's teeth out of his head, regardless of whether he'd laid a finger on her or not, and he knew not being able to would only result in him stomping around like a raging bull. For the moment, at least, it seemed he was resigned to just stay out of it.

"Listen why don't you head home?" Dale eyed him expectantly. "Spend some time on the cabin? I can finish up here."

"Yeah I guess." Daryl huffed, his eyes dark and hooded, his expression bleak.

Dale sensed his dislike of the whole thing and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I know it's hard, but it's for the best. You're doing the right thing."

Daryl couldn't help feeling the exact opposite. The right thing didn't always feel right. As the late afternoon gave way to evening, he knew he would start to lose the fight between his head and heart.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

The past couple of days she'd had a few episodes like this; it seemed to be her body's way of coping with the stress and shock, like a caged lab animal feeling grass under its feet for the first time. She had no awareness of where she was, or when for that matter. The trance she found herself locked inside seemed to span on for eternity, knowing no beginning or end. Her body temporarily went into idle mode, everything on the outside fading to a dull haze as she retreated into herself, where it was safe and she didn't have to worry if he came for her, or if he struck her. She had always done it in the midst of a particularly bad beating; went to that safety inside and waited for the storm to be over. Now the storm really was over, but she still lapsed into her sanctuary. It gave her comfort from what had already happened, and from what she feared could happen still.

"I'll have one if you're making some."

Carol spun around, the sound of Lori's voice in the kitchen doorway making her jump and drop the teaspoon, sending coffee granules scattering over the kitchen counter. She looked shamefaced as she realised what she'd done.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Lori screwed up her face apologetically.

"No I'm sorry, I'm such a klutz right now." Carol grabbed a cloth and swept it over the counter hurriedly. "Every little noise is making me jump."

"Carol it's fine, just leave it." Lori watched her cautiously, the faraway glaze still not fully gone from her eyes.

"I got it, I can't believe I dropped-"

"Leave it," Lori beckoned insistently, holding out her hand. "Come with me for minute. I have something to show you."

Carol put down the cloth and looked at Lori curiously before taking her hand and following her to the living room. She sat down beside Lori on the couch, wincing as she tried to brush back a wayward curl that no longer existed. The side of her face and swollen eye were getting better every day but the slightest touch still sent a jolt of pain through her face, and she still hadn't gotten used to the loss of her hair. She could still feel her curls tickling her face and kept reaching for them. It was hard to know what to do with her hands if she got tense or nervous, now that there were no curls to wind around her fingers.

"I forgot I had this," Lori smiled, taking a slim, black box from the coffee table and sliding it into Carol's lap. "I've never really had it out of the box except to look at, but it was just too pretty to throw away."

"What is it?" Carol gave her a puzzled look.

"Open it and see," she laughed softly.

Carol ran her fingers over the ornate, embossed detailing on the lid of the box and lifted it off. There were layers of black tissue paper inside, and she peeled them back to reveal a striking orange coloured silk scarf. A soft gasp escaped her as her eyes soaked up the rich, warm colour. It really was beautiful, and her fingers were immediately drawn to the cool fabric.

"It's… gorgeous," Carol whispered, looking at her in amazement. "May I?"

"Of course," Lori smiled.

Carol lifted the delicate garment out of the box and held it up. It unfurled to reveal bursts of deep pink bleeding into the orange, like the most incredible sunset. She pulled the cool silk through her hand, loving the way the soft tassels that trimmed the edges slipped through her fingers lazily.

"You like it?" Lori grinned excitedly, nudging her softly with her elbow.

"It's beautiful Lori," Carol smiled back. "Why don't you ever wear it?"

"Ugh, it never suited me." Lori sighed. "Orange isn't my colour. It'll look a lot better on you."

"Me?" Carol's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah, I want you to have it."

Carol stared at the scarf in her fingers and despite her best efforts, felt herself choking on a deluge. Ed had never let her own anything this beautiful and perfect, never mind wear it. Now that she held it in her hands, she realised she held so much more too, and it hit her like a tsunami.

"Oh honey," Lori pulled her into a fierce embrace. "It's okay if you don't like it."

"No, I- I love it," she sobbed into Lori's hair. "I'm s-sorry…"

"Hey shhh," Lori soothed, rubbing her back. "Don't you ever be sorry. It's okay to cry y'know. It helps. Hell, sometimes I need a good cry once a month or I'd kill Rick."

Carol couldn't stop the giggle that burst through the tears and sat back to wipe her face with her palms. Lori smiled at her and passed her a tissue.

"That's better." Lori ran her thumb over Carol's cheek. "You have such a sweet smile, and I wanna see a lot more of it from now on alright?"

Carol nodded and dabbed at her eyes. "Alright."

"Now, I wanna see how amazing you look in this scarf…"

An insistent rap at the front door made both of them jump. Carol looked at Lori, eyes wide with terror. She had been foolish to imagine she was free of him for even a second, and now he had come for her.

"Relax, it's probably Gladys from next door. She calls round a lot." Lori stood up to go answer the door. She broke into a trot as the rapping resumed. "Alright, alright!"

Carol sat poised on the edge of the couch, her hands by her sides, ready to spring herself off to safety at the first hint of his voice. Her hearing latched on to every little sound; the door handle as Lori turned it, the shrill squeak of the hinges as she pulled it open. His voice never came though. Another voice filtered through instead; soft and rough at the same time, curling around her heart like it always had done, and she couldn't move.

_**xOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**_

"Hey… uh, Daryl… from the party?" he stuttered, well aware how much of a loser he sounded.

"Yes I remember," Lori replied curtly, arms folded across her chest as she leaned on the door frame. "What can I do for you?"

_What the hell is this chick's problem? _"Was lookin' for Carol but she ain't home, just wondered if ya knew where I could find her?"

Lori's expression softened at the mention of Carol's name but something in the brunette's eyes unnerved Daryl. "She's staying here for a few days."

"Has somethin' happened?" He felt his gut twist and knew he'd answered his own question. Something definitely didn't feel right.

"Now's not really a good time," she said, pulling the door closed a little behind her.

"Can I see her?"

"Look I appreciate your concern, really, but she's fine."

"So let me see her," Daryl insisted, getting more than a little irritated at this conversation.

"I already told you no," Lori said firmly. "She's not seeing anyone."

"Lori, it's okay, just let him in." A small voice called from inside, and Daryl knew right away from the quiet tone of it she wasn't okay.

Lori sighed in defeat and stepped aside, ushering him into the hallway and hurriedly shutting the door behind them. Daryl craned his neck into the kitchen where he expected she would be and found it empty. The sound of rustling paper from the living room drew his attention immediately and he made a beeline for it. As he burst into the living room a little too abruptly, he felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. The first thing he noticed was the hair. Her wild, auburn curls that had always been part of her were gone. She was now sporting the kind of cropped style that Merle usually favoured. He barely recognised the frail, painfully gaunt creature blinking up at him from the couch. Her face was drawn and pale, except for the dark stain on her right temple that covered her eye. The shock must have been written all over his face because she fidgeted and looked away almost shamefully.

"Carol are you sure-"

"It's fine Lori, I'll be okay," Carol looked up at her and tried to crack a reassuring smile.

"Right, well I'll be upstairs if you need me." Lori half smiled in reply then shot Daryl a warning glance as she disappeared, closing the door behind her.

Daryl watched her go then turned his attention back to Carol. He could feel the inevitable roiling in his stomach and the tightening of muscles in his arms. His jaw clenched unconsciously as he took in the broken woman hunched on the couch. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened, and it burrowed under his skin like fibreglass. His blood boiled as his eyes wandered over her slender frame, wondering how anybody could ever put their fuckin' hands on her. The silence hung thickly in the air, the gulf between them growing wider with every second of quiet that passed.

"So, how'd you like the new look?" Carol broke the stalemate dryly.

Daryl stared at her, his words barely squeezing through the narrow gap in his clenched teeth. "That 'sposed to be funny?"

"Yeah, my sides are splitting," she muttered irritably. "What do you want Daryl?"

Her nonchalant tone did nothing for his mood. He was pissed enough at the state of her, but the fact she could just sit there as cool as a cucumber and pretend everything was just fine really poked the bear.

"When did this happen?" He asked hoarsely, the anger rasping in his throat.

"Does it matter?" Carol sighed. "It's done."

"It matters to me," he spat. "When?"

"Why does it matter?" she snapped, eyeing him with incredulity. "It happened to me, not you!"

"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch," he snarled, starting to pace, his heart picking up in his chest as adrenaline started to course through his veins.

"Oh don't bother, Daryl," she rolled her eyes at his predictability. "It's done now."

"Like hell it is," he snorted. "If I get my hands on him he will be fuckin' done."

Carol snorted a little laugh to herself and avoided his eyes, choosing to look out the window instead, anywhere away from him. Daryl got the feeling he was the subject of her scorn and felt an unwelcome rush of blood to his cheeks.

"What?"

"Bit late to act like you care."

His eyes narrowed, glaring at her as she continued to avoid him. "The hell is that 'sposed to mean?"

"You, blowing steam out of your ears," she turned to meet his eyes again. "Am I supposed to be impressed?"

"Shit this ain't about impressin' nobody! I came to see if you were alright!"

"Yeah well you've seen so now you can go," she sniped.

"I ain't goin' nowhere," he growled.

"Well I have nothing more to say to you so you're wasting your time." Carol pushed herself off the couch irritably and turned her back on him, arms folded stubbornly.

"Yeah well I got plenty to say to you!"

He could tell she was starting to wind up now; the tension locked into her shoulders and the total radio silence created an atmosphere all of their own. He had to push her over the edge to have any hope of getting her on side again. It was like a red rag to a bull but it was worth a shot.

"I ain't movin' 'til you talk to me."

"I already told you I'm done talking," she snapped, spinning around, arm swinging in annoyance. "I don't know why you're even here, this has nothing to do with you, it's none of your business! "

Daryl closed the space between them in purposeful strides. "It's everythin' to do with me! Some walkin' shit stain puts his fuckin' hands on you then I'm makin' it my business."

"It's a bit late to start making me your business, Daryl. I've had broken bones and black eyes before, you weren't around for those and I survived just fine." Carol's voice was starting to fray, her temper straining on the end of a very worn tether.

"I'm here now," he groaned, feeling the odds piling up against him. "The past's done, I can't fuckin' change it."

"Oh so that's what this is really about, Daryl Dixon's guilty conscience! Well you know something, not everything's about you. You see, this is exactly what I don't need, I've had a shitty enough few days without having to deal with you beating your chest! My daughter is my number one concern, as long as she's safe then I don't care what happens to me."

"You don't care?" He growled at her, moving closer. "Have you fuckin' seen yourself? He coulda killed ya!"

"Have I seen myself?" Carol let out an disbelieving snort right in his face. "Of course I've fucking seen myself! I know he could've killed me, I was _there_! I was there when he grabbed me by the hair and trailed me up the stairs! I was there when he smacked me in the head and pinned me to the floor under his legs..!"

"Carol-"

The tears were glistening in her eyes now. "I was _there_ when he started hacking my hair off!" Her voice quivered as her breathing failed her and sobs threatened to break her. "I was there when I almost-"

Daryl made a move to pull her to him, but it was like trying to embrace a riled lioness. She pushed him away viciously, tears streaking down her cheeks, her wet eyes wild and defensive. He felt like an utter jackass now; he'd come round to apologise for being a dick at the party and now he was in the shit twice as deep. She was crying and all he wanted to do was comfort her. He'd been here before, and he remembered that look; it hadn't lost any of its potency.

"Oh just get out!" she sobbed.

"Carol pl-"

"I said GET OUT!"

Daryl flinched a little and his eyes clung to her, the same feeling settling in that he'd had watching her leave fifteen years ago, that he would do anything to undo his stupidity. But as always, it was too late. She turned away from him towards the window, cutting him off completely. The only sounds to perforate the silence were her sniffles and the sound of his own blood banging in his ears. Helplessness stabbed at his chest, knowing all he wanted to do was hold her until she stopped crying, but she didn't want him there. Nothing he could do or say would tame her right now. With nothing left to do, he turned and headed for the door, ripping it open and barging past a shellshocked Lori, storming outside to his truck.

As he got in and slammed the door, he smashed the steering wheel in white hot anger, the sides of his palms throbbing in agony. He didn't care. The pain barely registered beneath the choking ache flooding his body. Time seemed to float on regardless, and Daryl just sat there, his head swimming with what had just happened. His brain was in overload, screaming at him like feedback from a microphone. Part of it screamed at him to go back in and fix it, but the rest was numb, hopeless; there was nothing he could do.

Finally, he started the engine and headed for home.


End file.
